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Order up! It’s Need-to-Know Wednesday!

Tomlin here.

As many of our eyes are turned to the skies in anticipation and prayer for our next coach, my personal point of view this rainy morning is drastically different. You see, I’m typing this entry on a crudely manufactured laptop I smuggled into a bathroom stall directly outside the highly secretive Wendy’s Corporate Archives Room in Dublin, Ohio.

My reason for being in this very spot is explainable, I assure you. I’m here digging up research for my next book, The Effect of Rap-based Hallucinations on Cooking Method (Bantam Court Publishing, due out this fall), and my travels have led me here in search of what I feel will be a key support piece for my cause.

A burly, moustachioed security guard has warned me that the contents of the archive are confidential, and that any removal will result in my incarceration in Wendy’s jail. There is a reason why you have never heard of anyone who has ever served time in Wendy’s jail; I can promise you that.

But it’s Need-to-Know Wednesday. And I feel I have a duty to you, my friends, to deliver important skills you may not effectively be able to live your lives without. And it is thus that I transmit to you, for your own growing knowledge bases, the following instructional video used by the Wendy’s corporation sometime in the early eighties.

Wish me luck, everyone.

That is all.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin