Whoa, hey buddy, didn’t see you standing there. Welcome to Game of Thrones conspiracy corner, your one-stop shop for all the wildest conspiracy theories gathered from the interweb. I’ve been hitting the Milk of the poppy pretty hard, so I hope you’ll allow me to build castles in the air for a moment. Great, put your tin foil hats on, ’cause I don’t want anyone eavesdropping on our little tÃªte-Ã -tÃªte. Since the end of GoT, Season 4, there’s been some scuttlebutt, albeit relatively quiet until now, as to the whereabouts of one, Ser Gregor Clegane, aka The Mountain. Or should I say, formerly known as the Mountain? After being declared the victor against Oberyn Martell in Tyrion’s trial by combat, Clegane faces certain death having been poisoned by Martell’s spear which was laced by manticore venom, the deadliest toxin in the GoT world. Maester Pycelle informs Cersei that all hope is lost, but surprisingly she dismisses him, turning instead to Qyburn, a former maester who’s really into necromancy, and known for performing unorthodox and “unnatural” experimentations on living (and possibly dead) subjects. Presented with a fresh guinea pig, Qyburn is granted permission to conduct his frankenstein experiment on Clegane. In the interest of full disclosure, the mad maester states, “you should know the process may change him.” Hearing this, Cersei asks, “will it weaken him?” To which Qyburn confidently responds, “oh no!”
Whatever, Jon Snow! Fast-forward to Season 5, where we see tiny glimpses of Clegane covered and horizontal on a mortician’s slab, however, it’s not until Cersei’s 5k walk of shame, where we get our first look at the now vertical, mysterious hulking figure waiting on her at the finish line. “May I introduce,
The Mountain, er, Ser Robert Strong!” We all know it’s Gregor Clegane, right? Right? There’s just something a little unhinged about his appearance though. Here’s what the books tell us about the newest member of the Kingsguard:
“Tell me, ser, where did this man come from?” demanded Mace Tyrell. “Why have we never heard his name before? He does not speak, he will not show his face, he is never seen without his armor. Do we know for a certainty that he is even a knight?”
“We do not even know if he’s alive. Meryn Trant claimed that Strong took neither food nor drink, and Boros Blount went so far as to say he had never seen the man use the privy. Why should he? Dead men do not s—.”
— A Dance With Dragons, Epilogue
In GoT, Qyburn confirms Strong’s vow of silence saying, “he will not speak until all of King Tommen’s enemies are dead and evil has been driven from the realm.” A theory suggests that King Tommen’s fate may rest in the hands of Ser Robert Strong. While it’s most certainly The Mountain’s body under the armor, we know from the books that the Lannister’s sent Clegane’s head to Dorne shortly after his battle with The Viper as a peace offering. Many believe the artifact that arrived at Dorne, while large enough to be The Mountain’s, was actually the skull of a dwarf. GoT is known for some wild plot-lines and deviations from the books, regardless that head is clearly not Clegane’s.
Here are 6 possible theories as to who or what is under that golden helmet.
Whatchu talkin’ bout Willis? C’mon, before you say poor “Hodor”, prithee just hear me out. Have you considered the fact that we’ve never seen the loyal companion and The Mountain in the same scene together in any of the six seasons? Both men have incredible strength, a limited vocabulary, and an unwavering loyalty to those they serve. What if Hodor isn’t actually a one-word mumbling simpleton, but a ruthless mastermind in the vein of Keyser SÃ¶ze, who just faked his own death at the hands of the White Walkers, leading fans to a mind-blowing final episode? Furthermore, some speculate that the phrase Hodor “Hold The Door” is a red herring, rather HODOR is actually an acronym for: Hawkish, Oversized opportunist and Deceiver, Only he’s Robert Strong.
LEGO Mini-figure with Light Flesh, Stubble and Evil White Eyes Head
Seriously, it’s a cheap fix at only 200 Gold Dragons.
Salvatore “Big Pussy” Bonpensiero
The HBO crossover connection theory. Thought to be long dead after being whacked and thrown to the fishes into the Narrow Sea, it would be sort of a miracle to see him emerge as the head of Ser Robert Strong, but the waters of the Mediterranean-type sea is full of salt. Sea salt is a great exfoliant and also a preservative. Similar to the stuff those kiosk vendors hock at the mall, maybe it’s really legit. Big Puss is known for having a history of vanishing for extended periods of time, then miraculously reappearing with pretty iron-clad alibis explaining his whereabouts. He’s not afraid to snuff out a rat or a Sparrow for that matter, which is just what Cersei needs right now.
Remember when Roseanne hit the lotto, but it turned out she had dreamt it up to mask her pain after losing her beloved husband, Dan. The strong family patriarch (in a classic GoT storyline move) suffered a heart attack while at his daughter’s wedding. Let’s assume it’s true that the hard-working 90’s blue-collar mom, did in fact lose her husband, but here’s the rub, suppose the Conner’s didn’t live in the 20th century at all, but rather in 303 AL. In reality, Roseanne lived in medieval-ish times and had been in a coma after being kicked in the head by a mule, while unconscious, her husband Dan, while attending his daughter’s wedding, was murdered and decapitated, only to have his head spliced on The Mountain’s body!
GoT is a dark show, therefore HBO is planning to provide more levity to future episodes. Comedian Patton Oswalt is hilarious and besides, y’all take this s*** way too seriously anyways.
Search your heart, you know this conspiracy to be true, just look at those bloodshot baby blues, eyebrow arches, and discolored, purply-hued clammy skin. Cersei wants to crush her enemies, so she needs someone who shares her ruthless mind, and one who’s loyal and devoted to protecting her. Need more evidence? Seems like the strongest knight in the realm doesn’t take to kindly to a drunkard who mocks his
momma, Queen. But how will she feel, when in combat, someone Master Blaster’s Ser Robert Strong’s helmet off and as the golden helm bounces on the ground with a thud, the camera pans upward in slow-mo to the now exposed face? Cersei recoils and screams in horror as she sees the noggin of her beloved, now decapitated son resting on the Mountain’s massive frame. Noooooooooo! Case closed.