Skip to content

Kentucky Sports Radio

University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

New Girl’s Advice For Your Perfect Wedding Nuptials

NEW GIRL: L-R: Zooey Deschanel, Hannah Simone, Max Greenfield and Jake Johnson in the season finale “Landing Gear” episode of NEW GIRL airing Tuesday, May 10 (9:00-9:30 PM ET/PT ) on FOX. ©2016 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Adam Taylor/FOX
NEW GIRL: L-R: Zooey Deschanel, Hannah Simone, Max Greenfield and Jake Johnson in the season finale "Landing Gear" episode of NEW GIRL airing Tuesday, May 10 (9:00-9:30 PM ET/PT ) on FOX. ©2016 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Adam Taylor/FOX

Season 5 of New Girl was the perfect storm of my favorite things. The season was a hodgepodge of wedding planning, quirky banter and vivid cardigans. Almost all of the twenty-two episodes were centered on wedding planning complications. While the show is not totally rooted in reality (no middle school teacher is that footloose and fancy free) there are some lessons that are applicable to your wedding reality. Below is what the fifth season of New Girl has taught us about planning the perfect marriage ceremony.

How To Choose The Perfect Wedding Aesthetic:

New Girl Wedding Advice 1

Although Cece and Schmidt are not the perfect couple linguistically speaking (together they have too many hard consonants) they are a good looking couple with a thousand watt smiles. Schmidt is dead set on providing the perfect wedding and his “holy trinity” will allow him to execute his dream wedding to perfection.

 

How to Set Your Wedding Date:

New Girl Wedding Advice 5

Sometimes picking when you will get married is more difficult than the who or the how. Picking a date is always difficult. There is always someone who won’t be able to come or some terrible historical tragedy that happened on that date. At least with this tip, you know that all of August is off the table

How To Describe Your Perfect Wedding Location:

New Girl Wedding Advice 8

I don’t want to do an in-depth analysis of this quote. It could get questionable real quick. You should, however, know when you are at your wedding location that you have stepped on hallowed ground. Whether that is in a saintly cathedral or an abandoned slaughterhouse (a la New Girl), you will know your dream location when you see it.

How To Pick Your Wedding Invites:

New Girl Wedding Advice 12

Every little girl dreams of having wedding invites that remind your guests of the great Bone 4 Life album. Wedding invites set the tone. You might as well make that tone “Tha Crossroads”-esque.

How To Prune Your Guest List:

New Girl Wedding Advice 15

Picking who will make the cut on your exclusive guest list is always difficult. In episode 15, Schmidt Schmidt (which is CeCe & Schmidt’s couple name) have to figure out how to univite an unwanted guest.   As a rule, if the guest reminds you of Ernest Goes to <insert location> don’t invite that person.

How To Diffuse A Hostile Bachelor Party Altercation

New Girl Wedding Advice 17

I was concerned when Schmidt announced that they were going to Vegas for their bachelor party. I didn’t think the show had the kind of budget that would support this production value. I was correct in that assumption because the bachelors never make it to Vegas. They end up getting sidetracked by combative desert lizard-people. Schmidt has a few interesting ways of diffusing the tension one is old chat room names and announcing “Beans are nothing but soggy nuts.”

How To Choose What Goes On Your Registry:

New Girl Wedding Advice 18

When you’re single, you constantly make a list of all the things you would put on your mythical wedding registry. The moment you get engaged, your love-soaked brain forgets all of the necessary utensils that you dreamed of owning. Reminding yourself to not get too uppity and European-y is always good advice.

How To Stall For The Perfect Wedding: New Girl Wedding Advice 22

There was so much rising action leading up to the finale that I feared Schmidt and Cece’s wedding wouldn’t live up to all the hype. In reality, their wedding was exactly what it should be. The show was able to have their wedding cake and eat it too. Schmidt was able to orchestrate the perfect wedding and the couple was able to have an intimate wedding that was perfection. Not all perfect weddings have vineyard dogs giving birth, but all perfect weddings have special moments that you will never forget.

Article written by Megan Suttles

I can't decide if I want to use this space to be witty or insightful. I guess it will be neither.