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100 Things That I Wish Died In 2016

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Last year, I boldly made 100 predictions about what would happen in 2016.  Some of my guesses were dead on.   I predicted that “The election will create new catch phrases.” It sure did.  The election spawned phrases like “A basket of deplorables” and “bad hombre.”  I was correct when I predicted Leo would win an Academy Award.  I am certain, however, that no one correctly predicted all of the craziness that 2016 has had to offer.  It has been a year that the internet has deemed “the worst.”  2016 has killed a space princess, a space oddity, a gorilla and the G.O.A.T.    While it has become internet cute to rage against this year, there are a few things that I would rather have died during the past 365 days.  Sure, I wish things like violence and racism would die in 2016, but first we should set our sights on more attainable goals.   Below is some of the low hanging fruit that I wish had died during 2016.  

1. Predictions.  We’ve established that nothing is predictable anymore.

2. Lists of predictions about things

3. Movies about things. (Like Jumanji)

4. Or Angry Birds

5. Or Trolls 

6. Or Emojis

7. The The Lego Movie can stay.  I like The Lego Movie.

8. Movies rooted in nostalgia. (like The Power Rangers Movie)

9. Or Beauty and the Beast     

10. Or Baywatch

11. Or Ducktales

12. Or Hey Arnold!

13. Or Sex in the City 3

14. Fuller House Season 3

15. Candace Cameron Bure’s need to spend time on things that are NOT terrible Christmas Movies.  I like those a lot.  

16. Siri. I’m not impressed.

17. Or Alexa

18. Bottle Flipping

19. Filming Bottle Flipping

20. Filming the Running Man Challenge

21. Filming the Mannequin Challenge

22. Filming Doctors popping pimples

23. Filming Carpool Karaoke can stay.  I really like that.

24. Tying anything around your neck and calling it a choker

25. Bathing suits with sayings on them like “Bae Watch”

26. Or “Mermaid”

27. Or “Rosé. All Day.”

28. Or “Birthday Suit.” (actually, that one’s kinda funny, it can stay.)

29. Pool floats that look like flamingos

30. Or Swans

31. Or Pretzels

32. Or Donuts

33. Whatever those pants are with the saggy crotch

34. Or Crop tops

35. I like jumpsuits.  Those can stay.

36. The food trend of pretending to like macaroons

37. New Starbucks drinks like “Pink Drink”

38. Or anything from the “Starbucks Tuxedo Collection.”

39. Trying to make radishes the new kale

40. Making Poke Bowls the new Sushi

41. Using the phrase “Make _______ Great Again.”

42. Hating on Timberlake’s masterpiece, “Can’t Stop the Feeling.” 

43. Pretending you don’t like any Shawn Mendez Jams

44. Pretending The Chainsmokers are a legitimate and reputable source of music

45. Numbered Twitter Rants 

46. Shared fake news on Facebook

47. Celebrity fake news (Taylor Swift’s pretend boyfriends and Ryan Lochte’s fake robbery)

48. The Kardashians slow descent into madness

49. But seriously, Bottle flipping

50. #OscarsSoWhite as a hashtag

51. And #OscarsSoWhite as an actual truth 

52. Listing movies like The Martian as a comedy

53. Listing shows like Transparent as a comedy

54. Movies about historic events that happened less than ten years ago

55. SnapChat filters that last longer than a month

56. Predictable TV show endings (a la Westworld)

57. Or Gilmore Girls

58. Professional athletes desire to wear large hats

59. NFL athletes being fined for wearing individualized cleats  

60. Giving up hope during 3-1 leads

61. Corrupting my childhood memories with internet memes (Arthur’s fist)

62. Or Evil kermit

63.While we are at it, we can cool it on the musicals….just a little bit.

64. Adding the word “Gate” to scandals, like “Deflategate”

65. Or “bridgegate”

66. Or “Weinergate”

67. Or “Lochtegate”

68. Adding the word “exit” to an exodus, like “Brexit”

69. Or Frexit (France leaving the EU)

70. Or Texit (Texas leaving the United States)

71. Or Bragelinexit. (Angelina leaving Brad)

72. Using the phrase “Breaks the internet”

73. Or “On Fleek” 

74. Or “Lit.”

75. Or “Savage.”  

76. Woke can stay. I like saying “stay woke.”

77. Celebrities low key selling things on Instagram.  Stay woke.

78. Still woke?

79. Phones without headphone jacks

80. People being obsessed with Rose Gold

81. People being obsessed with Ombre

82. People being obsessed with Virtual Reality Headsets

83. People being obsessed with TV shows about Pawn Shops

 84. Or Pickin’

85. Or teenage moms

86. Or finding buried treasure in Canada 

87. TV Shows that just won’t end.   (I’m talking to you The Walking Dead.)

88. And The Bachelor

89. And The Big Bang Theory

90. Home renovation shows can stay.  I will always like those.

 91. Arguing if a hot dog is a sandwich

92. Arguments about birth certificates

93. Arguments about the electoral college even though it is an important discussion that needs to take place

94. Arguments about emails

95. Shows that you can’t binge (You mean I have to wait until January for This is Us and The Good Place?)

96. Blaming everything on Millennials

97. Millennials blaming everything on their parents 

98. Parents blaming participation trophies

99.  Predictions about how Generation Snowflake will handle all this

100. In conclusion, Bottle Flipping

Article written by Megan Suttles

I can't decide if I want to use this space to be witty or insightful. I guess it will be neither.