Welcome to “Raw is Funkhouser.” Each week, I’ll sit through (and usually enjoy) three straight hours of Sports Entertainment on Monday night for your benefit. I’ll recap some of the action, while highlighting the pros and the cons of the episode.
Also, I want this to be as interactive as possible, so during the upcoming weeks, feel free to live tweet with me (@rbramblet) using the hashtag #KSRWrassleTalk. I’ll take the best and funniest comments and put them into the “Raw is Funkhouser” recap for the week. Note: This week I have hyperlinked the videos next to the titles of each section to make the page easier to load.
Two things you need to know from the WWE Night of Champions PPV before today’s recap:
1) No titles changed hands, except…
2) Daniel Bryan won the WWE Championship (on a fast count)
This week’s recap will be brief, but let’s get into it:
PRO: Well, We Were All Expecting This Anyway (Video)
After Daniel Bryan won the WWE Championship at Night of Champions on a fast count, I think we all new where this was headed. Daniel Bryan comes out to celebrate his title win, before the King of Kings comes out to bring some bad news. After trotting out the Road Dogg’s referee brother and scrutinizing the three-count, Triple H announces that he’s going to hold the WWE Championship in Abeyance.
1) I’ll be honest, I’ve never heard that word before, and it sounds like an elderly person trying to pronounce Beyonce’s name.
2) I’m pretty sure that no one in that cleveland arena, apart from maybe some rogue attorneys who were taking a break from saving brake pad plants a few towns over.
The segment gets a pro for how it set the tone for the rest of the night. The crowd got more behind Bryan (if that’s even possible) and put more heat on Triple H and Randy Orton, who came out and gave Daniel Bryan an RKO.
CON: Free PPV Matches… After They’ve Already Happened (Video)
It always bugs me when they show a match on SmackDown, which is usually pretty good and then turn around and show the exact same match on Raw three days later. I attribute it to the fact that less people watch SmackDown than Raw, so they want people to be able to see the good match (also, SmackDown is taped, so they can use it as a practice before the live show). That being said, it’s just as bad when they take a match that you actually paid for the night before, and give it away for free the very next day. Sure the outcome was different, this time with Ziggler winning the non-title match, but doesn’t it say something that if the match was that good the first time, you’d plug buying the PPV replay so people can see it? Maybe in an internet heavy world nowadays, buying PPV replays isn’t as feasible as it was before (I think I’ve answered my question). However, there are better ways to move a story along other than just giving me the same match I got last night.
PRO: Give Dusty A Mic Every Night (Video)
After two straight weeks of the Rhodes Family putting on some of the best television going, with Cody Rhodes’ backstage segment after being fired, and Goldust’s near heroic save for his brother’s career, there was only one thing left to do. Dusty Rhodes may be one of the top three talkers in the history of the wrestling business (aside from JR and Gordon Solie) with Roddy Piper and Ric Flair. So I encourage the WWE to try to find a way to bring back Dusty Rhodes every week just to talk, because no one has that southern drawl like The American Dream. However, we might not see him for some time as Stephanie gave him an ultimatum. After giving Dusty a Bed Bath and Beyond gift card for Cody’s wedding (thoughtful), she told him that he could only choose one son to give a job to. After refusing to, Stephanie gave him another choice: get destroyed by the Shield or get knocked out by the broke Big Show.
CON: C’mon, That’s Not The Dusty I Know
I understand the route WWE was going with this, but “C’mon Man”… Dusty Rhodes will always be one of the toughest wrestlers to come out of the 70’s and 80’s. You’re telling me that you’re going to make him look like a feeble old man who doesn’t want to put up a fight? This man knows about “hard times” and fought out of them decades ago. I would have at least liked to have seen Dusty take a swing, or hit someone with an atomic elbow first.
PRO: The Miz’s Dad is The Most See WWE Superstar’s Parent of All Time (Video)
Oh please bring back Miz’s dad, please, oh please, oh please. If this doesn’t count as the highlight of the night, I’m not sure what does. So the WWE is in the Miz’s home town of Cleveland (he’s from Parma, but we’ll go with it), and of course when an underdog faces off against a big superstar at home, you’ve got to trot his parents out. There were so many things going through my mind during this match:
1) Is Miz’s dad Paul Bearer’s long lost brother?
2) The way his dad is no-selling his son getting beat up, I could only imagine he’s the one who gave Miz acting tips in The Marine 3: Marines on Patrol
Miz's dad… almost certainly multiple memes by tomorrow
— Wrestling Memes (@Wrestling_Memes) September 17, 2013
Miz's Dad owns Toxic Avenger on Laser Disc, right?
— Marty DeRosa (@MartyDeRosa) September 17, 2013
I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but in that moment, he wanted to be anywhere else but there.
CON: The Big Guy is a Paul Heyman Guy? (Video)
Ole’ Ryback O’Doyle struck again on Sunday night, interfering in C.M. Punk’s Match against Paul Heyman and Curtis Axel, giving Heyman the win over Punk. That being said, Paul Heyman guys are becoming less and less of people Paul Heyman would actually associate himself with. It makes sense to put heat machines like Curtis Axel and Ryback with Paul E. but, couldn’t you find some people who are more believable to be Heyman guys? Cesaro would have been perfect. It makes sense for those two to be paired together, he would get amazing matches out of CM Punk and it would get him out of that awful “We The People” pairing with Jack Swagger. The segment basically was saying how bully Ryback hates bullies and that CM Punk is a bully, and he’s going to protect Heyman from bullies. Man they love pushing this Be A Star campaign. However, the kiss on the cheek was a nice touch to build heat.
PRO: Daniel Bryan vs. Roman Reigns Was Fine (Video)
There’s been a lot of talk about how Roman Reigns is the weak link of the Shield. He can’t talk particularly well and doesn’t have much charisma. However, he showed on Monday night that he can go. He went about 20 minutes with WWE’s main event machine, Daniel Bryan and it worked pretty well. He’s strong enough to catch Bryan in moves that normally people wouldn’t normally wouldn’t catch him in, and when he hits, he hits HARD. His spear in the post match fracas on Kofi Kingston was outstanding. Say what you will about Roman Reigns, he brought it on Monday. As for the rest of the post main event segment, it’ll be interesting to see what HHH does to all of those wrestlers who came down and saved Bryan. The part I didn’t like was that there were no real A-List stars out there to help Bryan, so it makes him look even more like he’s a B+ Superstar, which they’ve been spending the last two months having him prove that he’s not.
That’s it for “Raw Is Funkhouser” this week. I’ll be back next week, provided I can get some sleep after the amount of GTA V I’m going to play. Let me know what you thought about Monday’s show below, or hit me up on Twitter @rbramblet