Friends, happy Friday. Ready for the weekend? I know you said yes. Out loud. Because you respond audibly to words and questions you read, and I love you for it.
Friends, summer is here and with it, long halcyon days of playing outdoors and enjoying the lazy afternoons. Looking to fill those many sunny days with crafts you’ll remember until at least October? I’d rather light a candle than curse your darkness, and that’s why today I submit to you a piece we’ll call Summer Crafts, to help you create memories that’ll last a lifetime and squeeze every moment out of your summer. Enjoy, everyone, if you’re so inclined — and I’ll see you here again next week. Have a great weekend.
Present the First Rounds of Concept Art for your Child’s Renovated Treehouse for City Approval
Early May is the best time to begin planning the drastic re-invention of your child’s treehouse, so begin drafting your proposal to the city for the funding for this treehouse renovation, call for bids from architecture firms and put together focus groups to begin determining the pros and cons of a simple renovation versus a complete redesign. Remember, blueprints will be due for review by mid-June, so get drafting right away and perhaps ground can be broken by the Fourth of July with a wide-netting search for corporate sponsors beginning by early August. Barring any bureaucratic red-tape, your children could be enjoying their new playhouse by mid-September.
Get Granddad Some Ink!
As we saw after the Louisville Cardinals’ recent Championship run, it’s awfully cute when old men get tattoos. So when your little ones go crazy with some magic markers on Pee-Paw’s upper back, everyone’s in for a good time. Gramps’ “SKYLANDERZ ROOL” or unicorn tat will be the envy of everyone at the Elks’ Lodge. Make sure to show it off, because as we’ve learned in the last two months, the one thing everyone really wants to see is the nude shoulder of a sixty year-old. World’s Greatest Grandpa? Show it on his forearm this summer.
Refresh Your Family with Billy Gillispie’s Orange “Sun Pops!”
Cool off in the hot summer sun with these timeless treats submitted by former UK Head Coach Billy Gillispie. All you’ll need is:
-An ice tray
-Orange Juice, one carton (no pulp)
-Fifth of Beefeater Gin
Pour the orange juice into the ice tray until full. Cover with clear wrap, then poke toothpicks through the wrap into ice tray. Place in refrigerator to freeze. Consume gin; cry. Sun Pops are the perfect solution for hot summer days!
Express Your Feelings Through Chalk Art
If there’s two things Kentucky sports fans love, it’s the artful colorfulness of chalk drawing and an intense and sometimes over-the-top resentment toward young high schoolers who choose not to pursue a college career at Kentucky. Why not combine both by sending your favorite messages to lost recruits along the sidewalk in front of your home? Maybe Andrew Wiggins will see your rudimentary picture of Dakari Johnson dunking on him, and imagine how he’s going to feel when Aaron Gordon drives past your house and sees an Arizona logo with stink lines rising from it. Not an artist? No problem! You can always write “GOOD LUCK LOOSING AT UCLA SHABAZ WE DINT WANT U NEWAY” in puffy, multicolored letters! That’ll show him…and make you feel better!
Find a Pen Pal
There’s nothing more fun than making friends in other cities and states. It’s a great way to learn about others’ customs and traditions, build a rapport with new buddy and see where that friendship goes. Who knows? Perhaps it will help fill open spots in your schedule left by mean friends who messed everything up for you and made you so mad. Maybe your new friend will be nice. Good luck with that, Tom.