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FAQ: North Carolina

As the big weekend approaches, and we prepare to test our mettle against a worthy foe, it might be worth taking a look at our adversaries to the south today in a piece we call FAQ: North Carolina. The following should answer any questions you may have.

Where is North Carolina? Is it a state?
Yes, North Carolina is a U.S. state located in the southeastern corner of the country. Though you may not have known it, you may have driven through North Carolina many times to reach better places like Florida, or Florida.

How do I get to North Carolina?
It’s really very easy. Just jump on the interstate I-85 and drive until you see a Chevy Silverado (or comparable model) with running lights on the top, a vanity plate bearing a name like FAYLENE or BCKHNTR. Follow it until it gets off at an exit – that exit will be North Carolina. Alternately, if you see a Cheerwine vending machine, you are in North Carolina.

What’s a “tarheel?”
That name is derived from the historical fact that North Carolina was a leading manufacturer of tar and turpentine for the English navy.

Is this why most North Carolinians appear to be very “sticky” most of the time?
No, that’s just a coincidence.

What should I see when visiting North Carolina?
North Carolina has a host of wonderful tourist destinations. Make sure to visit Dot’s Christmas Shoppe, located off interstate I-85. It sells Christmas decorations all year round. Other notable destinations include Wilson’s Christmas Outlet, Santa’s Christmas Cottage and Christmas Landing. North Carolinians are really into stores that sell Christmas merchandise, even in the summer.

What are North Carolina’s state bird and song?
North Carolina’s official state song is “I Wanna Be Rich,” by the popular singing duo Callaway, and the state bird is the mosquito.

What are the people like in North Carolina?
Did you ever see any of the Smokey and the Bandit movies?

Yes.
Everyone is like someone from the cast of one of the Smokey and the Bandit movies.

Hey, there are Chik-Fil-A’s down here! Cool!
Unfortunately, every time you wish to stop at a Chik-Fil-A, it will be Sunday. Sorry. That’s the rule.

How will I know when I’ve left North Carolina?
If everything terrible in North Carolina suddenly seems to be multiplied by a hundred, you’ve just crossed into South Carolina.

Hey, I just hit a deer. I think it really messed my car up.
Yeah. I forgot to mention that might happen here. You should walk to that Christmas Store over there. Maybe they’ll let you use the phone.

My trip to North Carolina has been awful so far.
Yeah. We get that a lot. Here’s a can of Cheerwine. Welcome to North Carolina.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin