Need-to-Know Wednesday is Generating Ideas for the “Dead Months”

Hello, friends. What’s wrong? Oh, I’m sorry. Dame Maggie Smith might be leaving Downton Abbey? That is terrible news. Her acid-tongued aristocrat was a great character, I know. You must be crushed.

Friends, I’m going to level with you. We all know that the next few months are going to be slow-going. Surely we’ll have a few bright spots, as when our beloved starting five inevitably face the NBA draft, or perhaps more excitement from the UK Baseball team, but let’s not kid ourselves; if you’re a long-time reader of this site you know full well that the months of (late) April, May and June are commonly hailed as “dead months” for college sports as we sit around waiting to ramp up to football season. So I’m not going to lie: things are bound to get abstract in this time slot. I say this so you’ll all be aware of what’s to come, in case you’re the type of person who routinely hates what’s written here on Wednesdays and Fridays at 1:00. As I start to pull together some ideas for this upcoming period, I thought I might share from my personal notebook some thoughts for upcoming columns in a piece we’ll call, aptly, the Brainstorming Checklist. I’m also open to suggestions. So feel free to print off this page, check mark the ideas and concepts you like, and mail them postage-due to the KSR Compound. We’ll tally the votes and see what shakes out in the next few months. And, as always, happy Wednesday everyone. Remember, I love you.

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___ Photo Gallery: Foods shaped like Marques Teague

___ Tubby Smith Writes a Letter to Rafferty’s Demanding Reinstatement of his Lifetime Gift Card

___ If SEC Coaches were Baroque Period Composers

___ FAQ: The Qdoba Mexican Grill on Euclid Avenue

___ Monologue: “Renardo Sidney, Upon Waking to a Kafka-esque Nightmare of Escapism, Alienation and Futility”

___ Tom Leach and Alan Cutler Discuss Favorite Episodes of Family Ties

___ By the Numbers: Helmet Guy’s Blood Alcohol Content

___ Erotic Fan Fiction about Jerry Tipton

___ Photoshop Feature: Charlie Strong’s Face Superimposed onto Vegetables

___ Prank-Calls to Alex Oriakhi

___ Replacing Words in Pitbull Song Titles with Names of Players from the 1985-86 Wildcat Roster

___ Hologram Rodney Dent on the Barnstorming Tour

___ Adam Chiles Biography

___ Ryan Lemond: Dinosaur Hunter

___ Not Dick Gabriel (?)

___ Dirty Limericks about “Blarges”

___ A pre-season preview of Alabama Football entirely in binary code

___ Fake French Person Writing about UK Rifle Team

___ Short Story: Robot Mitch Barnhart Orders a Milkshake

___ Random information I Googled Applied in a Non-Sequitir to UK Sports

___ Exclusive Q&A: Orlando Antigua’s Favorite Breakfast Foods

___ A comprehensive breakdown of the 1996 Final Four re-enacted by pre-1894 Presidents

___ All of the Above

___ None of the Above

___ Tomlin’s terrible. Matt, please get him off the site.

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Hooray for the dead period! I’ll try to keep things as easy and painless as possible. Promise. We’ll all get through this together. Somehow.