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KSR’s Missed Connections


Hello, friends. How are you? Ready for spring? To the left! I am. I’ve about had it with winter, haven’t you? A little bit right! It’s nice to finally see the sun again. Okay, bring it on back! Do you have big plans for the next couple of months? That’s it! There you go! Sorry, it’s really nice to see you and all but can we finish this conversation after I’m finished with my job on the tarmac at the airport? I want to be able to give you my full attention.

Friends, from time to time here at Kentucky Sports Radio we like to give something back. Outside of the valuable public forum by which we give you each the daily means to voice your hatred of our writing, we also love to bring people together — which is why a few years ago we implemented at KSR a “Missed Connections” section wherein our readers could write in and seek to reconnect with those they may have encountered casually, adored from afar or loved and lost. Every now and then we like to clean out the ol’ Missed Connections box and see what’s in there, publishing our findings here. Who knows? Perhaps you’ll recognize yourself as the one being sought after in the classifieds below. Go check it out now. And I’ll see you here next week.
Saw you last Monday, only briefly. You were wearing orange running shorts and a yellow top. I passed you somewhere in Framingham. Waited for you but you didn’t come for what felt like forever so I had to go. Wish I hadn’t. What do you run, a twenty-three minute mile or something? #MarathonMeb75
I used to be important to you. Now you hardly call, text or write about me on Yahoo! Sports. Did I say something wrong in the past couple of weeks? Or did something change? Would love to hear from you sometime in the next year. I’ll be pretty busy but hit me up. #CalZone3338
You were a cute twentysomething blonde in a grey t-shirt. I was sweating profusely while eating a funnel cake and asking if anyone had any recommendations for a high-end spray-tan salon near the Auburn campus. I’m new in town, how about you show me around? I’ve got a job now and everything. #BruceAlmighty54
You: orange jumpsuit and a moustache. Me: orange jumpsuit and Insane Clown Posse logo tattoo on my face. You kept talking about your VHS tape collection, I made toilet wine and shivved Dawgnutz. How’d that appeal go? Didn’t I see you on a gas pump or something? Hit me up; I’ve got smokes and know a guy who can get us a 3 Musketeers bar we can split. #DoinTime448
Hey. Listen to me. Everybody. Listen to me. Stop talking and listen to me. I need everybody’s attention. Hey. Listen to me. Saw you on the bus and thought you were cute. I was wearing a sweatsuit and you had green sunglasses. Let’s get together and show the world what happens WHEN THEY BAN US. #shabazzmatazz356
We talked on the phone. I said terrible things. You recorded them. Want to get together? Nothing but free time here. Hit me up. #DonSter98
We met at Derby Infield last year. You had a flask of wild cherry brandy duct-taped inside your crotch and knew all the words to Buck Cherry’s “Crazy B*tch.” I peed my pants and got tasered in the face while trying to bite a drug-sniffing dog on the butt. I don’t remember much about that day but I remember finding you crumpled in the wet, blue pool behind a leaking port-o-let and knowing my heart was yours. See you Saturday? #kidrockfan69
Where did you go? Came in last weekend to get a very large calf tattoo. You did great work, everyone talked about it for a couple of days. Now it’s Thursday and I’m starting to wonder if it was the best idea. Came back to discuss things with you and discovered your shop locked and empty and you gone. The store next door is pretending like you were never there; I can tell they’re lying. Please call me 555-555-4322. #CatTat25

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

All I want is a HI-C and a turkey sandwich. @CM_Tomlin

6 Comments for KSR’s Missed Connections

  1. ???
    1:32 pm May 1, 2014 Permalink

    wtf is this

  2. leroy jenkins
    1:34 pm May 1, 2014 Permalink

    I don’t get it.

  3. Memphis Raines
    1:48 pm May 1, 2014 Permalink

    Strong work Tomlin, strong work

  4. I Get Tomlin
    1:51 pm May 1, 2014 Permalink

    Toilet wine….mmmm. Buck Cherry, Kidrockfan69, blue pool….outstanding

    • memphis wildcat
      4:36 pm May 1, 2014 Permalink

      Agree on kidrockfan69…linebeard69 would have been too obvious.

  5. theWilkman
    3:10 pm May 1, 2014 Permalink

    Tomlin is always good for a few chuckles. Struggling with the first one, though, can’t figure out who it’s supposed to be. #DoinTime448 is great.