I have an important announcement to make. I’m breaking up with The Walking Dead. I feel weird saying that. I’ve loved the show for so long. Originally, it was like nothing I’d ever seen before. It was acceptable violence. Those weren’t people. They were zombies. I could daydream about how long I would survive in that situation. (The answer is: I would most likely be patient zero.) The truth is, a relationship based on violence and hypothetical situations cannot last. It’s not the show. It’s me. I’ve moved on. I’m just not that interested in their story any more. More than likely you have a show that you need to prune from your list. Here’s how you know it’s time to give up, pack up and move on with a show.
When you are distracted and uninterested in the show
This seems like a no-brainer. Obviously, if you aren’t entirely entertained by a show you shouldn’t be watching it. But old habits die hard. If I am scheduled to watch a show, then I feel as if I must. I’ve invested so much in the show. I’m not ashamed to say I cried when Lori died. I’m not ashamed to say that once, I got grossed out while eating a plate of spaghetti while a zombie feasted on a man’s innards. I’m somewhat entertained by the sheer amount of bandaids Rick has been able to fit on his face this season. I even read a few of the graphic novels.
Recently, however, we don’t have that same spark that we used to. Now, I’d much rather take deep dives into twitter or browse Amazon than pay attention to what is on screen.
This is the first sign that it is time to move on.
When you don’t care about the spoilers
The best relationship advice ever given to me was to think about the other person dating someone else. If thinking about the other person happy, but not with you, was something that didn’t make you sad, but you were totally cool with, then it was time to break up with them.
The same reasoning applies to TV shows. If the thought of having a huge plot point spoiled doesn’t stress you out, then it is time to cut the cord. Crop them out of your one good profile picture and change your status.
The Walking Dead could turn out to be a dream. I’d be totally fine with that. So long as I don’t have to sit through the whole thing with Rick calling his son Cur-uhl.
I’m no longer emotionally attached, so I’m good with whatever spoilers you could sling at me.
When it’s just about removing it from your DVR
No number haunts me more than the DVR storage percentage. That sucker is relentless. While I’m out making a living or God forbid, getting a well-deserved night’s rest, she is compiling more for me to waste my time on. (And yes, the DVR is a she. Like other machinery, i.e. guitars and cars, DVRs are female. They require a lot of attention and if you ignore them long enough they will destroy what is most dear to you. I’m talking about your favorite recordings)
That took a dark turn.
The point is, I take great pride in completing a task. Crossing things off a to-do list makes me feel as if I’ve accomplished something. Even if “what I’ve accomplished” is “sit and watch zombies get their head squashed like a full tick.”
I’m not watching because I’m concerned about Rick & Co. I’m just watching to be a good steward to my DVR. Who does that? What does that say about me? This is clearly the time to say goodbye.
I know someday, The Walking Dead and I will have that “The Breakup Moment.” You know, the end where Jennifer Aniston passes by Vince Vaughn after they have spent some time apart. On a crowded street they look at each other and they know that they shared something special, but that was in the past. They’ve moved on and each is better because of it.
That took a weird turn.
The point is, I’m done with The Walking Dead and if you want to keep watching it, that’s totally cool with me.