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Friday Fivehouser: Paul’s Dead Edition

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Struggling to make it down the home stretch before Labor Day weekend? Here are five things to do on the internet this afternoon instead of working: 

1. Read an interview where Billy Ray gets all achy-breaky over Miley.

This GQ interview from 2011 just popped up on longform.org. It’s an excellent read, but I can’t for the life of me figure out why anyone would be interested in Cyrus-centric stories this week.

For my money, the best part isn’t reading Billy Ray lament his terrible parenting choices or claim that he was friends with Kurt Cobain (seriously, huh?), but this story about meeting Michael Jackson at the Grammys:

“I met Michael one time at the Grammys. He sat in front of me, in the front row, and a dime rolled out from under and hit my boot–this very boot I’ve got on–and I reached down and picked up this dime, and looked, he was going through his pockets, and I said, ‘Are you looking for this?’ ‘Thank you.’ And he took that dime and put it back in his pocket. I looked at my manager, I just said, ‘Why did Michael Jackson have a dime?…’ Nobody could tell me.”

Real good question, Billy Ray. Real good question.

2. Watch videos of the Replacements reunion at Toronto’s Riot Fest.

There’s a famous but apocryphal Brian Eno quote that goes “The Velvet Underground’s first album only sold 3,000 copies, but everyone who bought it started a band.” You could say that about any number of commercially under-appreciated bands that were nonetheless adored by “real” music lovers, of which the Replacements were a prime example. To the delight of fans of drunken, catchy rock and roll everywhere, the ‘Mats got back together in Toronto recently (though, honestly, a more accurate billing might have been Paul Westerberg with special guest Tommy Stinson) and some decent quality video found its way online.

Do yourself a favor and start with Westerberg’s ode to best-band-that-didn’t-sell-any-records predecessors Big Star:

3. Play Crunchball 3000

The quickest way I know to end all chance of productive work for an afternoon is to start a career in this fast-paced dystopian football/hockey/soccer hybrid flash game. I’m a sucker for any sports video game with a dynasty or franchise mode, but this one also gives you the option to bribe officials or supply your team with PEDs.

Plus, you get to name your team and choose its color scheme, which means you can fantasize about how a post-apocalyptic cyborg Cal might assemble an unstoppable Big Blue crunchball juggernaut.

4. Catch up on Red State Update

Jackie Broyles and Dunlap are fantastically hilarious caricatures of two of my favorite country-folk archetypes: the crotchety old man and the too-old-to-be-getting-buck-wild-while-living-in-his-momma’s-basement good ole boy. Though Jonathan Shockley and Travis Harmon created the characters to satirize “red state” hillbilly stereotypes, it’s easy to see that their satire comes chocked full of love. Lately, the duo has been showing up only in podcast form, which can be downloaded or “watched” on youtube.

But if I were you, I’d start with one of the classic Mr. Slaw appearances:

5. Listen to this new Paul McCartney song, then get sucked down the “Paul is Dead” rabbit hole.

So Paul McCartney’s releasing a new album, just to rub the fact that he’s the last surviving (non-Ringo) Beatle in everyone’s face. OR IS HE?????

The “Paul is dead” rumor has been kicking around since 1966, but you know the internet has to have something awesome to say about it. I don’t know about you, but I could easily burn four hours digging through all this mess.

 

@JDHoller

 

 

 

 

Article written by J.D. Holler