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Need-to-Know Wednesday: Canseco’s Shame and Learning to Poop!

Friends,
How goes it? Did you do that thing you said you were going to do, the last time we talked? I sure hope it went well for you, and that you were successful.

Today let’s talk about the perils of moonlighting. And we’ll start by being honest: many of us find our daily jobs unfulfilling. You may yearn for more excitement, a little extra income, or a more fulfilling role in life — and you may be surprised to know that many of us here at KSR also “moonlight” in different jobs. We all know, for instance, that Matt Jones is also a lawyer, but did you know that Fake Gimel tracks and brings bailskippers to justice? Or that Mosley was the silent partner in the writing of Paul Blart: Mall Cop? Or that that our own Bryan the Intern has a lucrative career by night as a burlesque fan dancer named “Rio?”

Moonlighting sometimes works out great (extra money, a varied schedule) and sometimes unsatisfactorily (hysterical blindness, diarrhea). Let’s say the latter might be the case for famed knucklehead Jose Canseco, who early Tuesday morning was nearly pummeled to death by a Japanese giant. BTI posted the link earlier, but it bears repeating here. As you’ll easily see, the washed-up Canseco clearly wasn’t prepared for his MMA debut.

If I were a colorful announcer or sports reporter showing this clip on a news program of some sort, I’d surely exclaim “No way, Jose!” upon this fight’s completion. But I’m not. Suffice to say, however, that Canseco should keep his day job, which I can only imagine consists of looking at himself in the mirror, talking about himself to anyone who will listen, and trying to figure out new ways to humiliate himself in front of an America which used to respect him.

But enough about that. Hey everyone, let’s get potty trained with a NTKW classic rewind. See you cats next week.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin