Unless you attend the monthly Poetry Slam at the Cat’s Den (make sure to thank your USL folks, btw), you were likely blissfully unawares that Saturday was UNESCO World Poetry Day. But, lo, it was! I imagine that professional poets spent it doing things like staring at flowers, smoking cool cigarettes (or KOOL cigarettes), snapping their fingers insistently on the corner downtown trying to get the crazy dude spouting about the end of the world to USE SOME DAMN METER ALREADY!
Hardly a professional poet myself (you may remember my attempt last year during the tournament; also, how does someone get that job?), I seem to have caught the bug regardless. Therefore, in order to satiate my not particularly nigh insatiable desire to slam some poems, bro, I have written 8 short poems in honor of the ‘Cats upcoming Sweet Sixteen appearance–(half of nigh insatiable, 16 / 2 = 8). Enjoy!
1. Bearcat Basketball (or a Combo of Crap)
Left, Left, Block, Punch,
Up, Right, Punch, Punch,
Down, Down, Punch, Down.
Down, Punch, Kick, Loss.
Some change their socks, and some take a shower,
to give their ‘Cats luck, to enhance their power.
I don’t change my clothing, or wash off my stink,
no, instead of all that, I like to drink.
If the defense ain’t clickin’, then I drink some whiskey,
blockers start blockin’, stealers get frisky.
If the offense looks sluggish, and shots just won’t fall,
I chug 5 warm beers and chase with Fireball.
If our victim is shooting with a rather hot feel-a,
then it’s time to get salt, lime, and tequila.
If we win the title, the nation will shiver,
I just hope I make it back with my liver.
3. A Haiku for KU
Only Lost to Temple Once,
A Most Shocking Loss.
4. This is just to say…
This is just to say,
%&*! YOU VILLANOVA!
I HAD $20 RIDING ON YOU MAKING THE FINAL FOUR, YOU @#^*(%^%!
WHAT THE %&*! WAS THAT?
DO YOU ALWAYS POO THE BED OR JUST WHEN PEOPLE ARE COUNTING ON YOU
GO BACK TO WHEREVER THE HELL VILLANOVA IS!
5. Big 12 Basketball
We think they are good, but really they’re not.
The best thing they do, is lose a lot.
If you can’t make the Sweet Sixteen with Durant,
Then your conference is worthless, and coaching talent is scant.
6. How Verne Sees It
“That’s a great play by the Gonzaga Bulldogs! I had two myself, but I had to put them down last year.”
“Fantastic spacing by the Terrapins. You know Jim, the North American Terrapin is actually on the verge of extinction, how do you feel about that?”
“Incredible basket by the Blue Devils!!! Speaking of, my little sister was possessed by a Devil who, if you can believe it Jim, actually was blue. She died.”
“Otherwordly play by the Kentucky Wildcats!! It’s just incredible, I’ve never seen anything like it, Jim! Almost makes you forget for a second that we’re all going to die one day.”
7. Louisville Sucks!
Coached by a vampire, playing at night,
Something about the Cards isn’t right.
They drain their opponents, they use up possession,
With nothing at stake they don’t learn their lesson.
If no other team, can beat their sucking and pressing,
Then they’ll lose soon enough to the Wildcat Van Helsing.
*I am not the primary author of this poem.