Hello, friends. Here we are, in February, with the ultimate wrap-up of the 2015-16 basketball season upon us. As we all know, next month begins the true trek to our next hopeful National Championship, it’s time to start keeping our eyes on the prize. But what would the situation be if the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament started today? We boiled down some hard facts to find out what we could look forward to.
Villanova, Iowa, UNC and Oklahoma would likely pull the one seeds.
There’s been a lot of parity in this year’s field, but these four teams have maintained the solid records to prove A team like Kansas or, to a lesser extent Xavier, might pull off one of these top seeds but should the tournament start today, these four would be most likely.
Kentucky would probably be a four or five seed in the Southern Region.
This would send them to either Oklahoma City, Denver or St. Louis, the latter being the easiest drive for Kentucky fans.
UK would likely not have many fans attending the games.
If the game were to be held in St. Louis today, we would have no prior notice to arrange travel, which means only fans within driving distance from St. Louis could make it to the games and, even at that, the fact that the NCAA Tournament was suddenly announced today would make it hard to find tickets. Oklahoma City or Denver, for in-state Kentucky fans, would depend upon flight times this morning to those cities, and buying a ticket at the last second is always very pricey.
Alex Poythress would miss the first two weeks of the NCAA Tournament.
Per Cal’s announcement this week, two weeks out for Poythress would make him again ineligible for the first two weeks of the NCAA Tournament, only rejoining the team should the Wildcats make it to a Final Four in Houston.
Many people would miss important events.
A sudden shift in time to March 17 would cause people to miss important dates in their lives. People who were to be married in late February were not able to get married as the date did not technically exist in this version of our universe. People who purchased tickets to Blake Shelton’s YUM Center concert next Friday would not be compensated for the money they lost when the event never occurred. If you had a dentist appointment in early March, you’d have to reschedule because your appointment never happened.
Our economic infrastructure would reach a state of panic.
The unpredicted removal a full thirty-five days of the financial quarter would toss the business world into total chaos, not to mention what the event would do to the NASDAQ. Also, every single person in the world will miss payment on anything due during the time between February 11 and March 17, creating a need for the government to step in as a mediator between individuals, corporations and credit companies.
Bears would wake up from hibernation too late.
Bears have adapted their internal rhythms to coincide with the cold months, where food shortages often occur. Harsh winters often kill off a percentage of animals like deer and elk, leading the bears to feast on their carcasses when they wake in late February. Shortening the winter by a month would allow more animals to remain alive, shorting the bears this food when they waken — which, given that they are asleep during the time change, will probably now be early April.
Bears, suffering from a lack of food, would turn their sites on other prey.
While our human brains would undoubtedly find it confusing to wake up today and have it suddenly be March 17, for a bear to wake up at arguably the end of spring would be difficult for the bear to comprehend. Add to this the fact that food will be more scarce and bears will naturally turn to other sources for food, possibly humans, creating a dangerous environment.
Children would be going to school until July and the government would have to add a month to the calendar.
With snow days, many Kentucky children are already looking at an early June dismissal. With the complete disappearance of an entire month of the school calendar, classes will extend into the summer. The government, in addition to rescheduling debates creating a committee for bear control, will have to add a “thirteenth month” to the calendar, which means that New Year’s Eve would not be on December 31 but instead on the last day of this new invented month, which doesn’t have a name or a number of days yet.
You wouldn’t have to spend any money on Valentine’s Day.
Hey, at least there’s a silver lining to February 14 never having occurred in 2016. Unfortunately, the Vermont Teddy Bear company has gone out of business anyway as nearly all of its corporate board members were eaten by confused bears at an off-site ropes course training event. All previously-placed orders will be refunded.