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Biding Your Time Until the 2013-14 Season


Hello, friends. I hope you’re well. Hey, is that Andrew Wiggins signing over there? Ha! Made you look. Andrew Wiggins is never going to sign anywhere.

Friends, we have officially settled into the slow season. Slow, slow, slow. Now’s where we talk about the NFL Draft (only for a couple more days), watch some NBA playoffs, catch a baseball game or two and sit quietly wondering about what the new Rupp Arena might look like at some point, sometime. Yes, we’re all officially in the waiting game. And we can do just that, lazily lolling around the house imagining next April, or we can get out there and do something productive with ourselves. So as a service to help you bide your time over the next long months, we’d like to run a piece today called Biding Your Time Over the Next Long Months. It’s as good a title as any, really, and what else are we going to write about? A personal essay from the creative viewpoint of Andrew Wiggins’ lonely ink pen? Let’s have some fun, folks, and get out there and make something of our lives, shall we? Here are some hobbies you might take on this summer to get you through as you wait for October:

Landscaping. That yard isn’t going to mow itself, and that topiary shrub in your front yard isn’t going to trim itself into the visage of Dominique Hawkins blowing past tubby funster Kennedy Meeks on its own. Just be careful weed-eating around the statue you made out Karl Towns out of extra lumber and Christmas lights earlier this month. That’s got to last until 2014, you know!

Knitting. As any octogenarian matron will tell you, knitting is an excellent way to keep busy on those days when your kids aren’t calling. But you can turn it into a fantastic method of keeping yourself occupied until October 11. It’s a statistical fact that there’s a Jo Ann’s Fabrics located within three miles of every person in the United States, and think of the joy on the faces of your aunt and mother when you give them their matching set of  crocheted dolls of Andrew and Aaron Harrison on Mother’s Day.

Keep a Journal. While your co-workers and friends might get tired of your speculation as to how this 2013 team will gel, a journal is a great way to put all of your thoughts and feelings on paper for posterity. Fill it with poetry about Dorian Finney-Smith airballing foul shots or acronyms of Derek Willis’ name (Don’t Ever Read E-Mail, Kick Wild Icecubes Lightly Long Into Sandboxes). Stretching your imagination and pouring your innermost feelings into a journal is a great way to not only sate your impatience but explore the different ways you might sign your name once you’re married to Julius Randle.

Painting. Let your artistic side run wild with a set of paints and a bunch of canvases you bought at the Michael’s located next to the Jo Ann Fabrics. James Young fights a four headed Shark-Lion! Dakari Johnson flies a spaceship into the sun to reverse a time paradox and save the world! Or just look out the window and marvel at the natural world around you, sipping tea as you create, through a pastiche of pastels and watercolors, a portrait of Marcus Lee dunking on a squirrel.

Spend time with your family. You only have six months to enjoy your loved ones before you’re whisked away into the frenzy of the next Cats season, so make the most of it. Take your children, seven year-old Lukasz and four year-old DeAndre to the zoo or local park. Snuggle up to your wife or husband on these warm summer nights and soon you’ll have something else to look forward in the 2013-14 season: your newborn son or daughter, aptly named John Robic (Your Last Name)!

Travel. Get out and see the world. I hear that the campuses of Montverde Academy, Prestonwood Christian Academy and Travis High School are lovely this time of year.

Just wait. It’s all gonna come soon enough. Don’t be in any hurry. It’ll all work itself out eventually. Jeez. It’s like you haven’t learned anything from Andrew Wiggins. Just trust me. On April 7, when we hoist that trophy in the air, and you’re sitting at home cradling your young daughter John Robic in your arms, it’ll all seem worth it.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

All I want is a HI-C and a turkey sandwich. @CM_Tomlin

15 Comments for Biding Your Time Until the 2013-14 Season

  1. Catlanta31
    12:46 pm April 25, 2013 Permalink

    Or waste your time reading stupid posts like this one!

  2. JKUK
    12:48 pm April 25, 2013 Permalink

    I thought it was funny

  3. Porcino's
    12:55 pm April 25, 2013 Permalink

    1. If “Ha! Made you look. Andrew Wiggins is never going to sign anywhere” didn’t make you laugh, then you’re dead.

  4. UKMike
    1:01 pm April 25, 2013 Permalink

    horrible post…drivel. I want my 2 minutes back.

  5. excessively excessive
    1:07 pm April 25, 2013 Permalink

    Really thought Tomlin was going somewhere else with “landscaping.”

  6. RahRah
    1:07 pm April 25, 2013 Permalink

    Matching set of crocheted Harrison dolls = hilarious and I want a Karl Towns light-up sculpture. But then I always think Tomlin is funny. Lighten up, folks.

  7. Zamphir
    1:13 pm April 25, 2013 Permalink

    Ain’t no way louavul if gonna do nothin with no Silva or Dong their

  8. Ridge Runner
    1:21 pm April 25, 2013 Permalink

    Good stuff (again), Tomlin….

  9. Jobob
    1:23 pm April 25, 2013 Permalink

    I bought a UK garden gnome from Kennedy bookstore and named it Stoops. I feel guilty that I didnt get the female gnome now. It’s gonna be a long summer for Stoops and I.

  10. Linda Taylor
    1:41 pm April 25, 2013 Permalink

    I have to admit I am disappointed you didn’t mention quilting (in honor of the National Quilt Show currently underway in Paducah, shout out to Paducah Patty). Don’t forget to take cake decorating classes. Think how much fun you can have decorating multitudes of cakes and cupcakes in UK basketball and football themes. Then your family can enjoy eating your handiwork as they argue whether your likeness of Julius Randle is spot on or missed the boat, though the kids will be screaming “I want to eat his head, I want his foot, I want his arm”. Also get your scrapbooks ready to go. You’ll need one each for football and basketball. There, have we exhausted the Michael’s and JoAnne’s themes?

  11. Please post using the american language. Visage…octogenarian matron…posterity. I shouldn’t need a dictionary to read KSR. I just want to learn more about Joker’s recruiting tactics and keep up with how Richie was framed.

  12. Michael F. Jox
    1:55 pm April 25, 2013 Permalink

    Why not go to a strip club or something?

  13. bung
    2:02 pm April 25, 2013 Permalink

    how bout an article on the ’54 undefeated squad…

  14. Webster
    4:06 pm April 25, 2013 Permalink

    12, you can’t be the real Michael F. Jox. His comments read more like this –
    “a;lkdn fdljoi ndknf lsjoijf dlkjf (shake shake shake).”

  15. Otis
    5:39 pm April 25, 2013 Permalink

    Have to get through 2-10 football season first