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Need-to-Know: KSR Media Day

Fun was had by all.

Fun was had by all.

Fun was had by all.

Friends,

Just a quick check-in with you today, as things have been really hectic here at Kentucky Sports Radio’s Annual Media Day Event, held this morning at Whispers’ Lounge in the lobby of the Bardstown Red Roof Inn. Thanks to all of you who made it out to meet us, it was great to meet so many of you. Also, we’re terribly sorry about that bad ham. We’re looking into who’s responsible for that. In the meantime, our sources have informed us that vitamin B12 Complex should help curb any further side effects.

For those of you who didn’t make it, Matt’s asked me to write a recap of the morning’s festivities, which follows:

– Matt Jones unveiled KSR’s new energy drink “Wednesday’s News & Juice,” which doctors have proven promote active endorphins for up to three minutes at a time. To avoid crashing heavily after using WN&J, another bottle can be consumed, not to exceed 144 per 24 hour period. Consult your doctor before using WN&J, and remember that WN&J does not safeguard against pregnancy. Please allow WN&J to thaw before drinking.

Evan Hilbert and Thomas Beisner announced their foray into popular music with their debut single “Bruce Pearl’s Sweating (And I’m Not Feeling So Great Myself),” featuring the keyboard stylings of former Wildcat Bobby Perry. Available soon on iTunes.

The Intern appeared via videoconference with his refreshing brand of prop comedy, including a hilarious “Dr. Pepper Helmet” for head coach Billy Gillispie and a “widow’s peak wig” for fans to wear at florida games that will surely be riotously funny for seasons to come. Other notable laffs focused upon a Donna Smith blowup doll to fill her empty seat at Rupp and a jersey outfitted with a tiny monitor so A.J. Stewart can watch network television programming during ballgames.

– Tech guru Hubby was on hand to introduce new technology to be added to the website in upcoming months, including “BlogSmell (TM),” which will tickle the senses with the very fragrances you often associate with Kentucky Sports Radio (strawberries and burnt hair); and a new feature called WORDJUDGE, which will allow readers to click and critique each and every word for comment. No more waiting till you’ve read the whole post to tell us it sucked! Because we realize you shouldn’t waste a single minute of your life reading this crap, we’ve made it easier!

Brian the Intern lifted the curtain on his growth from the internet into tangible goods, announcing that he will begin carrying a suitcase full of magazines with a corresponding list of articles, which will allow consumers to tap a selected magazine with their fingers and wait patiently as he opens the publication up to show them the article they’ve chosen. Charge will be $2.95 per pick “clicked.”

Chris Mosley promoted a new line of products themed after his own column, including a new line of disgestive lubricant Know your Enema, aquarium pets Know your Anenome, and a special KSR-touting winter parka called Know your Anorak.

All in all, a wonderful time was had at KSR Media Day. Thanks for coming out and supporting the cause, and we’ll see you again this time next year! Until next week, friends, enjoy the following strange hilarity, the training montage from Rocky III just as you always remembered it.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin