If tailgating food had a football conference it would be the OOC because tailgating food has gotten Out Of Control. Commonwealth Stadium is selling boozed up ice cream and spiralized potatoes sold on prison shanks. The pressure for a perfectly executed game plan isn’t confined to the football field, there is also pressure for the perfect tailgate menu and accouterments. We’ve rounded up the good, the bad and the unnecessary of what you need at your tailgate. Even if your team is winning or losing, at least your tailgate was on point.
Stuff on Sticks
For some reason, tailgating is synonymous with skewered meats. The idea of combining day-drinking and pointy objects seems like a wonderful combination. But, according to Pinterest, the hip thing is to skewer marshmallows, hash browns, waffles and anything else you can get your hands on.
Your tailgate can put the “win” in wieners. The key is to make sure that your football menu includes hot dogs that have been properly sauced, cheesed and amputated into tiny corn muffins.
Creative Food Vessels
Bowls and plates were so 2015. Modern tailgates use nacho shot glasses, pumpkin kegs and hand-formed football-shaped bread bowls. Each menu item should have a different container. You wouldn’t want to look like some poor schlub in the green lot now would you?
Things Somewhat Shaped Like A Football
I love that someone forcibly made an oatmeal cream pie into the shape of a football, as if its oatmeal creaminess wasn’t enough that it had to be in the shape of an oblong ball. Oblong is also just a suggestion. “Football shaped” things also come in the form of ice cream sandwiches, clothes pins, strawberries or if you’re feeling saucy a watermelon in the shape of a helmet.
One thing everyone can agree on during a tailgate is their love of the referees. Why not spend a few hours meticulously creating edible replicas of their delightful faces? Here’s a life hack, just purchase a few zebra cakes and arrange them nicely and call it a day.
The Guacamole Stadium Display
Let’s face it. The only reason why anyone would create a wooden snack stadium would be to post it online to show everyone how crafty they are. We all know the candy would be the first thing gone and someone would be stuck pretending to like celery. I’m also not sure if I appreciate the popcorn being in the guacamole splash zone. There are so many design flaws that it looks like the snack stadium would have a losing record.
That being said, if you need me I’ll be replicating Commonwealth Stadium right down to the disappointed fans in section 31.