It’s been a pretty great couple of weeks for movie trailers, right? I mean, judging from all of the great trailers that have hit the internet since the beginning of December, it looks like 2015 is shaping up to be a pretty stellar year for movie-lovers. If you’re reading Funkhouser, odds are you are a fan of two things: movies and the internet. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from years of scrolling past Buzzfeed posts on Facebook, it’s that people who love the internet love stupid quizzes! So, here’s a “quiz” that will tell you which of these trailers for a movie set in not-too-distant dystopian futures you are. Enjoy…and when you’re done, share this on Facebook so all your friends have something to scroll past while they’re reading their phones at stoplights!
What It Is: A film from Hungarian filmmaker Kornel Mundruczo about dogs who have been cast aside by society exacting their revenge on the human race. It was one of the breakout films at the Cannes Film Festival and is an official selection of the Sundance Film Festival. Judging from the trailer, it sort of looks like Rise of the Planet of the Apes, but with 100% more dogs and 100% less creepy CGI.
You’re This Trailer If: You home-brew your own craft beer. You own at least two leather-bound books. Your favorite jacket is made out of tweed. You’re kind of boring to talk to at parties. This is the thinking-man’s dystopian movie, complete with everything that semi-pretentious cinephiles like in their films: a kid who looks like she out-acts her adult counterparts in the lead role, subtitles, plenty of symbolism, and a weird title that doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the content of the film. (That said, this looks pretty cool and, even though I’m going to hate hearing snobby art-house movie geeks tell me why I should love this movie, I’ll probably end up loving this movie.)
The Divergent Series: Insurgent
What It Is: The second film based on the “Divergent” series of kids’ books about a post-apocalyptic future in which “people are divided into distinct factions based on human virtues” (thanks, Wikipedia!). The film stars Shailene Woodley (who was great in The Descendants but who is quickly turning into the poor man’s Jennifer Lawrence, and I don’t mean that in a good way), Kate Winslet, Miles Teller, and everyone’s favorite BBN’er, Ashley Judd.
You’re This Trailer If: You’re a teenager or a grown-up who still wishes you were a teenager. You claim to love reading but you only read Young Adult books. You love stories that are about teens and tweens refusing to be defined by anyone over the age of 30. You still use LipSmackers instead of regular Chap Stick because you “like the fun flavors.” You own three or more cats. I mean, could this movie BE any more of a wannabe Hunger Games (this sentence is intended to be read in Chandler Bing’s voice.)? I’m sure this is fine and teenagers will flock to theaters to pretend to watch it while they SnapChat their friends for two hours, but if this entire genre of sci-fi-lite accidentally disintegrated in a vat of acid, I wouldn’t lose a minute of sleep over it, you know what I mean?
Mad Max: Fury Road
What It Is: The reboot/maybe sequel/next chapter of the Mad Max series starring Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron and the little kid from About a Boy who’s come a long way since rocking a bowl cut while singing “Killing Me Softly” on stage with Hugh Grant.
You’re This Trailer If: You’re not a dumb idiot who hates awesome things. Seriously, this might be the greatest movie trailer ever made. It’s filled with some of the craziest chase scenes and explosions ever captured on film. It’s filled with badass heroes, terrifying bad guys and a bunch of freaky weirdos. The music is appropriately heart-pumping and epic. And everything looks gorgeous — from the blood-red sand of the desert to the jet-black puffs of exhaust belched from the engines of tricked-out monster trucks. Growing up, the Mad Max movies were some of my favorites, and when I heard they were rebooting the franchise, I was worried they were going to soften the grimy harshness of the originals. But if the movie is half as good as this trailer, Mad Max might end up being the movie of the summer in 2015.