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FAQ: Louisiana State University

Friends,

How are you doing? You doing okay? You need a moment? If you do, I mean, you know, I’ll let you go. Didn’t mean to catch you at a bad time. Why are you crying? I told you that guy was no good, Alice. He was always just going to break your heart. The next time I see him, I swear to God, I’m going to punch him.

Once again we ran through a couple of opponents this past week — last night against the not-usually-dangerous Rebels and Satuday against ageless wizard AJ Ogilvy and his sporty braniacs. I’d say it’s been an okay week. This weekend, of course, not only heralds the opening week of New Orleans’ Mardi Gras, but also sees the Cats headed into Baton Rouge to take on the Tigers of Louisiana State University. But what do we know about LSU? Let’s find out some more with Frequently Asked Questions about Louisiana State University.

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What does LSU stand for?

The acronym LSU, as we know it, stands for Louisiana State University. Few people realize, however, is actually that the longer name of the school is Louisiana State University and Agricultural and Mechanical College. This itself is even shortened from the much longer Louisiana State University and Agricultural and Mechanical College and Yamanashi Aikido Dojo and Notary Public. And almost nobody calls LSU by its actual full name, which is The Honorable Louisiana State University and Agricultural and Mechanical College and Yamanashi Aikido Dojo and Notary Public and Artisan Coffee Distributor and Orthopedic Insole Test Laboratory (Southwest Campus).

What’s the campus of LSU like?

Located in beautiful Baton Rouge, accessible only by airboat, the campus of LSU is overgrown with thick moss and it’s fetid waters are dangerously infested by alligators and disease-carrying mosquitos. Those allergic to crepe myrtles and azaleas would do best to avoid the campus of LSU as residue from these plants can cause dangerous swelling of the face, inflammation of the eyeballs or death. Also, be sure to get a picture in front of Memorial Tower.

What is LSU’s basketball tradition?

The famous “Pistol” Pete Maravich played for LSU, averaging up to 44 points per game. Shaquille O’Neal also played basketball for the Tigers, as well as Chris Jackson (now Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf). Many will always associate LSU with famed coach Dale Brown.

Yeah, I know Dale Brown. He played for the Wildcats.

No, a different Dale Brown.

Oh. Hey, didn’t that fat guy play at LSU?

Glen Davis, yes. His nickname was “Big Baby.”

That’s hilarious. Can you imagine an adult-sized baby? That would be funny.

I guess.

Did Glen…what’s his last name again?

Davis.

Yeah, did Glen Davis ever dress up like an adult-sized baby? I bet that would totally crack up the other team.

No, he didn’t.

He should have. Just as a goof. How far is Baton Rouge from New Orleans?

New Orleans is about 80 miles, roughly an hour and a half drive, from Baton Rouge.

Dude, it’s Mardi Gras. We should go.

We could, it’s not that far of a drive.

We could get so wasted. And see boobs and get beads and everything.

Sure.

And we could call my friend Chad. He does this thing when he gets drunk where he pretends like he’s firing a howitzer gun and makes this exploding noise. He’s a trip. He’s not afraid to moon anyone, either. He’ll totally do it.

I see.

Yeah, it’s really funny.

Sounds like it.

Not as funny as an adult baby, though.

Agreed.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin