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Questions You May Have About the 2013-14 Recruiting Class


Hello, friends. Seems like this time last week we were all smiles and hopes and dreams, ready to take the bull by the horns and really — as esteemed comedian Larry the Cable Guy might posit — “get her done.” The world was ours. We had nothing to lose. Nowhere to go but up,

Oh, but some things don’t turn out like we thought they might, do they? What we thought one week ago today might be an inspirational climb back up the ladder quickly turned into a nightmarish hellscape of awfulness, beginning Friday evening and ending Tuesday evening. I daresay the Big Blue Nation hasn’t had a more horrific five days since Junior Braddy went through his “Kwamè hair” phase in 1989. But then, on Wednesday, it all turned around with the announcement by Julius Randle that he’d help to round out what critics are calling one of the greatest recruiting classes of all time. What is it they say — if you love something, set it free and if it comes back to you it’s yours? Well we did, and it did. But in all the exciteable hubbub you may be wondering just this means for Kentucky Basketball’s — and your — future. So let’s take a look at some Questions You May Have About the 2013 Recruiting Class today, shall we? And I’ll see you again next week, friends. Have a great weekend watching that stupid tournament that nobody cares about anyway.


Who is in the incoming 2013-14 class?

Really? Seriously? Okay, here they are again: Aaron and Andrew Harrison of Houston, Dakari Johnson of NYC, Marcus Lee from California, Julius Randle from Plano, Texas, Derek Willis from here in Kentucky and James Young from Michigan.

What do others think of this recruiting class?

ESPN says it could be “the best recruiting class of all time,” while Jeff Borzello says it could end up being the “number one recruiting class — perhaps ever.” So, in case you were wondering, it’s not just us excited about this thing.

Can next year’s recruiting class help us forget the foibles of the 2012-13 season?

All signs point to yes. While Cal himself has derided the 2012-13 team for having a lack of “battle,” Twitter comments and excitement from incoming recruits seem to signify a momentum for 2013-14 that may help cleanse the NIT taste from our collective mouths.

My son was born eleven months ago and I really want him to see a University of Kentucky NCAA Championship victory. Will this happen?

While there are no guarantees, this incoming team should definitely come in very talented in terms of being prepared to play against collegiate opponents. I’m sorry your son  wasn’t born 13 months ago, but perhaps he will enjoy a championship during his formative infant years in 2014.

It’s supposed to snow this weekend and be very cold. Can the 2013-14 class do anything about this?

I’m sorry, no. It’s just too soon for this recruiting class to be able to assist yet. However, by all accounts it would certainly seem likely that the 2013-14 season will be bright and warm every day from October 12 until April 7.

I seem to have lost my wallet. Can the 2013-14 recruiting class tell me where it is?

Marcus Lee says your wallet is where you left it last night when you went into the spare bedroom to see if you could find those shoes you like to wear: on the bedside table closest to the wall.

I’m going to need a ride to the airport when I go to visit my sister this summer.

James Young and Dakari Johnson will be happy to pick you up and take you to the airport. Do you need a ride home when you get back? Make sure you leave them your flight number so they can track it and know when you’ve returned.

Does the 2013-14 recruiting class have any ideas on turning my dated kitchen from drab to fab?

A bold pattern on a light color can really help open things up, and replacing solid wood cabinet doors with glass ones can really help utilize the kitchen space to give off an impression of a larger area. Derek Willis and Aaron Harrison can stop by this weekend, if you’d like, to give you a hand. Seriously, it’s no problem.

I don’t feel like my wife loves me the way she used to. Will the 2013-14 recruiting class change that?

Yes. Your wife will begin to once again see you as the engaging and charismatic man you were when you began dating once the 2013-14 recruiting class begins its tenure at the University of Kentucky, and you will experience a renewal in your love like never before.

Help! There’s a cloud blocking the sun.

Which one? That one there? Sure, Andrew Harrison can fly up into the sky and use his super breath to blow that cloud away from the sun for you. Enjoy your afternoon!

Why have all the roads and buildings turned into candy? This is kind of bizarre.

That’s a necessary side effect of the 2013-14 recruiting class. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.

Whoa, these rainbows are slippery!

Yes, but isn’t it all worth it? It’s only getting better from here.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

All I want is a HI-C and a turkey sandwich. @CM_Tomlin

22 Comments for Questions You May Have About the 2013-14 Recruiting Class

  1. ZombieLibrarian
    3:34 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    I love how weird you are, Tomlin. Stay gold, Pony Boy.

  2. Amberbock
    3:35 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    That was absolutely hilarious. Just saying.

  3. ciggy
    4:01 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    I love Tomlin posts, and look forward to each one.

  4. mark
    4:01 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    A Pony Boy Curtis reference, CLASSIC!!

  5. oldschool
    4:03 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    that post just wasn’t funny. have you no integrity? this just proves that the one and done Calipari experiment doesn’t work. freshmen can’t make clouds go away, but experienced juniors can turn rain into virga. i will admit that a quality power forward might be able to rekindle some lost love in a relationship, but no way in hades can these kids redo a kitchen. Come on. This is just silly.

  6. tom
    4:08 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink forgot one question in you excellent post…

    Oh, dear Lord above…I hope so.

  7. Syrin
    4:10 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    So do we have any “tough” and/or physical players that seemed to be lacking from this team after Nerlens went down? Any KKG’s or DeMarcus’ types in the class?

  8. oldschool
    4:11 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    I’m not going anywhere you ninny! When I was your age I had to walk 20 miles uphill both ways just to post a negative comment. Now you kids have it easy.

  9. Troy
    4:11 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    Any CONSISTENT outside shooters? I knew we would miss Doron Lamb and Darius a TON for their consistent threes.

  10. Basho
    4:20 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    “A flute with no holes is not a flute. A donut with no hole is a danish.”

  11. Larry the Cable Guy
    4:22 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    Not a bad effort, but any redneck worth his salt knows it’s “Git R Done”

  12. tom
    4:22 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    8. that is funny OS

  13. Cauts
    4:44 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    What the fug’s a foible

  14. Downtown
    5:11 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    How about a reality check?

    Question: Will the incoming Freshmen class learn from the mistakes made by this years Freshmen class in regards to playing as a team, dropping the egos by the side of the road, and working hard realizing that getting to The NBA is not as easy as this class thought it was?

  15. tom vetter
    5:39 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    Next years team will be know as the TERMINATOR TEN

  16. UK Freshmen
    7:33 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    Hahahahaha. Keep trying. This year was still miserable and an historical failure. No changing that.

  17. JT
    7:54 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    That moving-the-clouds stuff is bull. Andrew Harrison’s mom told my wife that her sun wasn’t coming to Kentucky.

  18. Blue Trudy
    8:12 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    Welcome back Tomlin!!

  19. Zak in Arizona
    9:59 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    That’s gold Jerry!

  20. El Guapo
    10:19 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    In hyperbolic prose, that’s exactly what BBN expects from these kids. No pressure, fellas, but you got TWO classes worth of expectations to fulfill.

  21. hammer
    10:25 pm March 22, 2013 Permalink

    If talent can once again overcome kool-aid Cal’s lack of bench coaching ability

  22. Bluekzu
    12:35 am March 23, 2013 Permalink

    Yeah, this was awesome. November can’t come soon enough.