Friends, too often around here we’re accused of simply tearing down — but as many of you who know us can attest, we here at KSR are actually very nice people. We enjoy nothing more than building people up and helping them to achieve their dreams. We’re nurturers, if nothing else. And with the Wildcats heading into Baton Rouge this weekend to defend their number one status against the mighty LSU Tigers, we thought we’d “pay it forward” today with a glowing tribute to all the things that are great about Louisiana State University and its surrounding environs. See? We can be positive about our adversaries. So Let’s Be Nice to LSU today, and as always, have a happy Friday.
-LSU grows and shops locally. While other teams seem to have a quote of players from African or Eastern European countries, LSU’s men’s basketball team this year is proudly American. Ten of LSU’s rostered thirteen players are from Louisiana, Mississippi or Alabama, and the other three are from Kentucky, Texas and Utah — all equally America-loving states. No outsourcing in Baton Rouge, and no bothersome searches for goofy Ukrainian dishes to keep a center who doesn’t ever play happy and content on some weird holiday nobody in the United States cares about. U-S-A! U-S-A!
-LSU basketball is helpful to other teams. Trent Johnson’s Tigers only won a combined five conference games in 2009-10 and 2010-11, mostly because the school recognizes that it’s not polite to be great at everything. And by offering up wins to other teams, LSU’s SEC brethren can garner better records that can result in stronger showings for the season, which in turn can lead to an NCAA Tourney bids for those teams, which makes the SEC look better-represented. Thumbs up, LSU!
-We don’t really hate LSU all that much. Let’s be honest, there are SEC foes and there are SEC foes. Tennessee, Vandy, Florida – those, of course, are who we tend to worry about most. Outside of the Dale Brown era, and it was really more about hating Dale Brown than hating LSU as an entity, we tend to peacefully co-exist with LSU. We even collectively kind of liked Glen Davis, partly because his nickname was “Big Baby,” which I think we can all agree is a very funny nickname. If Glen Davis’ nickname had been “The Executioner” or “The Destroyer” we might have hated him. And even then, not as much as we ever hated someone like, say, Ron Slay.
-Louisiana is home to the a.) most species of venomous snakes in the United States, including copperheads, cottonmouths, rattlesnakes and coral snakes, and b.) the highest population of alligators in the United States. Thanks for keeping those things down there for us, Louisiana! They’re scary!
-Louisiana is known as the “Cajun Music Capital of the World.” Thanks for keeping that down there for us, Louisiana! It’s terrible!
-LSU beat UC Irvine 69-59 on December 15, thus ending the long-running reign of terror by UC Irvine which held us all in its grasp.
-Louisianans are friendly! And it’s a statistically proven fact: in 2011, Louisiana had the highest reported rate of gonorrhea in the United States, with 264 people out of 100,000 harboring the disease. In 2010, it ranked highest in new cases of syphillis — an accolade which only serves as a testament the hospitality of the denizens of the Pelican State! Spread that love!
-Once a year, for a week, women will show their breasts in exchange for beads which are basically the equivalent of the prizes you might win if you don’t hit anything in the softball toss at your local Halloween carnival. Louisiana also has drive-through daiquiri joints. And here you were wondering how the gonnorhea and syphilis rates got to be so high.
-LSU gave us Shaq. And who doesn’t like Shaq? Seriously.
-Shaq gave us Kazaam. And who doesn’t like…oh, wait.
-LSU’s football team consistently keeps the SEC looking pretty fantastic. When UK football isn’t doing that, I mean.
We love you, LSU! Kudos! You’re the best! Keep up the good work! You do you! And by all means, you keep doing that thing you do. Which is lose to us. BFFs? LYLAS!