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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Your Yuppie Guide to the Bumpers of Lexington

Hollywood’s unrealistic beauty standards have changed you Lexington

Hollywood's unrealistic beauty standards have changed you Lexington

So much photoshop. Hollywood’s unrealistic beauty standards have changed you Lexington.

Disclaimer: I live here in Lexington. I eat here in Lexington. I love your businesses and this is all in good fun–please don’t sue. Oh, and screw Magic Hat. If you didn’t get that reference–perhaps you’re from Louisville?

 

Do people still say yuppie? It’s hipster now right? Someone help me out.

Oh good, Phil Robertson still says yuppie.

This is not how I envisioned this post starting.

Back on topic. Our beloved central Kentucky, namely Lexington, is growing, and quickly. What am I basing this upon–the “eye test” primarily. I write for KSR, this is not CNN, or a real news organization, say…BBC, Al-Jazeera, other international news groups (who tweeted what about the plane now Wolf?)

Having spent time holding up traffic on Broadway and 4th, and among the more aged population of Ashland Park since then, I’ve seen our small town undergo a significant makeover, particularly within the perimeter of New Circle Road.

Hipsters, longtime downtowners, Chevy Chasers, skirt chasers, recent college grads, all are involved in a downtown revival of businesses new and old; patrons of these businesses are celebrating this Lexingtony-ness with their beards, their wallets, and their bumpers.

Bumper stickers, particularly in Kentucky tend to be rather polarizing–from Friends of Coal to Friends of Sol, but I’m going to take you on a tour of some less politicized bumper art that’s perhaps meaningless to those of you who don’t have Instagram, “Twitter, MyFace, YearBook” food trucks–ya know, that sorta stuff–so you can stay in touch with what’s hot in our fair city. And of course, what these stickers may mean to those driving behind you. Hot button issues.

 

local and shiuz

The end all and be all–I BUY LOCAL!

And you should too. Sitting upon my locally sourced Subaru cloud of judgy judgment judging you and your choices as you stuff your face with Taco Bell right now.

I also have a 13.1 sticker on mYyYYyYyy car. Not 26.2 yet–that comes after the Tough Mudder Triathlon Olympics.

 

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West Sixth Brewing

After a cyberwar was waged between the city of Lexington and what is now the McDonald’s of Kentucky, Magic Hat, West Sixth Brewing was forced to remove the star from its beloved logo.

Despite being starless, it remains one of the most iconic bumper stickers in Lexington, gracing the cars of those young and old–even Little Johnny has one on his tricycle. Loves that IPA.

 

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Country Boy Brewing

That other sticker that is all over every car with that #6. It does not include the street name in its title so how can other drives figure out where to drive for Cougar Bait? The answer–to your house, because you probably have a lot of beer there. Perhaps we can do a keg stand like I saw in that one movie. Doesn’t look that difficult.

 

Blue Stallion Brewing Company

The newbie in town. You’ll earn a spot here soon enough skipper. (What’s a skipper?)

 

Lexington Beerworks and Lexington Beer Trappe

The two craft beer bars in town, and for a state that seems 97.8% dry, this town seems to be raining down beer like Al Capone’s Chicago.

KYforKY2

Kentucky for Kentucky

Not particularly Lexington-y but a new, viral sensation that’s sweeping the nation perhaps just the Commonwealth. Kentuckians for some Kick Ass Unbridled Spir–naw, I just can’t. Worst slogan ever, c’mon guys.

You have this sticker, you’re probably more in touch with Internet trends than Bill Belichick and Steve Beshear. Basically a garden gnome.

 

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SQecial Media

SQecial has been around since your dad first saw the Grateful Dead, and it will be around much longer–perhaps even for the Trey Anastasio and Jerry Garcia hologram tour.

Supposedly it sells books? The owners of this car does not have a clue.

 

morris

the Morris book shop.

Your local Chevy Chase Book Shop conveniently located by a Liquor Barn (two thumbs way way up).

– Why the period on the end?

– Why not free shipping like Amazon? The driver of this car has to be wondering the same thing because going to stores is very time consuming because LAZY.

– Most importantly–why not a feminist bookstore? Women. First.

 

cd

CD Central

Change the name to Vinyl Central already.

 

wrfl

WRFL 88.1 Radio Free Lexington

Lexington’s ONLY ALTERNATIVE. The only one. That’s a threat. You don’t listen, and you get Sara Bariellies singing Brave on repeat for the rest of your driving life. Terrifying yes, but have you heard of the Internet? Whoever’s driving this car is totally listening to Lana Del Rey Pandora right now. Pepsi Cola.

PS: RIP Boomslang

 

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Bleed Blue Tattoo

#ILoveMom #NoRagrets

 

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Sav’s Grill

One meets Sav and one finds this sticker upon one’s car. He’s powerful.

 

If not on Frenchman Street, then this’ll do.

 

northlimecoffee6f

North Lime Coffee & Donuts

So how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop owl!? ANSWER ME YOU POMPOUS OWL

 

Sidebar Grill

A Harry potter lightning bolt sticker with the letters SBG–how can anyone figure out what the $*#% it is?

Naturally, it’s the Sidebar Grill sticker. Stop confusing us with your PBR and Fireball shots Sidebar.

 

Check out your neighbor’s bumper for all of your dining, drinking, shopping, and assassin for hire needs.

Forget about the assassin part. That was a joke (DM me).

Article written by Brennan English

Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. @BrennanKSR