Hello, friends. I hope you’re well. What’s up? How’s that thing going? Kinda slow these days, isn’t it, in this Card-Championship America? Hopefully soon our long national nightmare will be over. Until then, let’s see what news we can scrap together, eh? Stoops, am I right? And has Wiggins announced yet? No? Alright, well, I guess that’s about it. Onward and upward.
Friends, as the sun grows brighter and warmer and the colder temps fade away, we are most assuredly on the fast track to summer. May will assumedly bring heat and happiness and many of us will begin to make plans for the summer. I’m not sure what your plans are, but I’ve reached out to some of KSR’s friends to see what they have on tap for the hotter months, and today I thought we’d take a look at a few of those in a piece we’ll call Summer Plans. Might even give you and yours some ideas, eh? Until next week, brothers and sisters, and have a great weekend.
John Calipari, Basketball Coach, University of Kentucky
“I’m going to relax a bit before the season starts back up, get things in order. In my spare time, I’m also going to hit the road to recruit some for my church softball team. Then I’m going to try to line up some of the best movers I can to help my friend Steve move into his new house. I’ll probably also meet with some strong readers from North Carolina and Indiana to gauge their interest in joining Ellen’s book club and there’s a top-rateed guy in New York that I think would be really great for the fantasy football league I’m in with some friends. Probably gonna be a busy summer.”
Andrew and Aaron Harrison, 2013 Kentucky Basketball Recruits
“We’re going to spend the first half of the summer living in a posh hotel in Boston with a wacky group of supporting characters like a befuddled hotel manager, a kooky maintenance man and a ditzy heiress. Then, during the second half of the summer, we’re going to live on a cruise ship with, inexplicably enough, many of those same people. Then it’s off to UK. It’s going to be sweet.”
Adam Scott, Winner, the Masters Tournament 2013
“I don’t have too many major plans yet for the summer. I’ll probably go on walkabout with my iPod and some Men at Work, then I might ride a kangaroo down to the store with my friend Yahoo Serious for some vegemite and button my hat up on one side. I’m Australian.”
Tom Crean, Basketball Coach, Indiana University
“I have a busy summer, to be honest. In late May I’m going to hit the road and tour Indiana with a championship trophy I made out of toilet paper tubes, construction paper and glue. Then I’m going to accept the NCAA Coach of the Year award that I made for myself on a piece of notebook paper with some magic markers and give a huge press conference about this season’s victories to a group of my daughter’s stuffed animals. These are just the responsibilities one has when a season like this is over, but it’s tough in a good way, you know? I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”
Joker Phillips, Wide Receivers Coach, University of Florida
“Going to be a great summer. First I’m going to meet with the players and lay out how DA JOKER is going to do things, with all of my assistants cleverly dressed as clowns. Then I’m going to tweet some photoshopped pictures of me beating up Batman. After that, probably in July, I’m going to dose everyone in Gainesville with some Smilex, vandalize an art museum and kidnap Bruce Wayne’s girlfriend. I guess At this point I guess I’m really committed to seeing this Joker schtick through. I hope I don’t go to prison or anything.”
Bruce Pearl, former NCAA Basketball Coach
“I really hope someone will call and ask me to come on TV. But if they don’t, that’s cool. There’s lots of shelves that need to be stocked at this Linens & Things. So it’s all good. I’ll stay busy.”