Hello, friends. Like me, you’ve probably noticed that today is Thanksgiving, and that many people around you at this very moment are either eating, waiting to eat or have already eaten. Go on, look around. I know; it’s like I just read your mind. You’re probably blown away, right?
Friends, we all have our family Thanksgiving traditions. One tradition at my house, for instance, involves eating turkey while watching Bill Cosby’s Ghost Dad, something we’ve done for the last, oh, I don’t know, number of years since Ghost Dad came out. But that’s just me. I reached out to some of my famous friends this year to see if they’d share some of our own and, on this holiday and I’d like to share them with you, because otherwise it wouldn’t have made any sense for me to do it. Enjoy the day, everyone, and a happy Thanksgiving from the KSR family to your own.
“Each year we all go around the table and say what we’re thankful for. It’s a good way to take stock in the blessings we have and enjoy those around us.”
“My family all sits around a table and then I climb up a stack of encyclopedias, take my place at the head of the table and put on my acorn hat. Then I start to carve the turkey, which I do with a thumbtack and a little piece of glass. It takes five hours, and during that time we all think about how grateful we are.”
“Everyone enjoys a nice meal at our house, and we invite all of our extended family. Then we watch football. Then later, as each person leaves, I kiss them deeply on the mouth. It’s how our family does things.”
“Every year I make a big Thanksgiving dinner — a turkey, cranberry sauce, stuffing, potatoes, green beans, two pies — and secretly eat it in the closet while my family thinks I ran to the store for something. Then I hide the plates under a blanket and eat a lame Thanksgiving with my family where I only get, like, two plates of food.”
“My cousin Phillip and I have a great thing worked out for Thanksgiving. I have extremely long arms and Phillip has extremely short arms, so we sit next to one another and I reach everything on the table with my long arms and bring it back to us and then he feeds both himself and me with his short arms. It works perfectly. Family ‘synergy’ in action!”
“My family and I invite everyone over to the house and we eat a dinner that my wife Gisele prepared herself — usually pureed ham with raw asparagus, ketchup with cut-up hot dogs mixed into it, some whole wheat bread slices and a pie made of leftover Halloween candy with wrappers she cooked into a pie crust for 45 minutes. We all just eat it and act like it’s delicious. My wife is a beautiful, famous model, not a professional chef.”
“I usually make a delicious turkey and then when everyone in my family sits down to enjoy it I tell them that it’s stuffed with my disappointment in them. Everyone gets sad for a moment, but then they get happy when they taste it. The secret recipe in my disappointment is finely cubed green apples! Ssshhh! Don’t tell!”
“I know everyone thinks the show on Thanksgiving is on the table, but to me the real action is underneath it. See what I’m doing? I’m winking. Do you see my winking? I think you totally get what I’m saying.”