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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Just in Time for Valentine’s Day, It’s the KSR Back Page!

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Friends, I shouldn’t need to tell you that this upcoming Tuesday is Valentine’s Day, that day made for celebrating love in all it’s forms. While there’s not a lot of time spent here at KSR on the machinations of romance, if you’ve ever looked at the back page of this website you’ve likely noticed a number of classified ads taken out by our readers. We thought it might be worth highlighting a few this week in honor of the holiday. Here’s to you and yours on Valentine’s Day.

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LOOKING FOR YOU. High-rated basketball team seeking grad transfer who can come in and knock down long-range shots. Also need rim protector who can catch lobs and rebound his spot. Can you complete us? Call Cats x54422

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MISSED CONNECTION. Me: Handsome, wealthy athlete and spokesperson. You: the jersey I wore for the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history. Please come back? My supermodel wife wants to put you in a shadow box with my ring and MVP trophy. Tom x33222

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LET’S GET HOT. Something about Valentine’s day just makes me want to get all hot and sweaty Also, going to the bank makes me hot and sweaty. And eating dinner. And coaching my basketball team. I may have a thyroid condition or I may just be ready for love. Call me. Bruce x98493

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GET TO KNOW ME? Someone said you were asking about me, wondering who I am. My name is Mike White, I came from Louisiana Tech where I was 81-23 over four seasons. I’ve been in Florida already for like two years, it makes me sad that you haven’t bothered to learn my name yet. Mike x82234

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DO YOU LIKE PAIN WITH YOUR PLEASURE? I’ll give you all the highs of a great recruiting class and a win over North Carolina but then punish you with a Tennessee loss. Feel the exquisite torture with a March climax. Cal x21233

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GIRLS DIRECT TO YOU! Need some company? Are you a good defender with a solid FG percentage? Don’t be lonely. Let us take care of you. Don’t worry, no one will ever find out. Probably. Andre x23363

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MISSED CONNECTION. Me: Saw you at the Knicks game. Shouted at you, trying to get your attention but you didn’t notice. So I poked a security guard in the temple and then I had to go to jail. Hit me up? Oakley x75434

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LOOK TO THE STARS. What does your future hold? Let me look into the cosmos and determine what’s to come. Major credit cards accepted. Madame Lunardi’s Psychic Emporium x1432

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Article written by C.M. Tomlin

All I want is a HI-C and a turkey sandwich. @CM_Tomlin

2 Comments for Just in Time for Valentine’s Day, It’s the KSR Back Page!



  1. taylorman712
    6:39 pm February 10, 2017 Permalink

    Please remove this junk man. I’m a huge Kentucky fan and I love coming to this site. However, did you know that a great deal of human trafficking happens through back pages? Hate me, laugh at me, joke at me all you want. Please try something else with this.



  2. BiasedBigfoot
    1:24 am February 11, 2017 Permalink

    Dude…trafficking is a vile evil. But I always find Tomlin funny.
    Let’s not connect an innocent article with the disreputable behavior that some people engage in. Rather, lets enjoy this article AND make active steps to change websites so they are harder to abuse. Actions speak louder than opinions ( even if they’re accurate).