With the UK/UCLA matchup on the horizon for an Elite Eight berth and UCLA’s Lonzo Ball leading the Bruins through their tourney march, Ball’s outspoken father LaVar has spent as much time as possible running roughshod through the national media and talking to whoever will have him. But are YOU LaVar Ball? Take our quiz to find out!
1. The number of sons I have is:
a. I don’t have any sons.
b. I have two sons.
c. I have three sons.
2. My relationship with Charles Barkley is:
a. We get along great.
b. We have our differences, but usually agree to disagree.
c. We are currently at odds .
3. My children are worth:
a. My time.
b. The attention I give them.
c. One billion dollars.
4. If I were to play Michael Jordan one-on-one:
a. He would probably defeat me.
b. It might be a comparable matchup and could go either way.
c. I would kill him.
5. My son’s basketball coach:
a. Loves me
b. Likes me somewhat.
c. Pretends to like me.
6. The number of voicemails I have left at Nike headquarters today is:
7. When I see a possum rummaging through my trash, I:
a. Turn on the porch light hoping it will scare him off.
b. Shake a broom at him.
c. Catch and sell him to a zoo for five million dollars because he’s the best possum.
8. When I wipe ketchup off my mouth with a napkin, I:
a. Politely return the napkin to my lap.
b. Toss the napkin into the trash.
c. Take the napkin to Polo and tell them they can put it on a shirt for thirty million dollars.
9. When it is a beautiful night outside my house, I:
a. Sit outside and look at the evening sky.
b. Comment how beautiful the sky looks.
c. Charge people four-hundred dollars a piece to look at the moon.
10. My best friend is:
a. My wife.
b. My childhood schoolmate.
c. David Steinman, VP of Marketing and Branding Content at Nike
11. The last time I went to a county fair, I:
a. Enjoyed the rides.
b. Appreciated the time with my family.
c. Won all the games and got all the stuffed animals, then sold them all for one thousand dollars apiece.
12. The first thing I think when I smell a rose is:
a. The simple joys in life make everything worth it.
b. It’s important to slow down and enjoy the world.
c. How much can I sell this smell for?
13. The last time I played basketball with my children, I:
a. Laughed and enjoyed each their company.
b. Made memories that will last a lifetime.
c. Beat all three of them five-hundred points to zero and they told me I was better than they are and always will be.
14. When my family goes to take a Christmas card photo:
a. We all dress up so we look nice.
b. We always make sure to take a “silly picture.”
c. I stand in front of the camera and start talking about myself until the manager of Olan Mills tells me that the camera only takes regular photographs.
15. My children see me as:
a. A firm but fair disciplinarian and mentor.
b. A confidant and supporter.
c. The reason they’re not allowed at the Chino Hills YMCA anymore.
16. Someday I hope to be remembered:
a. As a good father who made smart decisions for his children.
b. As a savvy businessman who did right by his family.
c. As the person after whom the newly discovered planet LaVar X-32 was named.
SCORING GUIDE: a=1, b=2, c=3
If you scored:
15 — You are not LaVar Ball.
15-30 You are probably not LaVar Ball.
80-90 — You are LaVar Ball.