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Real Housewives Of New Jersey By The Numbers

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Earlier this week, Bravo released the preview for season 7 of RHONJ.  The season will depict Teresa Giudice’s return from jail and all of the mayhem that follows.  I have a lot of hope that this season will not disappoint. To make the perfect season, you need a few ingredients-es, and it looks like they are all present in the trailer.  Let’s breakdown the preview to see what’s to come.

Length of the Trailer: 3 minutes, 10 seconds

Number of brunettes on screen: 17

Number of blondes: 1

Curse words said: 15

Best Outfit:20160524_183015

Angry Finger Points Given: 9

Other impressive hand gestures: throat slit/murder gesture, furious table slapping, “pump the brakes” hand motion, Buh-bye wave

Best Line: “Anyone who takes down my friends…”*mimes machine guns*

Worst Line: “She’s not even 1/16 Italian.”

Least Interesting Storyline: Joe Gorga doesn’t want a “part-time wife.”

Most Heartbreaking Storyline: Children praying that their parents come back from jail

Times Siggy Isn’t Yelling: 0

Chance of Kim D Getting Involved in the Drama this Season: 100%  ðŸ‘€

Months Teresa Spent In Jail: 11

Chance of Teresa’s new tagline alluding to her time spent in jail: 50/50

Timestamp for what Everyone Thinks when they watch RHONJ: 1:37

People Wearing Robes But Not Relaxing: 2

Number of Kleenex Used On Camera: 1.5

Nosejobs Melissa Has Allegedly Had: 4

Noses Picked: 1*

Words Mispronounced: 1* (“Osama-Buh-Ladin”)

Blouses With Asymmetric Necklines: 5

Amount of Times Someone is inappropriately referred to as “cancer”: 1

Outfits That Look Like The Revenant Bear: 2

20160524_183218 20160524_183242

Days until the season premiere on July 10: 45

Special Mentions: Melissa’s Envy Hat, Dolores’ Fabulous Cake, The Sheer Quantity Of Russian-Looking Hats, Jacqueline’s Shoeless Running, Teresa’s “Back-from-jail” Ring, The Rosary Ring, Joe Giudice’s “I’m pretending to read” face

*Denotes Series Record

Article written by Megan Suttles

I can't decide if I want to use this space to be witty or insightful. I guess it will be neither.