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Let’s Learn About the Dominican Republic!

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Hello, friends. Look, I got your nose! Ha, ha! No, I didn’t really. No, you still have a nose. Look, this is my thumb. Sorry, it was just a joke. No, I didn’t realize that was a sensitive subject with you. I’ll certainly not do that again, and I apologize.

Friends, if you’re no stranger to this blog then you already realize that the world domination of the 2014-2015 Kentucky Wildcats has found its origin point at the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas, where these young ‘Cats are putting on quite the show for audiences across the nation. It’s all very, very exciting — but I don’t need to tell you that. Friends, the next on our list of targets is none other than the Dominican Republic, which led me to doing some research. Today, then, let’s pull some tourism shots for the country and learn about the Dominican Republic, shall we? We shall. See you next week, and go Cats.

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Welcome to the Dominican Republic! Our sun-kissed beaches and hot romantic nights will no doubt ensure a lovely visit for you and yours during your stay in our fair country. We are also not Puerto Rico, so if you have arrived here on accident please alert your travel advisor immediately so you can get where you need to go. Buses and boats run hourly.

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Go ahead, snap a selfie! After all, you’re in one of the most beautiful island nations in the world! Our official photographers will also be on hand to snap a commemorative photo of your selfie, which will be available in the gift shop for purchase. You don’t want to miss these beautiful memories!

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Rent a car and just cruise around! There’s nothing like exploring Dominica for yourself with your best friends. Take pictures of the beach, smile, laugh and enjoy life on “island time!”*
*Please watch the road at all times.

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Enjoy one of our leisurely cruises while staying in the Dominican Republic, where you may encounter sea turtles, dolphins or breathtaking coral reefs! All of these people have taken a break from sightseeing and are peeing in the water. Go ahead, it’s okay! No one will get upset with you!

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Please stay abreast of all rules and regulations set forth by the government while staying within the borders of the Dominican Republic. Notable offenses include “having worries!” and “not jammin'”! Just kidding. Murder, extortion and assault are actual offenses and punishable by extradition and will be treated with to the utmost extent of the law.

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Should you find yourself under arrest in the Dominican Republic (and we hope you won’t!), you will be enslaved in one of Dominica’s floating water prisons, of which there is no escape. Your home country will be notified and they will need to send a rescue team before you drown.

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Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get back to romance — Dominican style! Many on-location pieces and travel segments for ABC’s The Bachelorette have been filmed over the years, so fancy yourself a “bachelorette” of your own by taking a vacation from your job at accounts receivable, ditch those sweat pants and tell your family you’re going to “get your groove back” in the Dominican Republic! Don’t worry, we will not judge the sadness of your situation! We see it all the time! In fact, it accounts for nearly 1/3 of our economy!

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Or perhaps you want to treat your spouse to a week away in paradise…we’ve got you covered! Hang out at the pool bar and have a great time. Arturo, your bartender, will keep you refreshed with delicious rum-based beach drinks. Don’t worry that he hates you and wishes you’d stop talking about Restoration Hardware and Orange is the New Black. He just wants you to have a great time!

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Oh my! Looks like this lucky tourist made a new friend in one of the many seals who call Dominica home! You never know what you’ll find here in your exotic island travels!

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This is taking things too far. Please, during your time here, know the limits between human and wildlife. Sometimes a seal kiss is just a kiss and should not be interpreted as any kind of invitation for more.

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Ocean excursions are some of the most fun you’ll ever have in the water! Explore the Atlantic on one of our many recreational “banana boats” with your family and friends and see the ocean like you’ve never seen it before!

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*The likelihood of this occurring is very slim, we assure you.

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Head down to the Dominican Republic today for a vacation like you’ve never experienced! We can’t wait to meet, greet and entertain you and know a Dominican getaway will be just what you need. See you soon!

(Official photographs of selfies are available in gift shop.)

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

All I want is a HI-C and a turkey sandwich. @CM_Tomlin

12 Comments for Let’s Learn About the Dominican Republic!



  1. InaBadMood
    7:06 pm August 14, 2014 Permalink

    Are you all ever going to fix the website so it autofits on an iPhone or is my pinky going to have arthritis when I get older?



    • I wish they would
      10:33 pm August 14, 2014 Permalink

      I wish they would!



  2. rockatao
    8:19 pm August 14, 2014 Permalink

    Dominica and the Dominican Republic are two different places. Which do all these beautiful pictures represent?



    • Jesus Effin' Facepalm Christ
      8:23 pm August 14, 2014 Permalink

      Nerd.



    • ThatCrackerBZ
      9:03 am August 15, 2014 Permalink

      Was going to ask the same.. Dominica is a weeee bit further SSE.



  3. TomG
    10:21 pm August 14, 2014 Permalink

    I’m not sure where the pictures were taken, but:
    1. I’d like to be there.
    2. That’s a sea lion, not a seal.



  4. pfife
    10:33 pm August 14, 2014 Permalink

    You need to listen to the sports shows from the capital Santo Domingo. There’s always a charming caller named Juan Short who always says that the hosts are great Dominican Republicanos.



    • Google Translate
      12:05 am August 15, 2014 Permalink

      Grandes de estadounidenses viven en todas partes del mundo. Broadcasting 24-7 on your favorite iHeart radio station.



  5. Brian
    5:27 am August 15, 2014 Permalink

    I PHONE’S SUCK



  6. Geography
    7:54 am August 15, 2014 Permalink

    Look at a map. Dominica is a completely different country than DR. Other than that a decent attempt, not your best.



    • ThatCrackerBZ
      9:04 am August 15, 2014 Permalink

      LOL



    • ThatCrackerBZ
      9:06 am August 15, 2014 Permalink

      The irony of the title, “Let’s learn about the Dominican Republic.”