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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Need-to-Know Wednesday is blowing the lid off RECRUITING VISITS!

Friends,

There is little more mysterious and unknown than the elusive recruiting visit. Though some facts are known, many universities keep their recruiting ways and means secretive in an effort to maintain an advantage and entice young athletes to attend their schools.

Over the past week, I’ve been in touch with my network of secret contacts around the country in an effort to bring to you, the reader, a more comprehensive look at how recruiting visits work. This was not easy, I assure you. But I feel that the information provided below may give us all a glimpse into how the process works and how various schools use their specific locales and flavors to bring qualified, superior candidates to their respective athletic programs. Please enjoy, then, the following:

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SCHOOL: University of Kentucky
SPORT: Basketball
CLASSES ATTENDED: Psychology 101, Freshman Studies
AGENDA: Breakfast with UK President Lee Todd, short curriculum of classes, after-class workout with the team, sit-down with Head Coach Billy Gillispie.
SECRET WEAPONS/ ADDTL. NOTES: Keeneland, Tolly-Ho, freestyle rap battling with appropriate team members.

SCHOOL: University of Florida
SPORT: Basketball
CLASSES ATTENDED: Freshman English, World Cultures
AGENDA: Early morning workout with team, sorority lavoliering ceremony at Friendship Park Fountain, “Gator Encounter” interactive exhibit at the Jacksonville Alligator and Ostrich Farm and Zoo.
SECRET WEAPONS/ADDTL. NOTES: Strategically plant students who actively follow UF basketball, pretend to take phone call about dismantling football team, lots of orange juice.

SCHOOL: University of Southern California
SPORT: Football
CLASSES ATTENDED: Entertainment Management, Vegan Cuisine
AGENDA: Morning jog with Head Coach Pete Carroll, Hot Tub Party, Hollywood Premiere
SECRET WEAPONS/ADDTL. NOTES: Photo Op with Andy Dick, sex with an actress who played a waitress in one episode of Felicity, rollerblading.

SCHOOL: University of Nebraska
SPORT: Football
CLASSES ATTENDED: Pottery, Organic Farming
AGENDA: View intersquad scrimmage from sidelines, attend livestock judging, drive past construction for the new Old Navy, tornado chasing.
SECRET WEAPONS/ADDTL. NOTES: King-size bed at the new Red Roof Inn with continental breakfast, anything off the “Summer Sizzles!” menu at Lincoln Applebee’s.

SCHOOL: Boston College
SPORT: Cross-Country
CLASSES ATTENDED: Fitness Training, Nutrition
AGENDA: Run from host dorm to President’s office for official greeting, run from President’s office to student advisors’ office for scheduling information, run from Registrar’s office to Olive Garden (Interstate 93) for appetizers.
SECRET WEAPONS/ADDTL. NOTES: Complimentary registration in Boston’s Fun Run to Support Phantom Limb Syndrome (when applicable), “surprise” visit from actor portraying Benjamin Franklin.

SCHOOL: Baylor University
SPORT: Riflery
CLASSES ATTENDED: Texas History, Oil & Commerce
AGENDA: Drape recruit in Texas flag, supply reloads to team, hoop, holler, remember Alamo.
SECRET WEAPONS/ADDTL. NOTES: “Day Trip” to Arlington College of the Performing Arts to scare hippies, gaze at plains.

SCHOOL: University of Michigan
SPORT: Fencing
CLASSES ATTENDED: Early Renaissance, The Crusades
AGENDA: Pizza Party with team, private viewing of Pirates of the Caribbean in Library Media Room with coach, swordfighting.
SECRET WEAPONS/ADDTL. NOTES: Complimentary University of Michigan Fencing Mask (retail value $21.99) and University of Michigan rollerball ink pen ($1.59).

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So there you have it, folks. A little peek behind the curtains, as it were. And now let’s look at today’s video topic — the almighty meltdown.

That is all.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin