Skip to content

Kentucky Sports Radio

University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Tips & Tricks: The Kentucky Derby


Do you love horses but find it incredibly intimidating to put on nice clothing and watch a bunch of them running in a pack? Want to make a lot of money in about two minutes but don’t know how? The Kentucky Derby is a great way, each year, to grow more comfortable with both horses and gambling. But knowing the ins and outs of the event is key, especially if it’s your first time at the Derby. Here, then, are some Tips & Tricks to fitting in (and winning big) at the Run for the Roses. You’re welcome.

-Get there early for the secret race. The little known “Breakfast Stakes” is a secret race which runs promptly at 8:15. Only two horses run in this race and you can bet on it if you’re there early enough. If the ticket window isn’t open yet, find any Churchill Downs worker who will take your bet as anyone who works at the facility is licensed to accept wagers. Then, after the race, go find that employee to collect your winnings.

-Know the slang. Sure, you know the difference between a “trifecta” and a “trifecta box.” You may even know that a “mudder” is a horse skilled on a muddy track. But knowing some extra racing slang will give you the extra edge. Try betting the “octofecta” if you think you can guess which eight horses will come in (in order) and if you want some extra gambling action ask the teller to “put some squirts on it.” Don’t worry! He or she will know exactly what you mean! Example: “I’d like the six horse to place, and put some squirts on it.” Most people won’t tell you about this secret, but I will. Because I want you to succeed. Sbobet provides gambling game services with a variety of games, but for now the game that has not been solved is the popularity of its soccer betting. So SBOBET itself is actually just the name of a service provider that is already popular so that makes its players clearly remember the name of the provider itself.

-If you don’t know how to bet, when you wait in line to get to the teller be sure to ask him or her to explain everything about betting to you. That’s what they’re there for! Don’t worry if a line gathers behind you; everyone will be totally friendly. A teller will glady spend as much time with you as needed as you learn all about the racing form, and those behind you will respect your thirst for learning.

-Ask to ride one of the horses. In all the pomp and circumstance of the Kentucky Derby, few people realize that all you have to do to ride one of the horses in a race is ask! It’s a Derby memory you won’t forget, and you might even win the race! Good luck, Keith!

-As you continue to win, tuck all the money noticeably into your hatband. You may have noticed, at Keeneland, individuals walking around with cash sticking out of their hats — there’s really no better way to show off your winnings and it looks super cool. You might even make some rap friends!

-Choose your horse based on a hilarious inside joke you share with a friend and text that friend that you’re going to be wagering on that horse based on that inside joke. Your friend will be pleased and find it humorous that not only is there a horse that shares a facet of the inside joke, but that it’s possible your inside joke could bring a monetary windfall! Also, explain this inside joke to your friends there who don’t yet know the joke, so everyone can enjoy the uncanny fortuitousness of your wager!

-Tell your friends from out of state that they need to buy a mint julep and that everyone in Kentucky loves them. This is the greatest joke in the history of our Commonwealth. As they pretend to enjoy it, point at them and laugh. Suckers!

-See how many hats you can collect. It’s hard for women to run in heels!

-Work hard and believe in yourself and maybe you’ll rise up out of the infield and be somebody. If you start out determined in the morning, even though everyone tells you you’ll never amount to anything, refuse to quit. It won’t be easy, but don’t let yourself be defined by your ticket. By three o’clock you could find respect and by five o’clock you might even change the world. Go get ‘em!

-Enjoy yourself. Remember, the opportunity to stand out in the rain in a linen suit while pressed against two hundred thousand people watching TV only comes once a year, and it’s our heritage. Make the most of the day! Sorry about all the money you will lose.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

All I want is a HI-C and a turkey sandwich. @CM_Tomlin

4 Comments for Tips & Tricks: The Kentucky Derby

  1. Realme
    1:14 pm May 5, 2017 Permalink

    I’ve always wondered where the oft used “Put some squirts on it” came from. Tomlin SO educational.

  2. Sentient Third Eye
    3:06 pm May 5, 2017 Permalink

    So if someone says your horse is a real mudder, it’s not an insult?