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Seven Halloween Costumes That You Will Have To Over-Explain

 

hALLOWEEN COSTUMES

Every Halloween season there is the “Go-To Costume.” One year it was Sarah Palin. This year, everyone is going to be Kim Davis. Mainly because it’s topical, a bit risqué and her outfit looks so darn comfortable. I am a big fan of the super specific costume. However, as a rule, my costumes tend to err on the side of being too specific and being topical (to a fault.) In 2011, the year of Prince William, Princess Kate and Pippa’s rump, I chose to craft a topical and whimsical Halloween costume. I went as Princess Beatrice (more specifically her appearance at William and Kate’s wedding…in April.) Six months later, the fanaticism for the royal wedding had waned and many people asked me why I was dressed up as “a woman with a pink toilet seat on her head.”

Selecting the appropriate Halloween costume is crucial. No one wants to see a Sexy Kim Davis and everyone and their mother is going to be Donald Trump, you might as well join me on the wildly specific side. It’s more fun having to overly explain your costume to everyone you meet. (Sortof.)

Here’s some costumes that you will spend the weekend explaining to everyone you meet:

 Snake In The Grass

You can’t be more specific than a specific tweet that is composed of 100% emojis.   My hope is that someone likes DeMarcus Cousins enough, or hates George Karl enough, to devote their entire Halloween costume to three simple keystrokes.

Materials Needed: Green Sweatshirt, Dollar Store plastic snakes, adhesives

Practiced Explanation: “No, I’m not any given lawn in Florida, I’m the snake in the grass tweet.”

 Claire from Jurassic World

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This Halloween costume requires a costume change

When you say “Jurassic World,” I say “Bryce Dallas Howard wore heels throughout that whole daggone movie and never once complained about her feet. She also progressively got more disheveled, while remaining seductive.”

That’s not necessarily a catchy cheer, but it fully encapsulates my feelings on the summer blockbuster movie.

Materials Needed: Red wig, white shirt, white skirt, white jacket, nude pumps. Then as the night progresses, you will need to remove the white jacket, white shirt, and somehow change the actual color of your shirt to beige. *Never take off your shoes, never complain.

Practiced Explanation: “I’m the character from Jurassic World that’s all business. You can tell because I’m wearing all white even though I work in a jungle climate.”

 

Deflategate Courtroom Tom Brady

I spent a lot of time looking at the courtroom drawing of Tom Brady. I couldn’t love it more. Somewhere in an alternate universe there is a Tom Brady with that face (and possibly I have the face of Giselle) Either way, that drawing deserves to be immortalized in a Halloween costume.

Materials Needed: Plastic Tom Brady mask, Lighter, burn for three seconds

Practiced Explanation: You are on your own on this one

 

Hotline Bling Drake

Do you have an oversized turtleneck sweatshirt? Are your dance moves erratic and nonsensical? Did people use to call your on your cell phone? If you answered yes to all of these questions, then I know the exact costume for you.

Materials Needed: White Turtleneck Sweater, sweatpants, Timbs, an aggressive beard, a terrible jump shot

Practiced Explanation: “I know when I wear these clothes…that can only mean one thing.”

 

Left Shark

left shark

Ten months ago, a shark mascot clumsily danced its way into our hearts during the Katy Perry Halftime Super Bowlâ„¢ Show. Now, in October, people might not make the connection that you are not only a shark, but you are “Left Shark.”

Materials Needed: There is no DIYing this one; it’s a full-on Amazon purchase

Practiced Explanation: just dance slightly behind the beat

 

Skinny Leg Peyton Manning

This one isn’t that off the wall, it is just that there isn’t much to this costume to set most people apart from their regular selves.

Materials Needed: Zip-up hoodie, shorts, tall white socks, skip leg day, a box that “won’t flatten”

Practiced Explanation: “…and there go my socks.”

 

Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon is officially a klutz. He almost ripped his finger off when he fell and his wedding ring got caught on the side of a table. He chipped his tooth while trying to open a cream for his mangled finger. Recently, he injured his other hand when he fell in front of a National Lampoon crowd. This is an extremely specific costume, but you get to be Jimmy Fallon for a day (sortof.)

Materials Needed: A nice suit, an overly bandaged hand, an inability to not giggle during skits, Justin Timberlake (if available)

Practiced Explanation: “Thank you Jimmy Fallon, for providing me with a costume that allows for minimal embarrassment.”

 

What super specific costume do you plan on being this Halloween?

Article written by Megan Suttles

I can't decide if I want to use this space to be witty or insightful. I guess it will be neither.

1 Comment for Seven Halloween Costumes That You Will Have To Over-Explain



  1. leon singleton
    8:12 pm October 29, 2015 Permalink

    Pregnant Gay man.