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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Summer Vacation’s Almost Here!

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Hello, friends. I hope you’re well. What’s up? How’s that thing going? Kinda slow these days, isn’t it, in this Card-Championship America? Hopefully soon our long national nightmare will be over. Until then, let’s see what news we can scrap together, eh? Stoops, am I right? And has Wiggins announced yet? No? Alright, well, I guess that’s about it. Onward and upward.

Friends, as the sun grows brighter and warmer and the colder temps fade away, we are most assuredly on the fast track to summer. May will assumedly bring heat and happiness and many of us will begin to make plans for the summer. I’m not sure what your plans are, but I’ve reached out to some of KSR’s friends to see what they have on tap for the hotter months, and today I thought we’d take a look at a few of those in a piece we’ll call Summer Plans. Might even give you and yours some ideas, eh? Until next week, brothers and sisters, and have a great weekend.

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John Calipari, Basketball Coach, University of Kentucky

“I’m going to relax a bit before the season starts back up, get things in order. In my spare time, I’m also going to hit the road to recruit some for my church softball team. Then I’m going to try to line up some of the best movers I can to help my friend Steve move into his new house. I’ll probably also meet with some strong readers from North Carolina and Indiana to gauge their interest in joining Ellen’s book club and there’s a top-rateed guy in New York that I think would be really great for the fantasy football league I’m in with some friends. Probably gonna be a busy summer.”

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Andrew and Aaron Harrison, 2013 Kentucky Basketball Recruits

“We’re going to spend the first half of the summer living in a posh hotel in Boston with a  wacky group of supporting characters like a befuddled hotel manager, a kooky maintenance man and a ditzy heiress. Then, during the second half of the summer, we’re going to live on a cruise ship with, inexplicably enough, many of those same people. Then it’s off to UK. It’s going to be sweet.”

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Adam Scott, Winner, the Masters Tournament 2013

“I don’t have too many major plans yet for the summer. I’ll probably go on walkabout with my iPod and some Men at Work, then I might ride a kangaroo down to the store with my friend Yahoo Serious for some vegemite and button my hat up on one side. I’m Australian.”

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Tom Crean, Basketball Coach, Indiana University

“I have a busy summer, to be honest. In late May I’m going to hit the road and tour Indiana with a championship trophy I made out of toilet paper tubes, construction paper and glue. Then I’m going to accept the NCAA Coach of the Year award that I made for myself on a piece of notebook paper with some magic markers and give a huge press conference about this season’s victories to a group of my daughter’s stuffed animals. These are just the responsibilities one has when a season like this is over, but it’s tough in a good way, you know? I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

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Joker Phillips, Wide Receivers Coach, University of Florida

“Going to be a great summer. First I’m going to meet with the players and lay out how DA JOKER is going to do things, with all of my assistants cleverly dressed as clowns. Then I’m going to tweet some photoshopped pictures of me beating up Batman. After that, probably in July, I’m going to dose everyone in Gainesville with some Smilex, vandalize an art museum and kidnap Bruce Wayne’s girlfriend. I guess At this point I guess I’m really committed to seeing this Joker schtick through. I hope I don’t go to prison or anything.”

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Bruce Pearl, former NCAA Basketball Coach

“I really hope someone will call and ask me to come on TV. But if they don’t, that’s cool. There’s lots of shelves that need to be stocked at this Linens & Things. So it’s all good. I’ll stay busy.”

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

All I want is a HI-C and a turkey sandwich. @CM_Tomlin

16 Comments for Summer Vacation’s Almost Here!



  1. Musehobo
    3:28 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    “Then I’m going to accept the NCAA Coach of the Year award that I made for myself on a piece of notebook paper with some magic markers and give a huge press conference about this season’s victories to a group of my daughter’s stuffed animals.”

    Gold.



  2. theWilkman
    3:30 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    “I guess At this point I guess I’m really committed to seeing this Joker schtick through. I hope I don’t go to prison or anything.”



  3. James
    3:32 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    The Joker one was really funny. The rest of them…meh



  4. Trey1
    3:34 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    Great work Tomlin! I may be one of the few who get the Harrison twins quote



  5. Cold Weather
    3:38 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    Not so fast Mr. Tomlin!!! I’m around to stay can’t you see. The temps are dropping…. hehehehehe



  6. Cold Weather
    3:39 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    Tom Crean one was funny on the real



  7. Bombastic Bushkin
    3:49 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    Excellent



  8. TN Cat
    3:50 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    Sad that I’m 36 and get the Harrison twins quote. The things you watch on tv to spend time with your daughter.



  9. bluetooth
    4:14 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    rick pitino : I plan on doing some prison visitation with a roll of salami and a deranged midget



  10. CarolinaCatFan
    4:23 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    TN Cat – Amen! I think that section will fly right over the heads of a lot of people on here. Of course some of them might have watched it growing up. Man I’m getting old!



  11. Richie Farmer
    4:58 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    Gonna go to walgreens and get some lube and a new razor for my prison stay..Try to limit time outside my cell on hot days.. Write home when it hurts and send Tom Cream all my love because i would love to be his right hand.. SUCK IT BBN for wanting to take my jersey down from the rafters you all still love me 🙂



  12. Hugh Jashole
    5:24 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    Looks like old Joker is stuck in the 80’s.



  13. Strings
    5:24 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    Tom has been thinking of the Stuffed Animals alot a Whole Lot.



  14. Sir Brandon
    5:33 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    Good stuff, as always. The twins liveth the suite life.



  15. KG
    7:44 pm April 19, 2013 Permalink

    I would have guessed that Bruce Pearl would spend most of his summer cooking steaks on the grill…….oh!!! that’s right!! Bruce don’t coach no more…..never mind



  16. Otis
    8:55 am April 20, 2013 Permalink

    “We are doing another tour to show off our NIT invite to all them toothless inbreds”

    Coach Cal