As the KSR crew prepares for their trip to the Great White North, we all grow giddy for our first opportunities to see the Wildcats in action as a new, fresh, hopefully stunningly cohesive unit. Though I will sadly (probably) not be making the trip due to other travel obligations, and thus won’t see you folks this time next week but instead return on the 18th, I thought I’d do us all a massive service today by delving into the many questions often asked of our Maple-Leafed Neighbors. Please enjoy, get a notepad, and get educated about our top-bunk friends with this FAQ: Canada.
What is Canada?
Good question. Canada is a country which occupies the majority of the North American continent, bordered by three oceans: The Atlantic to the east, the Pacific to the west, and the Arctic to the north. Geographically, it sits above our own United States, where we share our northern border with the country.
Yeah, I know that country above us. It’s France.
No, it’s not France. It’s Canada.
No, it’s France. I met a guy from there and he spoke French. I had no idea what he was saying and he’s lucky I didn’t beat him up.
Certainly, there are citizens of Canada who speak French (or, as it’s commonly known, “French-Canadian”), but the majority of Canadian citizens claim English as their first language.
Don’t they play hockey in Canada?
Yes, hockey is a very prevalent sport in Canada, enjoyed by many.
Hockey is for tools.
No, hockey isn’t for “tools.” It happens to be Canada’s official winter sport. Lacrosse is the country’s official summer sport.
Lacrosse is for tools too.
I think you’re being very closed-minded about sports which are foreign to you.
Why don’t they just play basketball?
They do! In fact, did you know that former Kentucky Wildcats Sheray Thomas and Jamaal Magloire are both native Canadians?
Ramon Harris was Canadian too. He was from Alaska.
Alaska is not part of Canada.
Yes it is. Look at this map. Alaska is part of Canada. Looks like you’re not so smart.
No, it’s an American territory.
Why isn’t it a state, then?
It is a state.
Not to me. States should be connected to each other. What is there to do in Canada?
Canada is a country rich in culture, from the song stylings of Rush to the award-winning teen melodrama Degrassi High. It is home to many beautiful sights and natural landmarks, and large cities are popular tourist hubs, hosting events like the Toronto International Film Festival and the Montreal Jazz Festival.
I hate jazz. And international cinema. I thought Laxmikant Shetgaonkar’s Man Beyond the Bridge was incredibly overwrought. And it won the film festival’s 2009 Discovery Prize.
Good point. Canada has also given the United States many great things over the years — through exports like processed minerals, fresh water, dairy products and timber.
I don’t need to buy any of that from them. I can get all that right here in the United States. I don’t need Canada.
All I’m saying is that Canada should be lauded as a fine country with its own very unique culture and landscape. You should visit on your own some day. You’ll see.
I will never go to Canada. I love the United States. Unlike you.
Did you know that almost all of Rambo: First Blood was filmed in Canada?
You can go to hell.