Hello, friends. I hope you’re well. You’ve got something on your mouth. No, the other side. No, higher. Not that high. Over to the right. No, my right. There. You got it. Is that motor oil? You’re so weird.
Friends, as we all know by now, the only thing worth talking about these days is our beloved Cats’ chances in the upcoming NBA Draft, of which it’s expected that fan fave Nerlens Noel may be headed to the pros before all of his draft class colleagues. Good for him. The NBA Draft, of course, is a traditionally giant affair which begins with the NBA Draft Lottery, which determines the order by which the to-be-drafted players will be picked. It’s one of the more interesting sports lottery drafts, to be sure, but it’s not the only one. Today let’s look at our list of Other Famous Drafts & Lotteries. Because really, why not? You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Feel free to just sit around looking out the window some more waiting for October. It’s a free country. As always, gang, have a great weekend and I’ll see you here again next week.
The NBA Draft Lottery
What you should know: It’s like bingo for millionaires where you can win people.
This year: For the second time in three years, the Cleveland Cavaliers will have the number one pick in the NBA draft, and they’re expected to choose former UK Wildcat center Nerlens Noel. This brief respite from crippling depression, along with the opening of a new Quizno’s over by the bus station, is the only thing keeping citizens of Cleveland going until June.
The Canadian Football Draft
What you should know: You know how, in movies sometimes, studios can’t use the names of actual football teams because they’re copyrighted, and so they make up a bunch of silly names that sound like they could kinda be football teams? That’s what every team in the Canadian Football League sounds like.
This year: The first pick of the CFL draft was Linden Gaydosh by the Hamilton Tiger-Cats. Gaydosh, as you likely know, formerly played for the Calgary Dinos and less than a week after being the first pick in the CFL draft he signed with the Carolina Panthers. The illustrious second pick of the CFL draft was Andy Mulumba to the Winnipeg Blue Bombers even though Mulumba had already signed with the Green Bay Packers. The tenth pick in the CFL draft was by an Ottowa team that doesn’t even have a name yet. This is how hilarious Canadian football is.
Steven Gorsh’s Fantasy Baseball Draft Lottery
What you should know: Steven Gorsh founded his fantasy baseball league on Yahoo in 2010 and has been trying to discourage his brother-in-law Gary from being in it every year since because Gary never pays his dues.
This year: Gorsh’s Draft Lottery was held in his office workroom on March 22. He sent out an email asking if anyone would like to do it by conference call, but no one responded, so he just did it by himself. Everyone’s very excited about it now, but in a month and a half no one except Gorsh is going to care about this league at all, and he will constantly complain about it to his wife, who thinks he’s stupid.
The Altoona, Pennsylvania Holiday Bowl Summer Bowling League Draft Lottery
What you should know: Last year the Holiday Bowl co-ed league consisted of eight teams. League members in good standing continue to receive up to ten per cent off nachos and free refills for soft drinks ONLY.
This year: From the official league rules, please note that during the 2013 Summer Bowling League season teams must consist of four (4) players, with the minimum legal lineup consisting of two (2) eligible players of which two (2) must be from the team’s current roster. Also, whoever is urinating of the sink in the men’s restroom in the back corner next to the entrance to Shimmers Karaoke needs to stop; if you have any information on this issue please see Bill.
The Delaware Lottery
What you should know: One out of every six instant scratch-off game tickets is a winner! Try new “Jumbo Bucks” or “Icy Hot 7’s” today!
This year: Multi-win Lotto” numbers for May 22 were 07 12 15 16 17 29. The Mega Millions winning number was 02 15 17 48 55. Please play responsibly.
Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery”
What you should know: You do not want to win “The Lottery.”
This year: Bill Hutchinson drew the winning slip in the first round of the lottery, with his wife Tessie ultimately taking the grand prize, which she did not think was fair. Old Man Warner still thinks it is.