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Let’s Be Nice!: Louisiana State University

Friends, too often around here we’re accused of simply tearing down — but as many of you who know us can attest, we here at KSR are actually very nice people. We enjoy nothing more than building people up and helping them to achieve their dreams. We’re nurturers, if nothing else. And with the Wildcats heading into Baton Rouge this weekend to defend their number one status against the mighty LSU Tigers, we thought we’d “pay it forward” today with a glowing tribute to all the things that are great about Louisiana State University and its surrounding environs. See? We can be positive about our adversaries. So Let’s Be Nice to LSU today, and as always, have a happy Friday.


-LSU grows and shops locally. While other teams seem to have a quote of players from African or Eastern European countries, LSU’s men’s basketball team this year is proudly American. Ten of LSU’s rostered thirteen players are from Louisiana, Mississippi or Alabama, and the other three are from Kentucky, Texas and Utah — all equally America-loving states. No outsourcing in Baton Rouge, and no bothersome searches for goofy Ukrainian dishes to keep a center who doesn’t ever play happy and content on some weird holiday nobody in the United States cares about. U-S-A! U-S-A!

-LSU basketball is helpful to other teams. Trent Johnson’s Tigers only won a combined five conference games in 2009-10 and 2010-11, mostly because the school recognizes that it’s not polite to be great at everything. And by offering up wins to other teams, LSU’s SEC brethren can garner better records that can result in stronger showings for the season, which in turn can lead to an NCAA Tourney bids for those teams, which makes the SEC look better-represented. Thumbs up, LSU!

-We don’t really hate LSU all that much. Let’s be honest, there are SEC foes and there are SEC foes. Tennessee, Vandy, Florida – those, of course, are who we tend to worry about most. Outside of the Dale Brown era, and it was really more about hating Dale Brown than hating LSU as an entity, we tend to peacefully co-exist with LSU. We even collectively kind of liked Glen Davis, partly because his nickname was “Big Baby,” which I think we can all agree is a very funny nickname. If Glen Davis’ nickname had been “The Executioner” or “The Destroyer” we might have hated him. And even then, not as much as we ever hated someone like, say, Ron Slay.

-Louisiana is home to the a.) most species of venomous snakes in the United States, including copperheads, cottonmouths, rattlesnakes and coral snakes, and b.) the highest population of alligators in the United States. Thanks for keeping those things down there for us, Louisiana! They’re scary!

-Louisiana is known as the “Cajun Music Capital of the World.” Thanks for keeping that down there for us, Louisiana! It’s terrible!

-LSU beat UC Irvine 69-59 on December 15, thus ending the long-running reign of terror by UC Irvine which held us all in its grasp.

-Louisianans are friendly! And it’s a statistically proven fact: in 2011, Louisiana had the highest reported rate of gonorrhea in the United States, with 264 people out of 100,000 harboring the disease. In 2010, it ranked highest in new cases of syphillis — an accolade which only serves as a testament the hospitality of the denizens of the Pelican State! Spread that love!

-Once a year, for a week, women will show their breasts in exchange for beads which are basically the equivalent of the prizes you might win if you don’t hit anything in the softball toss at your local Halloween carnival. Louisiana also has drive-through daiquiri joints. And here you were wondering how the gonnorhea and syphilis rates got to be so high.

-LSU gave us Shaq. And who doesn’t like Shaq? Seriously.

-Shaq gave us Kazaam. And who doesn’t like…oh, wait.

-LSU’s football team consistently keeps the SEC looking pretty fantastic. When UK football isn’t doing that, I mean.

We love you, LSU! Kudos! You’re the best! Keep up the good work! You do you! And by all means, you keep doing that thing you do. Which is lose to us. BFFs? LYLAS!

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

25 Comments for Let’s Be Nice!: Louisiana State University

  1. Mr Schwump
    1:04 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    Will UK play down to their competition again this game?

  2. Steve Jobs
    1:11 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    LSU destroyed those Anteaters of UC-Irvine!

  3. GrumpyOldDude
    1:12 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    Ricky Blanton was a freaking Special Ed student…..still have the image of him flailing his arms in my head.

