This Sunday is the 88th Academy Awards. More than any other awards show, the Oscars tend to feel like an eternal wait for the final award. There is something about the lack of boozed up celebrities (unlike the Golden Globes) or the absence of odd artist pairings (unlike the Grammys) that make the show feel lethargic. You might as well throw an Oscars party of your own to liven things up. As you begin to prepare for your fancy soiree here are few things to keep in mind (You wouldn’t want your party to be more tragic than John Travolta attempting to pronounce “Idina Menzel.”)
Do Require Your Guest To Fill Out Ballots
There are winners and losers at the Oscars. There should be winners and losers at your party. You have to be careful, there is always that one friend who swears that Leo will win and then backtracks if they prove to be wrong. Requiring your guest to fill out a ballot before the awards begin keeps everybody accountable.
Don’t Blare “Play Off” Music
One of the worst parts of the Oscars is the play off music. Actors and actresses have spent their whole life dreaming about winning this award and right when they get to the moment of thanking their mom, dad and everyone else who helped them along the way, an orchestra rushes them off the stage. This isn’t necessary.
Needless to say, playing play off music when your friend’s story about their trip to the grocery story drags out a little too long is dÃ©classÃ©.
Do Consider A Themed Menu
I love a good themed menu. Puns have zero calories. Therefore, the added festiveness make the hors d’oeuvres seem even more delicious. Here are some suggested items for your menu:
-The Danish Girl *too easy
-Mad Max: Rocky Road Brownies
-Bridge of Pies
-The Reven-Ants On A Log
-The Big Short-bread
Don’t Over Think It
Honestly, I wanted to add “Straight Outta Blueberry Compote” to my themed menu. But, I didn’t. I have some self-respect. Here are a few other dishes that need to be left off your menu.
Although glittery Oscar donuts are pretty, I am troubled by how your body processes edible glitter.
This recipe is titled: Tipsy Starlets. They are taquitos cut in half, stuck in guacamole to look like drunken oscar attendees who fell over.
Bow-Tied Hot Dogs
Quite possibly the most disturbing things I’ve seen in awhile.
Do Create Your Own Prop Bets
My Super Bowl during the Super Bowl is enjoying all of the prop bets that you can lose your money on. The same should apply to your Academy Awards party. Here some prop bets you can have with your fellow partygoers:
-Over/Under of minutes till Chris Rock mentions #OscarsSoWhite
-Does Leo cry?
-Does Leo bring his mom to the Oscars?
-Over/Under of minutes till Jennifer Lawrence trips
-Over/Under of how long “Earned It” will be stuck in your head after the show has concluded.
Don’t Give Out Swag Bags
Notoriously, the Academy Award swag bags are lavish and extravagant. This year the swag bag contains $300 personalized M&Ms, a Vampire Breast lift and a $55,000 trip to Israel. It is ridiculous. Similarly, a swag bag on a smaller scale is just as proportionally silly. Take all the money in your swag bag budget and place it in your drinks and appetizer budget and everyone will be happier.
In all fairness, if you have the chutzpah to party on a Sunday night, feel free to break all the rules. I’ll be silently judging all of the Academy’s choice from the comfort of my own couch, in my pajamas, eating from my personal swag popcorn bag.