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Getting to Know the Sweet Sixteen

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Hello, friends. So, what’s new? Been busy? Seems we have a little more time on our hands these days. Not sure what to do with it. Finally paint that banister that needs painting? A little landscaping? Walk around the house crying hopelessly as we watch NCAA Tourney footage on four channels? Oh well. Only seven months until October. I’m sure it’ll fly by.

Friends, we are in the thick of the juiciest part of the NCAA Tournament: the almighty Sweet Sixteen. This weekend is always a lot of fun because there are enough games on to make things interesting, and enough middle-of-the-roaders left to keep our hearts hopeful for the ever-present Cinderella Team. Many wlll say that we University of Kentuckians have no right to make fun of any team in the tournament because of what happened to us, and they’re probably right. But I think we’ve all accepted this past season by now, haven’t we? And we can’t just let this shooting gallery go by without taking a couple of potshots from the sidelines. That’s just not what we do here. So today we’ll look at Getting to Know the Sweet Sixteen, sound good? Sure, we’ll be called sour grapers for doing it, jealous wannabes who can’t handle the fact that our team wasn’t in the tourney. But who better to make fun of the lame than the blind, right? Right. Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead.

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Oregon

Popular Tradition: The student section at Oregon basketball games calls itself “The Pit Crew” — a holdover name from the team’s former McArthur Court’s unique multi-tiered archictecture.

What You Should Know About Them: Head Coach Dana Altman was originally a letdown to Ducks fans, who were hoping for Tom Izzo, Mike Anderson or Jamie Dixon to replace the departing Ernie Kent in 2010.

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Michigan State

Popular Tradition: You won’t have to listen that closely to the MSU band to realize that a staple go-to tune for them is the famous theme from the cartoon Dudley Do Right.

What You Should Know About Them: Point guard Korie Lucious, who was dismissed by Tom Izzo in 2011, led the Iowa State Cyclones earlier in this NCAA Tourney.

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Duke

Popular Tradition: All of the “Cameron Crazies” — Duke’s excitable student section — are required to meet specific criteria spelled out in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders, published by the American Psychiatric Association.

What You Should Know About Them: After Duke’s win against Creighton, Coach K singled out the Bluejays’ Doug McDermott as one of the “best offensive players I’ve seen in the last decade.” Elsewhere, a slighted Jason Williams muffled his sobs in his sleeves over a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios.

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Wichita State

Popular Tradition: Wichita State’s famous dance moves following their win over Gonzaga are a direct result of coach Gregg Marshall’s insistence that the team watch the 2008 drama Step Up 2: The Streets during every film session this season.

What You Should Know About Them: The twisted grin of the Shockers’ anthropomorphic mascot “WuShock” is the last thing you’ll see before he murders you during your camping trip in rural Kansas.

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Louisville

Popular Tradition: Thursday’s are 2-for-1 couch dances at Foxy Lady Gentleman’s Club with the purchase of a soft-sided cooler or t-shirt.

What You Should Know About Them: In this round of the tournament, the Cards will refer to Lucas Oil Stadium as Luke-Hancock Oil Stadium.

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La Salle

Popular Tradition: Not making the NCAA Tournament.

What You Should Know About Them: La Salle university is named after its founder: actor Eriq La Salle, who is best known as Dr. Peter Benton on the medical drama ER.

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Arizona

Popular Tradition: Sweating.

What You Should Know About Them: Arizona is widely known as a “safety school” for prospective college students who cannot get into a college or university in a part of the country where it is not one-hundred and eleven degrees all the time.

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Ohio State

Popular Tradition: One group shouts “O-H” while another group shouts “I-O!” Before you ask; no, I can assure you it is not annoying at all to be in a bar with these fans.

What You Should Know About Them: Ohio State’s fight song is “Almost Paradise,” by Ann Wilson and Mike Reno, from the film Footloose.

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Kansas

Popular Tradition: When an opposing player fouls out, Kansas fans will “wave the wheat” by putting their arms in the air to mimic wind crossing over Kansas’ wheat fields. It’s a pleasant distraction that helps them forget that the game will eventually be over and they’ll have to go back to living in Kansas.

What You Should Know About Them: Head coach Bill Self once accidentally put his wig on backward and had to play it off as if he grew a beard for a whole day at the office.

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Michigan

Popular Tradition: Michigan’s fan section is known as the “Maize Rage,” which coincidentally and tastelessly is also the name of a corn-spread epidemic which claimed the lives of many, many Michigan students in the fall of 2003.

What You Should Know About Them: Any reference by any telecaster to Michigan basketball is legally required by law to mention the “Fab Five.”

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Florida

Popular Tradition: Albert and Alberta, the male and female mascots of the University of Florida

What You Should Know About Them: Albert and Alberta were privately granted a legal separation by a Florida judge over a year ago yet keep up appearances for the sake of the fans.

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Florida Gulf Coast University

Popular Tradition: A three-and-a-half hour oral reading of Jimmy Buffet’s book Tales from Margaritaville precedes every Eagles home game.

What You Should Know About Them: That despite the fun time they’re giving everyone, the truth is that you probably will care as much about Florida Gulf Coast University this time next year as you care about Norfolk State right now.

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Indiana

Popular Tradition: Mouth kissing

What You Should Know About Them: It doesn’t matter whether head coach Tom Crean’s Hoosiers make the elite or not, they’re going to pretend that they did.

