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2013: Were The Soothsayers Correct?

DelphiJust as every year begins with confident prognostication, so it ends with those predictions either coming to pass or never panning out.  2013 was no different.  However, some of the ancient Greek seers used their gifts to foresee major happenings last year, and now is the time to see how accurate were their visions.

“The fox will be heard while speaking strange words.”

The absurdist video by Ylvis is the obvious choice, with the sleeper being big-screen meh White House Down.

“The frozen stallions will once again ride on ice.”

The NHL lockout ended in January.  Four Americans noticed.  Oh, and horsemeat was found in frozen Ikea meatballs, so I guess that works, too.

“After the sheen wears dull and the Crying Man is covered in ash, the Pious Son will return.”

Two years after Sheen leaves and Jon Cryer pairs up with Ashton Kutcher, Angus T. Young finds God and rejects 2.5 Men, but returns after realizing he couldn’t yet retire and would be doing Proactiv infomercials before he turns 30.  The show still sucks.

“The Powers That Be shall cease to rule.”

Gotta go with the US government shutdown, though the final episode of Eastbound & Down is a close second.

“The half-man will be brought low, but will aim to be redeemed.”

Tyrion Lannister, or Lance Armstrong?

“A prince from a prince, a ring for a king.”

Royal Baby, for sure, but the next one is either Lebron winning another NBA championship or The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.  Or *gasp* maybe they’re a year early in predicting DeMarcus Cousins’ first NBA championship?!

“A star shall alight, a star shall fall to Earth, a star is yet to come.”

While these could all be about Miley Cyrus (even that last one, with Miley twerking the Li’lest Cyrus) I’m thinking they refer to Lorde, Sandra Bullock, and maybe Shailene Woodley?  Addison Timlin?  Maddisyn Tuttzler?  I totally made up that last one, but since every actress under 30 has an obviously fake name, it’s only a matter of time before we get dystopic YA romance/drama The Thwarted: Winds of Destiny, starring Maddisyn Tuttzler.

“A star, already burning brightly, will catch fire.”

Probably Jennifer Lawrence, but could be Paul Walker.

“Jennifer Lawrence will have a really good year.”

That settles it, then.

“A star once bright will fade to black.”

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn–Part 2 wins Worst Picture at the Golden Raspberry Awards.  Or maybe Julianne Hough somehow not knowing that blackface is super-offensive?

“A princess shall be born to a peasant.”

My daughter was born in March, so I’ll take this one.

Pretty spot-on, those prophecies.  What will 2014 bring?  That is fodder for another post, my friends.  Let’s hope that 2014 brings wonderful diversions, excellent food and drink and friends, fame and fortune for all associated with Funkhouser and KSR, and most importantly, #9.

Article written by Matt Shorr