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Need-to-Know Wednesday Revisits the SEC Mascots (Part One)!

Friends,

How are things? Anything new since last week? Ah, yes. It is hot. Yes, I can smell you. You really should change that outfit. Weren’t you wearing it last Wednesday? Hygiene is important.

Back in 2007, this very site ran a series of hard-hitting profile introduction to the prestigious SEC mascots. You may, also, be aware that that same piece won a great many awards for its amazing insight, research and writing, and has since been reprinted in some of the most avant-garde literary collections and reviews in the world.

As we are nearing another eve of UK Football, three years later, and the NTKW team decided it might be a good time to check back in with our favorite SEC characters in the glorious reprise A Field Guide to SEC Mascots (Western Division). Please enjoy.

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Louisiana State University

Mascot: Mike the Tiger

About the Mascot: LSU’s “Tiger” Mascot is a reference to Civil War general Robert E. Lee’s Army of Northern Virginia, who became known as “The Tigers” and whom, presumably, got lost in Louisiana and didn’t know how to get back to Northern Virginia. The name “Mike” is in reference to 60 Minutes correspondent Mike Wallace, who currently portrays the character in-suit at LSU sporting events.

Did You Know? Mike the Tiger has mauled and eaten a confirmed 36 handlers in his 104-year tenure at LSU, yet boosters and administration insist on forcing a football jersey on him.

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University of Alabama

Mascot: Big Al

About the Mascot: “Big Al” is the elephant mascot of the University of Alabama and dates back to 1930, a time when elephants roamed the countryside of Alabama before they were eradicated by poachers, leopards and dinosaurs.

Did You Know? Big Al briefly dated Kim Kardashian in 2005 and is currently engaged to Gilmore Girls star Alexis Bledel. He also uses his long trunk to cover himself with dirt in the summer…that’s what keeps him cool!!!

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University of Arkansas
Mascot(s): Big Red, Sue E., Pork Chop
About the Mascot(s): Arkansas is one of the only NCAA schools to feature an entire family as its set of mascots. It is widely believed that Big Red and Sue E. have long been trapped in a loveless marriage and only stay together for Pork Chop’s benefit. A great day for the school and its fans came in 1994, when — during an Arkansas/Ole Miss football game — Sue E. went into labor and gave birth on the sidelines.

Did You Know?
The Razorback family has been asked to leave four posh, gated Fayetteville neighborhood communities due to their lack of attention to the landscaping guidelines of those communities.

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Auburn University
Mascot: War Eagle VII
About the Mascot: “War Eagle” is not only the visage often associated with Auburn, but a battle cry for the team dating back to 1960, when a particularly unpopular promotion by the university employed several eagles, tethered by ropes, dropping hot dogs onto the crowd, prompting the screams of “War Eagles!” by fans and several personal injury lawsuits (settled out of court).

Did You Know? Currently Auburn is featuring War Eagle VII, who was elected with a white puff of smoke after the passing of War Eagle VI, who is long remembered for his conservative doctrines and his radical stances on moral theology.

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Mississippi State University
Mascot: Bully
About the Mascot: Mississippi State’s bulldog mascot “Bully” is actually the most lasting in a long line of failed Mississippi State mascots, which have included the Mississippi State Infected Deer Ticks (1954-1957) and the Mississippi State Nazi Sympathists (1931).

Did You Know? Bully has his Ph.D. in Deconstructivist Modern Architecture and has spoken on the subject at symposiums around the world as well as having published several papers on the subject.

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Ole Miss University
Mascot: Colonel Reb
About the Mascot: Ole Miss’ famous “Colonel Reb” is a widely controversial mascot — not because he symbolizes a retrospectively ostracized Civil War ideal, but because he vehemently campaigns for the cutting of government subsidization for the National Endowment for the Arts.

Did You Know? Colonel Reb began growing his moustache as a joke for a Halloween costume in 1861.

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So there you have it, friends — a look at our beloved Western Division mascots and some stuff for you to hate on this rainy Wednesday. Have a great seven days and I’ll see you again, next week.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin