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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

What This Post Says May Save Your Life

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Hello, friends. You look great. Will you go to the prom with me? Check Yes or No.

__ Yes  __ No

Friends, I don’t need to tell you that we are now, in the middle of May, officially well into the no man’s land of meaningful sports information which will curse us for the next month and a half or so. If you think this isn’t true, you are a crazy person. Yesterday the two most interesting stories that came out of the Big Blue Nation were that Calipari said it would be fun to coach Lebron James and someone made a super-weird Cal’s-face-cake. You just lost your argument, sucka. As we are in the doldrums we, as many other websites do, must find new and creative ways to get you, the reader, to return for more until things pick back up again. I recently attended a very high-caliber internet conference in Switzerland to learn how to do exactly this, and I am pleased to tell you I learned a lot about what’s known in the internet industry as “clickbait.” This clickbait is designed specifically to intrigue you into reading the story to which it links. By telling you all of this, I realize I’m only hurting my own case — but we have become great friends over the years, and I can’t lead you along. That said, today I’d like to present to you a series of teaser headlines I’ll be working on over the next three months with which to trick you. I hope that when you see these headlines, you’ll forget everything I just said and click on them, so I will know the $17,000 I spent of KSR’s money to fly first class to a Swiss Internet conference wasn’t in vain. I’m sure you’ll let me know what you think in the comment section. Oh, I’m sure. Have a great weekend, friends, and I’ll see you next week.

————–

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Article written by C.M. Tomlin

All I want is a HI-C and a turkey sandwich. @CM_Tomlin

20 Comments for What This Post Says May Save Your Life



  1. Mad Clicker
    1:12 pm May 15, 2014 Permalink

    Are those supposed to be links?



  2. CatsFanFrankfort
    1:13 pm May 15, 2014 Permalink

    ‘Seven Things Bruce Pearl Could Stop Doing That Would Save the Polar Bears’

    Hahahaha, brilliant.

    I would absolutely click on that one.



  3. ukfaninohio
    1:14 pm May 15, 2014 Permalink

    Somewhere there is a Uk fan mad about this post because he comes here for UK news Dad Burn It!



  4. mbolin9
    1:14 pm May 15, 2014 Permalink

    I was about about half-way done reading the article when I realized what you had done. I’ve been clickbaited.



  5. Bradleycorn
    1:18 pm May 15, 2014 Permalink

    Pure Gold.



  6. Bballjoker
    1:21 pm May 15, 2014 Permalink

    I wish that there was a way to “like” posts to give some feedback other than in the insane comments section. I like this post. I know there is no usefulness to such an option, but I’ll say it anyways.



  7. realme
    1:30 pm May 15, 2014 Permalink

    Count me in for the fingers and thumbs article. Sounds riveting.



  8. rahrah
    1:49 pm May 15, 2014 Permalink

    Haha, I would actually click on several of those!

  9. Tomlin, you forgot to throw in a “These photos of……will SHOCK you”, and of course the ever popular “This weird trick will help you…”.



  10. Boo
    1:52 pm May 15, 2014 Permalink

    This is when you know sports writers have nothing to talk about. I think ksr is getting more into the ore ridiculous” side than actually uk sports. Go back are read half the post from the past month. 75 percent of it has no uk info. Why is it not called “Kentucky basketball and alumni radio”?



  11. Axe Cop
    2:24 pm May 15, 2014 Permalink

    Hysterical.

    No simple diet tricks?



  12. Hope
    2:25 pm May 15, 2014 Permalink

    A Prophecy Against Egypt and Cush

    20 In the year that the supreme commander, sent by Sargon king of Assyria, came to Ashdod and attacked and captured it– 2 at that time the Lord spoke through Isaiah son of Amoz. He said to him, “Take off the sackcloth from your body and the sandals from your feet.” And he did so, going around stripped and barefoot.

    3 Then the Lord said, “Just as my servant Isaiah has gone stripped and barefoot for three years, as a sign and portent against Egypt and Cush,[a] 4 so the king of Assyria will lead away stripped and barefoot the Egyptian captives and Cushite exiles, young and old, with buttocks bared–to Egypt’s shame. 5 Those who trusted in Cush and boasted in Egypt will be dismayed and put to shame. 6 In that day the people who live on this coast will say, ‘See what has happened to those we relied on, those we fled to for help and deliverance from the king of Assyria! How then can we escape?’”



    • schwing
      2:36 pm May 15, 2014 Permalink

      isn’t it hilarious? people actually believe this garbage and use it as a means to feel superior to people who don’t believe it and then discriminate against them.



  13. Hope
    2:26 pm May 15, 2014 Permalink

    Then I saw another mighty angel coming down from heaven. He was robed in a cloud, with a rainbow above his head; his face was like the sun, and his legs were like fiery pillars. 2 He was holding a little scroll, which lay open in his hand. He planted his right foot on the sea and his left foot on the land, 3 and he gave a loud shout like the roar of a lion. When he shouted, the voices of the seven thunders spoke. 4 And when the seven thunders spoke, I was about to write; but I heard a voice from heaven say, “Seal up what the seven thunders have said and do not write it down.”

    5 Then the angel I had seen standing on the sea and on the land raised his right hand to heaven. 6 And he swore by him who lives for ever and ever, who created the heavens and all that is in them, the earth and all that is in it, and the sea and all that is in it, and said, “There will be no more delay! 7 But in the days when the seventh angel is about to sound his trumpet, the mystery of God will be accomplished, just as he announced to his servants the prophets.”

    8 Then the voice that I had heard from heaven spoke to me once more: “Go, take the scroll that lies open in the hand of the angel who is standing on the sea and on the land.”

    9 So I went to the angel and asked him to give me the little scroll. He said to me, “Take it and eat it. It will turn your stomach sour, but ‘in your mouth it will be as sweet as honey.’[a]” 10 I took the little scroll from the angel’s hand and ate it. It tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth, but when I had eaten it, my stomach turned sour. 11 Then I was told, “You must prophesy again about many peoples, nations, languages and kings.”



  14. Hope
    2:27 pm May 15, 2014 Permalink

    And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.