If I ruled the world, there would be a jail for coaches that got in hot water with the NCAA like Kelvin Sampson. Not because I think they should be locked up, but I’d love to hear the stories between the guys. Specifically, “what are you in for?”
So imagine Dave Bliss, Eddie Sutton and Todd Bozeman sitting around on the yard, shootin’ the breeze, comparing stories.
Bliss: “I’m tellin’ you, everything was cool until, well, you know. With all those police sniffing around here, it was kinda hard to pretend we weren’t into something. It’ll be a long time before I get outta here.”
Sutton: “Hey man, at least you didn’t almost bring down a major program. I still wish I knew who wrapped that package.”
Bozeman: “Two words–show cause. I win. Over a measley 30 large.”
And in strolls Kelvin Sampson for his first day.
Sutton: “What you in for?”
Sampson: “Talkin’ on the phone.”
Bozeman: “Say what?”
Sampson: “Calling too much. You know, a few hundred times too many.”
Bliss: “Let me get this straight. You in here for talkin’ too damn much? Are you f—g kidding me?”
Sampson: “And running a really slick three-way hustle.”
Bozeman: “Boy, I’m gonna tell you this story once and once only. Don’t tell nobody else what you just told us. You say you got in trouble for getting kids cars. Or you tell them you had people taking their exams for them. Hey, if you wanna be a pimp, tell ’em you host the best recruiting weekends. But you ain’t gettin’ no respect in here for talking on the g—-m phone. They’ll take your bologna sandwich every day.”
No doubt in my mind the folks at Indiana are thinking he same thing. Major violations for talking on the phone. That’s like getting six months as a penalty for racking up, oh, 300 jaywalking tickets in one summer. Are you f—–g kidding me?
Nope. That’s gotta suck.