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Movie Posters Explained By Kids: Summer 2017 Edition

In this Funkhouser series, I conduct spontaneous interviews with my daughters, “A” age 11 and “E” age 8, where they are shown an image of a theatrical movie poster and asked to share their insight in an attempt to decipher the forthcoming feature film’s plot.


Baby Driver (June 28th)


A:  This kid who really wants to drive, so he steals a car from like some bad guy types with tattoos, guns, and stuff, and he’s trying to get away from them during the whole movie.  Probably really loud.
E:  He’s really immature and that’s why even though he’s a teenager, they still call him baby.  He thinks he’s a good driver, but he’s actually not.

Austin Found (July 7th)


A:  A mom who loves her daughter named Austin so much, and she spoils her a lot and does everything to make her rich and popular, but she’s a brat and runs away or maybe she’s kidnapped–but she doesn’t die.

War for the Planet of the Apes (July 14th)


E:  Apes and more apes.  How many apes is too many apes?  There’s just way too many apes, and they’re making a mess of the planet.
A:  People hate the apes cause they’re different, and they’re messing with everybody’s stuff.  Even some of the apes are getting on the other apes’ nerves, and it’s finally come to this.

Girls Trip (July 21st)


A:  This looks inappropriate.
E:  Looks like they saw something that they’ve never seen before.

Atomic Blond (July 28th)


E:  A girl who’s really cool but dangerous, and not as good as Wonder Woman.
A:  About a blond lady who’s having problems, and she decides to kill some of them.

Brigsby Bear (July 28th Limited)


A:  Guy who’s really creepy and his best friend is this bear, or really obsessed with it, but it’s really him the whole time.
E:  About this nerd who wears this scratchy and gross Five Nights at Freddy’s costume, and he’s all lonely, but the bear suit is all he has–and it’s killing him from the inside.

Strange Weather (July 28th)


E:  Old lady emotions.
A:  Well isn’t this strange weather we’re having?  Based on that saying.

The Dark Tower (August 4th)


E:  Something like Dr. Strange.
A:  These people are out to change the world for the better, but it’s not working out too well.

Detroit (August 4th)


E:  What does Detroit mean?
A:  It’s a place.
E:  Nevermind.
A:  I heard it was pretty rough there, and they’re showing how it got that way.

The Glass Castle (August 11th)


A:  She’s in trouble and has her home taken away, so she has to move somewhere with a new family and her new step sisters, and these are her bad memories.

Good Time (August 11th)


E:  A cool party guy is having too good of a time, and he drinks all this beer and wakes up shrunk inside a bottle, trapped forever.  This is why you shouldn’t drink so much.

Polaroid (August 25th)


A:  There’s this antique polaroid camera in a shop that’s a no-touch item, but someone steals it from the collector.  They try it out to see if it works, when they take a picture it takes them into another world, and it’s terrible and scary and they’re trapped forever in the photo.  Goosebumps did it first!

Article written by Matthew Mahone

Follow me on Twitter @M_E_Mahone