Impersonator, Donald Trump — Philadelphian John Di Domenico, a Donald Trump Impersonator since 2004, says that since the businessman has risen to the ranks of political candidate he has begun raking in money for “Trump” appearances, sometimes netting up to $40,000 a month. Great. Now I get to watch this guy’s dreams come true while all those years I’ve spent in front of a mirror perfecting my Jim Gilmore impression means nothing. NOTHING.
Jagger, Mick –The 72 year-old Rolling Stones frontman has confirmed to press that his girlfriend, a 29 year-old ballerina, is pregnant with the singer’s eighth child. So in case you were wondering, “How’d you come back to my place and meet Keith Richards?” works as a pick up line, it does.
National Convention, Republican — This week saw the run of the Republican National Convention, which many hailed as being out of touch with young America and saw presidential nominee Donald Trump rolling out his Vice President nominee, Indiana governor Mike Pence. In a move predicted to capture the young voters Trump has forsaken, pundits expect democratic nominee Hillary Clinton to announce next week her own running mate, Jigglypuff.
Rock, The — During a recent Good Morning America appearance, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson told hosts that he hasn’t ruled out a run for the presidency, stating that if he felt he could “make a real difference and make change,” he would do it. Pundits have already begun denigrating the former wrestler by accusing “the people’s elbow” as being a patently communist finishing move.
Top Gun 2 — Fandango delivers a “state of the union” as to the status of a Jerry Bruckheimer-helmed sequel to the 1986 pilot film, and here’s what we know so far: Bruckheimer’s back, Tom Cruise will be back as Maverick, the plot will probably involve drones, Kelly McGillis may cameo and, according a series of phone calls to a “secretary” named Carla that sounded suspiciously like Val Kilmer doing a falsetto voice, Val Kilmer will return as Iceman.
Update, SNL’s Weekend — Fresh from owning every scene of Paul Feig’s Ghostbusters, SNL’s Kate McKinnon appeared at the RNC as Ruth Bader Ginsburg to give Donald Trump a piece of her mind in a fun, special edition Weekend Update Appearance. Enjoy.
World, Super Mario — A Japanese professional video gamer named Hup Chapter has broken the world record for beating the beloved SNES game Super Mario World by blazing through the game blindfolded in an amazing seventeen minutes and forty-six seconds — a time, surprisingly, only eight minutes longer than the record for his longest conversation ever with a girl.