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Important Moments in Hoosier History


Hello friends. Long time no see. Great to see you guys again. I’m sorry about your home, and that sinkhole. I promise that when I’m Pope I’ll make it up to you. Until then, just keep your family close. That’s all I’m saying. If this time away has taught me anything, it’s that.

Friends, I think we can all agree that in the broad spectrum of sports fans we hate more than anyone, a certain order in this particular region for Kentucky fans would certainly be some order of the following teams: Louisville, Tennessee, Indiana. Sure, we hate the ‘Heels folks and the Cameron Crazies, but as far as foes up in our grill, it’s a general Hoosier/Cards/Vols cocktail. That’s why it’s always like Christmas morning when there’s something great to point out about those we can’t stand. As for Indiana, Tom Crean’s making it easy for us; he’s a veritable Santa Claus with his Twitter gaffs and floor-gum-eating. But I think we can all agree that the best current Hoosier phenomena is their growing propensity for heaping inconsequential praise upon themselves. It’s entirely surreal and awesome. I think you’ll agree. So today, to get this train rolling back out of the station with a post we’ll call Important Moments in Hoosier History. Please enjoy– and I’ll see you here again next week, gang.


Indiana’s Miracle Season

Truly we’ll all remember where we were when the Hoosiers capped the regular 2011-12 season with a win over Purdue to clinch fifth in the Big Ten Conference (suck it, Northwestern!). This monumental season was celebrated with a commemorative poster and special trophy case at Assembly Hall which contains said commemorative poster and Christian Watford’s jersey from the game where the Hoosiers beat, by one point, a team of freshmen who’d only played seven real college games together. Never forget.


The Sweet Sixteen Rings

Because there’s nothing more special in this world than coming within four games of winning a National Championship, Indiana chose to hand out commemorative rings to the team the night before the Hoosiers’ 2012 season opener. It’s something Derek Elston can wear as a badge of pride forever, and whenever he sees JaJuan Johnson they can exchange knowing glances and a nod of brotherhood. Beause you know what they say about Sweet Sixteens: a.) they’re “sweet,” and b.) they consist of sixteen teams apiece. Then everyone moves on because there’s a tournament going on.


A Senior Night to Remember

Perhaps you were one of the few, the lucky, who was around to see the Hoosiers 2012-13 team cut down the nets after a loss at home to number fourteen Ohio State on Senior Night earlier this week. Or perhaps, like a normal fan of average mental acuity, you went home under the completely reasonable understanding that everything was over. But oh, you’d have been wrong if you did that, you stupid fair weather fan. Because these Hoosiers surpass wins and losses. They’re forever. You can’t take that away from them, dammit


 The Three-Legged Race Champions

Despite the fact that the sophomore team of Jonny Marlin and Austin Etherington technically won the three-legged racing competition at a pre-season offcampus picnic and barbecue for the team and staff, all participants were deemed “winners” and awarded ribbons during halftime of a January home game against Minnesota to rousing applause by an adoring Assembly Hall.



 The Biggest Mad Men Fan Ever

During a January conversation between assistant coaches Tim Buckley and Steve McClain in the halls of the Hoosiers’ Office of Basketball Operations, Buckley recounted an episode of AMC’s Mad Men to a fascinated McClain, who told Buckley he was probably “the biggest Mad Men fan ever.”An extravagant banquet ceremony attended by Buckley’s family, co-workers and Indiana administration was held two weeks later at IU’s Alumni Hall and an honored Buckley was presented with an engraved plaque celebrating this distinction. All appropriate documentation was sent to the American Movie Classics television network for their internal records and an artist’s rendition of Buckey watching Mad Men was printed on a special edition popcorn box sold at Indiana home basketball games.


The Pirate Kings

In February, Cody Zeller and Victor Oladipo signed up for “The Pirates League Experience” at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida, where for a fee the pair were made up by Disney-trained makeup artists to look just like pirates. Once outfitted, they spent the next hour and a half hearing stories of swashbuckling sea dogs, received an 8×10 photo taken with a reasonable facsimile of Captain Jack Sparrow and walked in Disney’s Pirates on Paradeâ„¢ extravaganza. Indiana historians will never forget the indelible impact the Zeller and Oladipo made on maritime history during this day and a statue is to be erected in Bloomington this fall.