  4. GrumpyOldDude
    1:13 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    So, no…..I DO hate LSU….

  5. MarketingAnalyst
    1:21 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    Sorry LSU… Louisville took the Syphillis crown from you in 2011! Go Rick! Louisville First!

  6. UK22
    1:27 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    Syphillis really? WTF are you talking about? Thanks for the great read! lame…..

  7. Kwildcat
    1:36 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    this should be in the Jerry Not Tipton article………if we lose you are fired!!!

  8. Hal
    1:39 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    1- 1st in OppFG%, 1st in BL, 8th in REB, 2nd in scoring margin, 16th in FG%, 17th in PPG, 17th in OppPPG. 20-1
    end. yourself.

  9. Blue Bayou
    1:42 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    Hilarious. I’m an LSU law student (UK undergrad) and I’m going to show this to all of my classmates immediately, especially since most of them have no idea LSU has a basketball team.

    See you tomorrow on the Blue Bayou, #BBN.

  10. Tomlin Haters
    1:44 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    Posts are only funny to us if they mention Rick Pitino and something sexual; a 15 second reference has to be included for us to laugh. Or poop has to be mentioned in some way. Everything else is too highbrow for us to understand. Also, Nickelback is awesome and Chili’s has the best steaks around.

  11. wilDCat
    1:54 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    I actually found this post to be absolutely hilarious. Loved it.

  12. Troy Landry
    1:58 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    What? No “Swamp People” reference?

  13. Brad
    1:59 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    I liked it

  14. Megan
    2:16 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    I come from Ukraine. You not say Ukraine goofy.

  15. Onthetoilet
    2:19 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    Just when I thought I murdered and buried the memory of Ron Slay, you dig him back up… I hate you and now again, I hate Ron Slay… I’ll get you Slay. I. Will. Get. You.

  16. Bledsoe's Biceps
    2:27 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    13) EXACTLY. How the hell can Tomlin mention cajuns, gators & snakes and not mention Swamp People. I’m disappointed.

  17. roharmon
    2:32 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    Agree with everything except flashing during Mardi gras, that is one thing the local girls leave for out of towners… it when Cincinnati is in town.

  18. HandToFace
    2:40 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    Really, taking shots at other schools foreign players, all this coming from the group that tried to free enis, then pissed and moaned when he couldnt play??

  19. Craig Scratch Weaver
    2:45 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    I don’t like cole slaw. Never have never will…but I don’t go to KFC and tell them every chance I get how much I hate that side item. That being said, I’m not sure why those of you that don’t get or like Mr. Tomlin’s pieces feel the need to comment everytime. You know what you are getting so why not move along? I find them quite amusing, but clearly you don’t. So why not try to show some common decency and not be nasty. For Christ’s sake some of you have wished diseases upon him over a post on a blog. Please tell me you are better than that, because that is the mark of a pathetic individual.

    Good day and Go Cats!!!

  20. RogerHarden_23
    2:52 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    I was lucky enough to be at the football game when we beat LSU and their fans were chanting L-S-U! during the singing of “My Old Kentucky Home”. Disrespectfull. So no. Screw them.

  21. old_tool
    2:53 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    Tomlin’s humor goes over a lot of these commenter’s heads. Hilarious, witty and sarcastic. My people.

  22. LOL
    3:00 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    Another excellent Tomlin post! Wit is where it’s at!

  23. catfaninohio
    3:22 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    I can remember the good old days of hating Dale Brown, but now that I’ve grown up to be an adult I have come to admire the coach. He was a fierce competitor and someone easy to dislike as an opponent, but he seems to be a good guy and admit it or not, was a pretty damned good coach.

  24. Just Sayin
    3:22 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    You missed the most important reason to like Louisiana: It gave us Puuurrryyy Stevenson!!! His Twitter comments are hilarious.

  25. zyds ecobon
    3:25 pm January 27, 2012 Permalink

    Cajun music terrible? The only thing that can make geeky white boys dance more than downing a dozen beers is some good zydeco cajun music. If you don’t get your groove on when you hear a little cajun foot stomping music, then you just ain’t heard good zydeco! aaaaaaiiiieeeeeee!!!