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Syracuse

Popular Tradition: Syracuse fans often jingle their car keys to create a distraction while opposing fans are shooting free throws. This is especially effective when Syracuse plays teams whose rosters include babies.

What You Should Know About Them: Let’s be honest. Of all the major basketball programs in the United States, Syracuse is probably the most boring. They wear orange. Really, that’s it. Do you know how hard I had to dig to find the “jingling car keys” thing? This program’s as boring as Jim Boeheim looks.

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Marquette

Popular Tradition: Marquette’s nameless mascot the Golden Eagle, who was too good to talk to me during the 2010 CBS College Basketball Road Trip Blog when we visited Marquette. I mean, come on. Seriously. It’s a freakin’ eagle costume. You’re not US Secretary of Energy Stephen Chu.

What You Should Know About Them: If Buzz Williams was not the head coach of Marquette, he’d be playing the hilarious “slovenly roommate character” in any number of current romantic comedy movies.

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Miami

Popular Tradition: The ibis, the official bird mascot of the University of Miami is meant to represent leadership, knowledge and courage. This choice, in turn, has ruined the reputation of the ibis.

What You Should Know About Them: Very few people had ever heard of the city of Miami, much less the university thereof, before Will Smith won a VMA Award for Best Male Video after writing a song about it in 1998.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

All I want is a HI-C and a turkey sandwich. @CM_Tomlin

28 Comments for Getting to Know the Sweet Sixteen



  1. Hazard Kidd-Katt
    3:05 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    They are called “Cameron Creepies” at my house.



  2. Eloy
    3:07 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    Stephen Chu Carbon Taxes FTW!!!



  3. CatLanta
    3:13 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    Why preview the “Sweet 16” that we’re not a part of, when you could be previewing the “Sweet 16” that we are a part of???



  4. Dr Funke
    3:16 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    IU and Ohio state will both lose tonight! Thanks for playing hoosiers!



  5. BlueRedNeck
    3:17 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    Actually, if Buzz Williams was not the head coach of Marquette, he’d be starring as Curly in the remake of “The Three Stooges”.



  6. SexnNursinHomes
    3:21 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    I feel bad for whoever wins it this year. Actually not really. The winning team will never truly get the media hype because of always being in the shadow of UK’s team next year. 20 years after we stomp a mudhole in that ass, no one will even remember who won it in 2013.



  7. Hazard Kidd-Katt
    3:21 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    #5 Ditto! Said the same for years.



  8. Travis from etown ruins the radio show
    3:23 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    I will be on the show tomorrow talking about everything in the world that no one cares about. Matt will be bored again. Be ready for my awesome comments!!!!



  9. M
    3:23 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    I enjoyed how 3 Big 10 teams were given home games the first 2 rounds. Seems fair. Also found it a little funny that the SEC is 2-0 against the great and powerful Big 10 in the tournament.



  10. Biglaw Dawgin'
    3:26 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    Indiana – Win or lose tonight, Tom Crean will probably cut down the nets…. and mouth kiss a dude.



  11. FlySoup
    3:27 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    I don’t understand why something I should know about OSU is Arizona’s fight song? somebody please explain



  12. We Hang Banners
    3:28 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    Indiana isnt going to win anything, but im sure they will find a reason for some new rings.



  13. robuk
    3:35 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    LMAO



  14. inlinefor9
    3:40 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    #11 I think the answer lies somewhere between Tomlin’s personal hate for OSU fans and his dry humor to throw in a response for the previous school just to see if anyone pays attention as they are reading.



  15. Sam Bowie's Homeboy
    3:46 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    Eriq La Salle is also known as the “Prince of Soul Glo” from Coming to America… And it’ll be another 100 years before the Explorers make the tourney again…



  16. Dvr
    3:46 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    Four out of the five highest paid coaches in the country are competing in this sweet 16. Makes a lot of sense. can you name the only one that is not?



  17. Gypsy
    3:48 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    #3/CatLanta…I agree! The UKHoops team will be playing in the Sweet Sixteen on Saturday. While I will probably watch some of the mens NCAA games (& cheer for anyone other than L’ville, Indiana &/or Duke) I am so proud of the women’s team & will cheer them on. Who will join me?



  18. Demarcus Cousins
    3:51 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink


  19. Just A Fact
    3:58 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    3/4 of these teams will thinking about: “How UK will be dominating next Year”, come Monday.



  20. help
    4:04 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    I never got the enjoyment of seeing the picture of Crean kissing. Where can i see it?



  21. Rockfield, KY
    4:06 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    Didn’t La Salle win the NCAA tournament in 1954? The same year UK went undefeated and kicked their A$$ by 13?



  22. dont give a
    4:16 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    FK



  23. Brandon B
    4:19 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    Be on the lookout for the commemorative “Hoosiers beat Temple in the Round of 32” t-shirts! Coming soon to a store near you!



  24. Roland
    4:25 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    Popcorn boxes manufacturing companies are slavating.



  25. UKBlue1!
    4:43 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    Marquette used to be known as the “Golden Warriors” then they caved into the political bull. I hate DUKE,IU but UL I hate more.



  26. theSkinny81
    4:56 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    16 – Roy Williams



  27. steady
    5:50 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    Go ducks.



  28. wu tank
    9:51 pm March 28, 2013 Permalink

    Indians aided the British in the revolution and 1812. The British supplied indians with guns, clothes, liquor, horses, trinkets…………hell, indians didnt even come up with the bow and arrow. Americans hated at an even greater extant the German-Hessians, who like the savages, were merely convenient, hired mercenaries.