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Perspectives: Big Blue Madness

 

Hello, friends. I hope you’re well. Did you get that thing I sent you on email? You didn’t? I could have sworn I wrote your email address down correctly. Is it still — let’s see — [email protected]? Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll send it to your work address instead.

Friends, as we all know, tonight is a monumental night — the night our beloved Cayts take the floor as a unified team for the first time. After tonight, gone will be the anticipation of seeing how these guys work together and how they look, because tonight’s Big Blue Madness features our new rookies and old favorites taking the stage to the adoration of the Big Blue Nation. It’s sure to be a smashing time indeed. Big Blue Madness is always special to everyone involved — from the coaches to the players to the fans — even though often the experience can differ depending upon which perspective from which you’re looking at the event. So today, just for fun, let’s take a look at how BBM will look from a few different perspectives tonight in a piece we’ll call Perspectives on Big Blue Madness, shall we? This is exactly how it will be. Don’t argue with me. I assure you this is precisely what the event will look like to you if you’re:

A Freshman Player: You’ll suit up in the blue and white, naturally a little nervous, and stand along the floor as you wait for your name to be announced. As you hear your name announced in Rupp for the first time, you’ll stride onto the court to the deafening roar of your new fans, a maelstrom of unconditional support for the upcoming season. Your teammates welcome you into the circle (have some signature dance or move ready!) and you officially begin your season as an illustrious Kentucky Wildcat.

A Returning Player: Coasting on the buzz from last April’s championship, you take the court with your new comrades to duplicate the magic of last year, seeing how these younger players handle the ball and growing increasingly excited about the prospects of a return to the tropy.

A Concession Stand Worker: You tell five people in a row you’re out of peanut M&Ms as the introductions begin. Then you think you hear the muffled announcement of Alex Poythress as you refill a nacho cheese dispenser and quietly resent the people standing in the line waiting for food.

A Fan (rafters): Sure, you were late in line to get your Madness tix, but that doesn’t matter. You spend the opening introductions secretly worried about how close the sparks seem to your seats, as you’re on eye-level with them, but you never indicate that. Then you spend the entire practice asking the person sitting next to you “Who was that?” because you can’t see that far. That person doesn’t know either.

A Fan (sixty-plus): Decked out in your best UK sweater, you arrive early to beat the crowd and sit quietly with your purse in your lap. This music is too loud, you think to yourself as you unwrap another stick of spearmint gum, and I don’t understand why this has to be so late. You wonder what you’re missing on Blue Bloods and hope your college-aged grandson isn’t making a fool of himself in the Erupption Zone like those other kids. What would their parents say?

A Fan (student): After facebooking a picture of yourself on Spotify you look through your Instagram account to see if someone has twittered where the next bubble-foam rave is going to be. You yell about how great the Black Keys are as practice begins and you drink your vodka and kool-aid you mixed in a concession stand cup in the bathroom and wonder how you’re going to score some drug cigarettes after the event. Then you cheer for the players as you’re apathetic about the government.

Drake: You tell Nicki Minaj to pipe down as you turn up Big Blue Madness on your 150-inch television, stare at your championship ring and toss a custom-made $1700 diamond-encrusted throwing star into a photo of Chris Brown while sipping a snifter of limited-edition Remy Martin infused with baby giraffe tears.

Billy Gillispie: You sit at home quietly wondering where everything went wrong. Then you fall asleep on the hardwood floor behind the couch before practice, your last thoughts being that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to drink a shot whenever someone said “Kentucky.”

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

All I want is a HI-C and a turkey sandwich. @CM_Tomlin

18 Comments for Perspectives: Big Blue Madness



  1. Dorm
    1:01 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    BBM in BBN, finally!!!



  2. Always save the best
    1:04 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    for last.

    The BCG listing is priceless.

    6 hours and counting!!



  3. Fret Not
    1:04 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    Matt is becoming more and more ignorant. Does he even watch games? He never knows who UK played or who is even on the team. Guess his memory is fuzzy from the whoppin beisner put on him. And it’s ok for him to talk about anything political, but he screams at callers if they even mention anyhing negative about democrats.



  4. Walter Sobchak
    1:06 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    That picture of Gillispie will never be anything but hilarious



  5. Rockfield, KY
    1:12 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    The student one had me rolling. They can’t get off their phones long enought to actually enjoy the moment most of the time. They’re too busy instagraming every single thing that happens so they can post it to facebook, not realizing no one cares. Then the line about the drug cigarette was hillarious.



  6. Sarah White
    1:19 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    Fan Over 60 is incorrect. I am the 65 year old, purse on floor, purse absorbing Coke someone has spilled and not soaked up, stepped on by youngsters passing me by – overweight with their rear or crotch in my face, knowing all the players because I am smart enough to look them up, and screaming my lungs out while making everyone around me laugh.

    Don’t be so judgmental, folks. We aren’t dead; and, with good luck and good health you will reach this age. Stupidity does not help you get here quicker.



  7. Rambo
    1:28 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    Middle aged fan who sat at the computer for 2 hours, trying to get tickets on pathetic ticketmaster, but ultimately failed! Go to the kitchen, get 12 beers, cheetoz puffs, sit in your lazy boy chair with your feet up, drink 1 beer with each players introduction while shouting to my homies, throw cheetoz at the TV with every fan shot and yell lucky bastards!



  8. Biglaw Dawgin'
    1:35 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    That Drake one is friggin hilarious!



  9. ROBBIE
    1:49 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    not a student but do love the black keys!!!



  10. Jeff Garlin
    1:54 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    Great post!



  11. ktmiln2
    2:18 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    You never know where you might score some drug cigarettes.



  12. Sir Brandon
    2:30 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    Tomlin bringeth it yet again. Well done, Sir!

    Baby giraffe tears – laugheth out loud!



  13. Phantom Phreak
    2:32 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    Because I prefer to watch on tv, I’ve only been to one midnight madness and one game at Rupp in my entire life, both the same year. That year, the game I went to we beat Tennessee Tech 115-77. For the prize, who can tell me what year that was? The winner gets an in-home visit, complete with a 6 course meal by world-class chef SexNnursingHomes.
    Oh, loved the post Tomlin. You have a twisted mind.



  14. CatGrad7072
    3:29 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    Good one Sara White (#6).
    Or, to put it another way, ‘The only difference between me, a dirty old man and you a young pervert is time. It’s your destiny’.



  15. MissUK
    3:38 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    I will be the girl with the sign that says “The road to #9 starts tonight” Look for me!!



  16. Axe Cop
    3:44 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    It is now one o’clock in the PM and you are reading “Perspectives”….



  17. Wild Blue
    4:38 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    Get those concession workers some decent clothing. Anything that is not red and black. Get that out of Rupp.



  18. thats budda
    8:42 pm October 12, 2012 Permalink

    Infused with baby giraffe tears. Now all the BMCM gonna be wanna dem some lil giraffe tears in they slurp. sheee…..it