 World’s Greatest Dad

In November, Head Coach Tom Crean purchased a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug at LaGuardia airport during a trip to the Progressive Legends Classic in New York. An Indianapolis film crew is currently in post-production on a documentary extolling Crean’s many victories as a father.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

All I want is a HI-C and a turkey sandwich. @CM_Tomlin

40 Comments for Important Moments in Hoosier History

  1. ktmiln2
    1:05 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Tomlin knocks it out of the park, as usual.

  2. Bob
    1:09 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Is there anything better than a Tomlin post?? Except, of course, winning a share of the Big Ten title every 20 years…?

  3. rixter
    1:12 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    This would get old pretty quick if IU didn’t just keep on doing it to themselves.

  4. SoKySam
    1:13 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Hey buddy,

    I’ve missed you a lot. A whole lot.

    Glad you are back.

  5. Casey
    1:16 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Crazy – be like retiring the jerseys of four guys for getting to the Great 8!

  6. funky butt lovin
    1:16 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    The hoosiers are a bunch of losers, even if they do manage to win it all. They haven’t even come close to “acting like they’ve been there”, celebrating any little “success”. Its almost as bad as UK when it comes to T-shirts, and almost as embarrassing as the KSR/UK fan obsession with trying to take them down like a scorned lover even though UK is the one who whimped out of the series.

  7. Jason
    1:22 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Hey jagoff people lost a loved one in that sinkhole. Not a joking matter

  8. chris
    1:28 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    they cut down the nets, after a loss….at home??

  9. Melvit
    1:32 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    I still don’t understand the cutting down the nets after winning (at least a share of) the regular season championship. Do they do this every time, or is this a one time deal?

  10. MemphisCat
    1:35 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Great article, I’m sure a celebration will follow this story to be added in iu folklore. #7 Ease up Hoss, people die everyday doing everyday things, I’m sure C.M. wasn’t poking fun of a loss of life.

  11. paintsville'sdairyqueen
    1:38 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    At #6. I wouldn’t know what an IU message broad/web page has to say about UK. Do you want to know why?? BECAUSE I DON’T GO ON THEM!! What do you expect to find when you come on here? Everybody in America has already made fun of IU and their little celebration anyway. Just another typical insecure IU fan I guess.

  12. paintsville'sdairyqueen
    1:47 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink


  13. [email protected]
    1:48 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    6 “Its almost as bad as UK when it comes to T-shirts”…you mean like those t-shirts Louisville shops were selling after being ranked #1 for one week? “Bringing #1 back home where it belongs”…even tho it had only been there 1 time before that…EVER! Is that what you mean about UK and IU t-shirts?

  14. IU Fan
    1:48 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    UK fans are so jealous of our team it’s sad and pathetic. UK has history of cheating coaches…Rupp was a cheater, Hall cheated, Sutton cheated, Pitino cheated, Calipari cheats!! Tubby and Billy G were too stupid to cheat!!!
    I think it’s also an overall jealousy of the state of Indiana. Kentucky is a state full of incestuous morons!
    I want the NCAA Selection committee to give us both UK and UL in our bracket so we can humiliate both teams and send their thug losers crying back to their old Kentucky home!!
    Indiana rules this year and our march to the National Championship will not be stopped by anyone, least of all a bunch of morons from that cesspool of a coal mining dump state to the south!

  15. [email protected]
    1:49 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    11 pretty sure 6 is Louisville troll, not IU troll

  16. Bec
    1:53 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    14 – Not sure I’ve ever seen a more pathetic post. Shouldn’t you take up some sort of hobby?

  17. IU Fan
    1:54 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    yes, I called your coaches cheaters, even though our school has been in trouble for cheating more recently than yours…so what. And yeah, you’re jealous of our state even though it has nothing in it except corn fields. We rule, so much so that we will probably tie for our conference championship…domination…well, tying domination! Okay, now that I’ve said my piece, I gotta go. My boyfriend is waiting for me. We’re gonna go sit outside Big Handsome’s class and see if we can get our pic taken with him, and see if he’s free for a threesome. That’s our version of three goggles.

