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Game of Thrones: The Mountain Theory. Just Who’s Under the Golden Helmet?

 

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Scarf courtesy of Urban Outfitters

Whoa, hey buddy, didn’t see you standing there.  Welcome to Game of Thrones conspiracy corner, your one-stop shop for all the wildest conspiracy theories gathered from the interweb.  I’ve been hitting the Milk of the poppy pretty hard, so I hope you’ll allow me to build castles in the air for a moment.  Great, put your tin foil hats on, ’cause I don’t want anyone eavesdropping on our little tête-à-tête.  Since the end of GoT, Season 4, there’s been some scuttlebutt, albeit relatively quiet until now, as to the whereabouts of one, Ser Gregor Clegane, aka The Mountain.  Or should I say, formerly known as the Mountain?  After being declared the victor against Oberyn Martell in Tyrion’s trial by combat, Clegane faces certain death having been poisoned by Martell’s spear which was laced by manticore venom, the deadliest toxin in the GoT world.  Maester Pycelle informs Cersei that all hope is lost, but surprisingly she dismisses him, turning instead to Qyburn, a former maester who’s really into necromancy, and known for performing unorthodox and “unnatural” experimentations on living (and possibly dead) subjects.  Presented with a fresh guinea pig, Qyburn is granted permission to conduct his frankenstein experiment on Clegane.  In the interest of full disclosure, the mad maester states, “you should know the process may change him.”  Hearing this, Cersei asks, “will it weaken him?”  To which Qyburn confidently responds, “oh no!”

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“You know nothing, Matt Mahone”

Whatever, Jon Snow!  Fast-forward to Season 5, where we see tiny glimpses of Clegane covered and horizontal on a mortician’s slab, however, it’s not until Cersei’s 5k walk of shame, where we get our first look at the now vertical, mysterious hulking figure waiting on her at the finish line.  “May I introduce, The Mountain, er, Ser Robert Strong!”  We all know it’s Gregor Clegane, right?  Right?  There’s just something a little unhinged about his appearance though.  Here’s what the books tell us about the newest member of the Kingsguard:

“Tell me, ser, where did this man come from?” demanded Mace Tyrell. “Why have we never heard his name before? He does not speak, he will not show his face, he is never seen without his armor. Do we know for a certainty that he is even a knight?”

“We do not even know if he’s alive. Meryn Trant claimed that Strong took neither food nor drink, and Boros Blount went so far as to say he had never seen the man use the privy. Why should he? Dead men do not s—.”

— A Dance With Dragons, Epilogue

In GoT, Qyburn confirms Strong’s vow of silence saying, “he will not speak until all of King Tommen’s enemies are dead and evil has been driven from the realm.”  A theory suggests that King Tommen’s fate may rest in the hands of Ser Robert Strong.  While it’s most certainly The Mountain’s body under the armor, we know from the books that the Lannister’s sent Clegane’s head to Dorne shortly after his battle with The Viper as a peace offering.  Many believe the artifact that arrived at Dorne, while large enough to be The Mountain’s, was actually the skull of a dwarf.  GoT is known for some wild plot-lines and deviations from the books, regardless that head is clearly not Clegane’s.

Here are 6 possible theories as to who or what is under that golden helmet.

Hodor

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Whatchu talkin’ bout Willis?  C’mon, before you say poor “Hodor”, prithee just hear me out.  Have you considered the fact that we’ve never seen the loyal companion and The Mountain in the same scene together in any of the six seasons?  Both men have incredible strength, a limited vocabulary, and an unwavering loyalty to those they serve.  What if Hodor isn’t actually a one-word mumbling simpleton, but a ruthless mastermind in the vein of Keyser Söze, who just faked his own death at the hands of the White Walkers, leading fans to a mind-blowing final episode?  Furthermore, some speculate that the phrase Hodor “Hold The Door” is a red herring, rather HODOR is actually an acronym for:  Hawkish, Oversized opportunist and Deceiver, Only he’s Robert Strong.

LEGO Mini-figure with Light Flesh, Stubble and Evil White Eyes Head

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Seriously, it’s a cheap fix at only 200 Gold Dragons.

