The following piece was guest written by special Funkhouser features writer Brad Morris.
Given the perceived lunacy of the past couple of weeks, (the travel ban, protests everywhere, Patriots coming back in the Super Bowl, Cats losing 3 out of 4, etc.) I felt this is the perfect place to welcome everyone back to the Walking Dead Season 7! This upcoming Sunday, February 12th at 9:00p.m. EST, TWD begins the back half of this years rumblings in the zombie apocalypse. Since the craziness that seems to be around us may point to the beginning of an actual apocalypse, why not compare characters from TWD to players and coaches that may mask similar traits in the real world? I’m not saying this is a literal translation, just a “let’s take a deep breath and laugh” translation. Sound good? Awesome, let’s roll. First in our lineup is….
Rick Grimes/Coach Cal
Both of these leaders have had it rough in the past. The Sheriff of 2 rabid fan bases. The fictitious leader Rick and our own Calipari have had hordes of followers calling into question their leadership lately. Rick for his blundering around after Negan kills 2 of his crew, and Cal for the lack of rebounding and scoring. But if history serves me correctly, both of these guys know what they’re doing. It’s looked bleak before, but Rick and Cal are survivors who always know how to right the ship. For Rick let’s hope it’s before Negan can find out he’s being hunted instead of being the prey. And for Calipari, let’s pray that the newest “tweak” is just a practice or dream away from changing the direction of this season.
Daryl Dixon/Malik Monk
The easiest comparison. The heartthrob sharp shooter of each group. In season 7 we’ve seen Daryl have a slump from his shooting prowess, what with being captured and forced to eat Alpo sandwiches at the Sanctuary. For Malik, it’s 47 points against UNC, then 15 points to the belly crawling Gators. The question has been asked, can this UK team win if Monk isn’t scoring? And like our survivors without Daryl, I don’t think the Cats can. So let’s see these guys get their shooting straight, and ride it out to glory for both seasons sakes!
Glenn Rhee/De’Aaron Fox
Ah, the reliable ones. With these 2, you can always count on them to deliver. For Glenn it’s finding food and medicine, being the guide to getting in and out of places quickly, and being a trusty leader in his own right when called upon. Fox has been that way as well. Not even 100% this past Saturday, with barely any practice time, no team seems to have an answer on how to guard Fox. With his improving jump shot, the SEC better be ready for the blazing Fox of the bluegrass. Unfortunately for Glenn, he’s sitting out for the rest of the series due to lingering effects from a concussion that occurred in the first episode of season 7, and his chances of recovery are grim because of a slight case of death.
This was a tough one, or rather these are the tough guys. Negan swings his mighty bat Lucille and has a silver tongue, while Bam swings his hammering dunks on opponents whenever he gets the space. But another fact they have in common is the need for help from other people. Negan can’t be his devilish self without his devoted followers. Bam can’t be Bam without his teammates getting him the ball. Now the difference in these titans are that we want Negan to fail, and we pray Bam will succeed. 2 sides of the same coin with this dynamic duo.
Merle Dixon/Isaiah Briscoe
Again, tough comparison here. Merle was a conundrum from the beginning. You knew he’d do anything for his little brother Daryl, you just a weren’t sure about the approach he took. From cutting off his hand, to aligning himself with the Governor, Merle made questionable choices during his time on TWD. But in the end you know he always had his brothers back. Same could be said about Briscoe. His brutality going to the rim gets him in trouble sometimes, both with the refs, Coach Cal, and the other team, however at times it works. There have been several games the last 2 seasons where the other team doesn’t have an answer for his wrecking ball style. And he’s on my team and he’s always watching out for his brothers.
The Governor/Rick Pitino
And last but not least, my favorite comparison of this crossover event. The Governor is nuts, and that’s a clinical diagnosis. Starting with his mosh pit of death, onto his shooting his own followers, and wrapping it up by decapitating Hershel with Michonnes sword. This guy is just begging for someone to axe him, which fortunately happens by that same sword. And his girlfriend had the decency to put him out of our misery with a cue de gra cap in his forehead. Now I’m not saying that’s what should happen to Pitino, far from it. But doesn’t it appear that his time seems to be coming? First Karen Sypher and 15 seconds of unfortunate business, to the grand finale of strippers in Minardi hall squirting to the ceiling. His legacy will be forever shrouded in controversy, and it’ll be a shame, because he DID bring UK back from the brink of death not 26 years ago, and we should be forever grateful he did.
I hope this parody was enjoyable to digest for you today. If you can’t wait to see Walkers digesting the living, then have no fear! We’re only 7 days away from The Walking Dead returning for the second half of Season 7, with 8 straight weeks of death and destruction in the zombie apocalypse to witness. You can catch it at 9 p.m. EST on AMC. This week also for the next Kentucky Deadcast to pop up with myself and Josh Juckett, as we debate and relive the first half of the season, and discuss what we think may happen the next few weeks. Until then, ta ta…