  18. paintsville'sdairyqueen
    1:55 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    15 Whatever they both suck.

  19. KJ
    1:57 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    I miss you, Tomlin. Please come back to our sink hole.

  20. Mc
    2:00 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    While the article is correct, I couldn’t care less about IU. This is what Crean wanted when they had one of the greatest wins in their programs history (during a regular season game). He wants UK fans to hate IU to try to re-create a rivalry that may have existed before 1990. UK has owned IU over the past quarter century. Crean knows if he can get under UK’s skin, he can create this superficial rivalry that is created on words rather than play. If IU is mentioned in the same sentence as UK, it’s a win.

  21. IU Fan
    2:03 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    You guys better quit making fun of me, or I’m going to tell my mommy!!!!! MOMMY!!!

  22. IU Fan
    2:05 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Y’all are just jealous of our fewer National Championships, Conference Championships, less national prominence and awesome warm up pants. Admit it! You want less! Less is more!

  23. IU Fan
    2:06 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Guys..I needed my dad to explain what a sink hole was since it didn’t make sense to me. He told me he’d illustrate it for me. He put his thingy in my butt hole, and sure enough now I get it. I wonder if it felt as good to the poor guy in Florida? No way!

  24. STEVE!
    2:08 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    UK owns a 17-5 (or thereabouts) record against IU over the past 20 years. Yep, that’s quite a rivalry.

  25. IU Fan
    2:09 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Okay, I have to go now. The Golden Girls marathon just started on OWN.

  26. IU Fan
    2:10 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    You guys are just jealous that you never thought to cut down the nets after losing. You guys are so stupid you forgot to cut down the nets after beating us in the sweet 16, but it’s too late now morons because our team went back out after the game and cut them down. HAHAHA!!

  27. [email protected]
    2:12 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    18 agreed

  28. IU Fan
    2:13 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Hi Guys… I’m back. Bea Arthur looks just like my mom so I was able to rub it out real quick.

  29. Rockfield, KY
    2:22 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    14. You feel better, big guy? That’s good. Now, why don’t you sit the next few plays out while those tears dry up, okay? Great.

    The way I see it, no Indiana coach has EVER committed NCAA violations, such as illegal contact, be it via text, phone, or straight upside the head and to throat. At least you have the second most conference titles in the state of Indiana. Time for a banner!

  30. Nel
    2:29 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Who gives a fock about indiana?

  31. Jeremy
    2:39 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    IU fans answer to everything, you cheat, incest, hillbilly, blah blah blah! Is that all you guys got?

  32. UK BBN
    2:43 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Whoa whoa whoa. You mean to tell me Indiana isn’t a part of Ohio?

    Actually, that makes sense. That would be an insult to Ohio.

  33. Bob
    2:45 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Why does Tom Crean remind me of LSU’s Dale Brown back in the day?

  34. jklee
    2:49 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    No, the winner of the 3 legged race was Peter Jurkin.

  35. Indiana Cat
    2:50 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Give the IU fan a break guys. He honestly thinks we Cats fans are jealous of a team that won a total of 8 conference games in Crean’s first three years. Let’s compare that to Coach Cal’s first 3 years! Obviously his cheese has slid way off his cracker!

  36. Not so fast
    2:56 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    @ #5 Its called the Elite 8. If Indiana every gets there again now youll know. And hanging the jerseys of KY kids that made it to the Elite 8 off probation is better than EVERYTHING INDIANA HAS DONE IN THE LAST 2 YEARS,

  37. bluristhurr
    3:29 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Do you wanna know what keeps KY from falling into TN? Indiana SUCKING

  38. IU shirt factory
    3:33 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Hey you all leave my little buddy #14 alone, I would’ve had a warehouse full of red ink if it hadn’t been for all those #1….again……again…. shirts…..again…….again…….and again.

  39. Sir Brandon
    5:14 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Tomlin once again bringeth it. This time he giveth a highbrow courtesan-slap to our misguided foes North of the Ohio river.

  40. gmail
    7:22 pm March 7, 2013 Permalink

    Unlike the 2 in-house-KSR-fanboys who obviously and repeatedly post similar comments under different screen names, I usually don’t post comments. But this IS funny and readable.