Salvatore “Big Pussy” Bonpensiero

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The HBO crossover connection theory.  Thought to be long dead after being whacked and thrown to the fishes into the Narrow Sea, it would be sort of a miracle to see him emerge as the head of Ser Robert Strong, but the waters of the Mediterranean-type sea is full of salt.  Sea salt is a great exfoliant and also a preservative.  Similar to the stuff those kiosk vendors hock at the mall, maybe it’s really legit.  Big Puss is known for having a history of vanishing for extended periods of time, then miraculously reappearing with pretty iron-clad alibis explaining his whereabouts.  He’s not afraid to snuff out a rat or a Sparrow for that matter, which is just what Cersei needs right now.

Dan Conner

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Remember when Roseanne hit the lotto, but it turned out she had dreamt it up to mask her pain after losing her beloved husband, Dan.  The strong family patriarch (in a classic GoT storyline move) suffered a heart attack while at his daughter’s wedding.  Let’s assume it’s true that the hard-working 90’s blue-collar mom, did in fact lose her husband, but here’s the rub, suppose the Conner’s didn’t live in the 20th century at all, but rather in 303 AL.  In reality, Roseanne lived in medieval-ish times and had been in a coma after being kicked in the head by a mule, while unconscious, her husband Dan, while attending his daughter’s wedding, was murdered and decapitated, only to have his head spliced on The Mountain’s body!

Patton Oswalt

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GoT is a dark show, therefore HBO is planning to provide more levity to future episodes.  Comedian Patton Oswalt is hilarious and besides, y’all take this s*** way too seriously anyways.

Joffrey Baratheon

Search your heart, you know this conspiracy to be true, just look at those bloodshot baby blues, eyebrow arches, and discolored, purply-hued clammy skin.  Cersei wants to crush her enemies, so she needs someone who shares her ruthless mind, and one who’s loyal and devoted to protecting her.  Need more evidence?  Seems like the strongest knight in the realm doesn’t take to kindly to a drunkard who mocks his momma, Queen.  But how will she feel, when in combat, someone Master Blaster’s Ser Robert Strong’s helmet off and as the golden helm bounces on the ground with a thud, the camera pans upward in slow-mo to the now exposed face?  Cersei recoils and screams in horror as she sees the noggin of her beloved, now decapitated son resting on the Mountain’s massive frame.  Noooooooooo!  Case closed.

Article written by Matthew Mahone

Follow me on Twitter @M_E_Mahone

6 Comments for Game of Thrones: The Mountain Theory. Just Who’s Under the Golden Helmet?



  1. RadioshackGreg
    10:29 am May 23, 2016 Permalink

    Without a doubt the single worst article written on this site. The head is very clearly the montains, it’s just been bloated from being dead for awhile. I mean, this is not even a controversy in ASOIAF circles and it’s widely known that Gregor is under there and the head was a fake. Not funny, not informative, not UK. 0/10 garbage.



    • Catuary
      11:08 am May 23, 2016 Permalink

      Agree. I am dumber for having read this drivel. Enough of the pop culture articles, unless they’re written by Drew Franklin. If there were a way virtually to throw rotten vegetables and beer bottles at the blog, I’d be doing it now.



  2. Sentient Third Eye
    10:58 am May 23, 2016 Permalink

    GoT desperately needs to improve the quality of the writing. I can excuse the weak acting on some characters because it’s a TV show and doesn’t have to have the production values of a feature film, but the haphazard writing is making the show unwatchable for me. Why can’t they get back to the quality of season 1, especially now that they aren’t bound by the books (which are also considerably weaker after the first few)? I figured the reason to move away from following the novels was to allow the writing to improve, but it isn’t happening.

    This show has the potential to be so good, but it forgets that even with overarching stories going on, each episode still needs a beginning, middle and ending so that each one is a satisfying meal. As it is, the writing for the series has become a thematic mess and a structural nightmare.



    • bakju keha
      11:08 am May 23, 2016 Permalink

      you cant be serious debbie downer?? has potential? it already is far and above the best show on television, has the best story and acting. how one can say it has weak acting is just being ridiculous. you sir, like many i sadly know, just want to find a reason to hate on something just so you can argue. so stupid.

      also this article was stupid



    • RadioshackGreg
      11:28 am May 23, 2016 Permalink

      The books are 1000% better than the show. How can you say the books aren’t good after the first few? The second half of Dance is amazing, and Storm is one of the most exciting books of all time. You’re a fool.



  3. Ryan
    12:32 pm May 23, 2016 Permalink

    Just dumb! Why even make this article?