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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Fandom Week Presents: Fan Fiction

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Fan fiction is basically the ultimate measure of control that a fan can exert over their favorite pieces of pop culture.  If you don’t like the way that something happened, or if you don’t think the main character should have married so and so, YOU can change it.  All you have to do is sit at a computer for a couple of hours and viola!  Everything you ever dreamed of happening to Harry Potter has come true!

Most of the time this is kept to internet fan pages and stricken on the heart of the author.  I’m not sure who actually reads most fan fic actually.  But you never know!  After all, what began as a Twilight fan-fic ended up moistening the collective drawers of bored housewives the world over (Entitled Master of the Universe too!).  Unfortunately, for me, my one foray into writing fan fiction (out of numerous ideas) did not lead to world-wide accolades.

Yes, as a video gaming 16 year old, I put finger to keyboard and wrote a fan-fic piece based on the video game Legacy of Kain.  For those of you who didn’t play this wonderful series, it’s a Gothic universe filled with vampires who speak like British aristocracy.  It’s awesome, something my fan-fic is not.  I mean, my email handle at the time was GandalftheGrey502.  My piece is called ‘The Last Sarafan’ and I’m going to link to it here because I believe in John Oliver’s #MutuallyAssuredHumiliation.

People who write fan-fiction are passionate, they’re over flowing with creativity (mostly), and they need an outlet.  Fan Forums are this vent for lots of people who want to write (and lots of people that shouldn’t, because ewww, gross).  If you want to celebrate your favorite movie, book, album or video game by making it the way it should’ve been in your head, then kudos to you my friend!  I hope you enjoy the results.

But maybe you’ve never tried your hand at this artful craft.  Maybe you have wonderful ideas for how the Hunger Games should’ve gone, but you’re afraid to let these ideas out.  Maybe, all this time, underneath your stolid, workaday exterior, you too have grandiose dreams!  Well fear not to tread here, dear friends.  In fact, here are several ideas for fan-fics that you can have, compliments of your friends here at Funkhouser!

1.  Cats to the Future

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In Cats to the Future, Aaron Harrison is spending the summer at UK practicing.  He feels like something was wrong with the National Championship Game from the previous season, but he’s trying to let it go.  One night, however, while practicing shots outside the Wildcat Lodge, Aaron sees DeLorean appear out of nowhere!

It’s Doctor Emmett Brown!  He tells Aaron that there was something wrong with the title game and that Aaron must come back with him and fix it to save the future from cascading UCONN championships!  It turns out that Sha-Biff Napier-Tannen had stolen Coach Cal’s playbook, and only Aaron could get to it in time and fix history by cat-apulting the Cats to Number Nine!

There are all sorts of hijinks where Aaron has to trick his (2 month) younger self into not seeing him in line at Whataburger, and where Sha-Biff chases him down the streets of Arlington in a classic convertible, ending up where all Tannens end up eventually.

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In the end, with his younger version knocked out at half-time, it’s up to Aaron to get into the game and hit the game winning shot to give the Cats the title they were destined to have.  Aaron fixes the past and the UCONN championship is no more.

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The Huskies didn’t deserve it anyway, a 1.21 GPA??!?! GREAT SCOTT!!


2.  2014 Reds Magazine from the Cincinnati Reds Gameday Publications

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“In this issue we celebrate the 2013 Reds baseball season as we prepare for the Reds to repeat as champions!  We all remember the dominance of Cueto and Chapman last postseason, as well as the heroics from Joey Votto, whose hitting with runners in scoring position was fantastic.  After beating the Pirates in the WildCard Playoff (a game they just couldn’t have choked away, they never do that!) the RedLegs began their magical run to the World Series where they beat the Red Sox in six games, with the help of MVP Outfielder, Jay Bruce.

Now, with everyone healthy, the Reds have begun their World Series defense in style, composing a 30-11 record this far into the season.  The hottest team in baseball doesn’t fear any other team and with pitching this inconsistent dominant, hitting this paltry incredible, there’s never seemed a surer thing than the prediction that the Reds will pull off two collapses World Titles in a row.”


3.  Excerpts from the 114th ThunderCongress

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SEN. LION-O: I’m not sure how this works in Eternia, but there are laws in Thundera that prevent the government of the Universe from doing just that.  And to have free, unmanned Trollans shifting about dimension to dimension is something that my constituents and others have serious and grave concerns about.  This is why we have a code of laws, this is what Thunderans before us have sacrified to protects and what Thunderans long after we’re gone will sacrifice to protect, these freedoms.  If we’re going to have this change to section 17d of the article 14 of this bill, it’s something that we should table until we have a quorum of Senators here and can fully debate the law in question.

SEN. PRINCE ADAM: Would the Senator from Thundera yield for a question?

SEN. LION-O: I will not yield the floor but I will allow the Eternian Senator to make comments.

SEN. PRINCE ADAM: If you will yield for a question, I would just ask whether you are aware of the bill before this body that some members of the Senate judiciary committee have already championed, likening the Trollans to another species, specifically the species of which your personal nurse-maid Osbert is part?

SEN. LION-O: Yes, Senator, I am aware of this bill, but I would point you to section 23 of the second article of bill 1710 for the 110th session of the ThunderCongress which states that “Snarfs are a subspecies of the inter-dimensional cat family and heretofore have been considered a separate entity from other species commonly referred to as IDPLTs (Inter-Dimensional Pet-Like Things).”  I believe that relieves the Snarfs in perpetuity from the same regulation governing other IDPLTs.

SEN. PRINCE ADAM: Will you yield the floor for further discussion on this subsection.

SEN. LION-O: I will not yield to any further discussion on this subject.


 

 

Article written by Kalan Kucera

So by your account Harold Potter was a perfectly ordinary Englishman without any tendency towards being a Scotsman whatsoever?