Skip to content

Kentucky Sports Radio

University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Aesop’s Sports Fables

a16

Hello, friends. I hope you’re having an enjoyable Friday, and looking forward to a great weekend. Myself, I’m spending the day revisiting the great works of literature, as I am often wont to do on lazy Friday afternoons, and came across something this morning I thought you all might enjoy. The book was old and dusty, but inside was a cavalcade of entertaining stories from the animal kingdom with some great lessons to be learned. I picked a few of my favorites for reprinting here, in a piece entitled Aesop’s Sports Fables. Please enjoy, and have a great weekend, everybody.

———–

Warthog and his Friends

Old Warthog invited his friends chipmunk, mouse and duckling to the nest of thicket where he lived. There they ate gooseberries and laughed and had a grand time. Chipmunk and mouse played in the cool pond and duckling enjoyed the warm sun. Old Warthog enjoyed having his friends come and visit.
“Oh, Warthog,” said mouse, “We are having a delightful time!”
“Yes,” said chimpunk. “Your thicket is a great place to have fun!”
“We’re so glad we came!” peeped duckling.
“I’m so glad you’ve all had a great time today,” said warthog, smiling. “But seriously, you guys can’t tell anyone about this. Also, don’t mention all the phone calls.”

The Moral: Unethical conduct and transgression of established rules concerning the recruiting of college athletes will not be tolerated by the NCAA and violation of these rules will denote a failure to comply with NCAA bylaws concerning such recruitment.

———–

The Handsome Opossum

Each day, the handsome opossum would stroll through the forest with his friends as the other animals looked on.
“Look at that opossum,” said owl. “Yesterday he was walking through here with a very pretty robin, and the day before he was walking around with that very lovely deer. Last week the was walking around with a beautiful fox.”
“Yes, it’s true,” said the raccoon. “And he has such a nice tree to live in, surrounded by food and warmth.”
“And everyone follows him around, all the time,” chimed in turtle.
“Yes, I don’t like him one bit. Not one bit!” said fish.
Everyone nodded their heads in agreement.

The Moral: You can hate A-Rod all you want, but his life is way better than yours.

————-

The Funny Frog

It was dusk at the swamp and frog was sitting atop his lilypad. All the creatures of the swamp were listening to him speak.
“Look at that mosquito!” said frog. “He goes zip, zip, zip!
“That’s true!” said dragonfly. “He does!”
“And see that old snake over there?” said frog. “He has more curves than a drop of dew on an old piece of bamboo!”
“Yes!” said salamander. “He is certainly curvy!”
“Oh, check out the stork drinking from the water!” continued frog. “His neck is as long as mighty river winding through the land!”
“He’s right!” exclaimed ladybug. “It is long like a river!”
“And oh, do you see that waterbug flitting across the water’s surface?” said frog. “He goes zip, zip, zip!
“You already said that one,” said salamander.

The Moral: At this point, we all have heard just about everything Chris Berman has to say.

————-

The Animals’ Games

The jungle was all abuzz as all the animals frolicked and played in the warm meadow sun.
“Look at me!” said alligator. I’m tossing a melon-fruit in the air and catching it on my nose!”
All the animals laughed and clapped at alligator as he tossed and caught. It looked like great fun.
“I’m having a fine time twirling in circles over and over until I fall down!” cried the antelope.
All the animals cheered as antelope twirled and twirled. It looked like great fun.
“And I am very much enjoying flipping in the air and landing,” said monkey. “Look how high I can leap!”
All the animals were amazed and happy watching monkey flip and flip again.
“Oh, and watch me too!” said the ostrich. “I am rolling around on my back and having a wonderful time!”
All the animals looked at ostrich without smiling, and just shrugged.

The Moral: No one likes hockey. No one.

————

The Rabbit’s Party

Rabbit was having a party. “We must invite Squirrel!” he exclaimed. “Squirrel makes every party so great!” Squirrel said he was going to come to the party, and Rabbit was excited. Then, the day before the party, Squirrel called Rabbit on the phone.
“I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it to the party,” said Squirrel. “But in my place, I’m going to send my old uncle Badger.”
Rabbit was sad. He didn’t like old uncle Badger. And when the day of the party came, there was no Squirrel, only old uncle Badger, who ruined Rabbit’s party.

The Moral: Don’t jump the gun in the second round of your fantasy football draft and pick Peyton Manning or else you’ll end up with stupid, awful Kerry Collins.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

14 Comments for Aesop’s Sports Fables



  1. Blugrayse
    2:06 pm September 30, 2011 Permalink

    That sh*# is hilarious. That is exactly how those stories go. Honestly laughed out loud a few times. Thanks.



  2. RidgeRunner
    2:11 pm September 30, 2011 Permalink

    funny stuff, Tomlin. I needed that!



  3. Coach Durbin
    2:15 pm September 30, 2011 Permalink

    Absolutely brilliant!



  4. Maxwell
    2:23 pm September 30, 2011 Permalink

    I have to admit, the A-Rod story was the best (I’m a yankees fan. Sue me.) Downright hilarious.



  5. Every1inWVisFAT
    2:40 pm September 30, 2011 Permalink

    Love it! Love it! Love it!



  6. Matt Jones
    2:46 pm September 30, 2011 Permalink

    Awesome…one of your best



  7. Sheriff Buford T. Justice
    2:59 pm September 30, 2011 Permalink

    That was incredible.



  8. M. Vick
    3:14 pm September 30, 2011 Permalink

    (standing and applauding)



  9. J.D.
    3:35 pm September 30, 2011 Permalink

    Crap, the Chris Berman one is perfect. “The Funny Frog” should be the new universal nickname for that putz.



  10. Whoof arted
    3:52 pm September 30, 2011 Permalink

    Meh



  11. DownSouth
    4:14 pm September 30, 2011 Permalink

    Up the trail she came, or was it a he, dog…no…fox…no..coyote…yes. I moved aside ever at the ready. If the animal passed I would have done nothing, she (yes it was a she) paused near where I stood and emitted a sort of growl. She shouldn’t have because at that moment I blew her f%%king head off. The moral of the story—Both Louisville and Tennessee SUCK…..



  12. MIDDAY
    4:38 pm September 30, 2011 Permalink

    This is my kind of creative writing. =)



  13. MTwain
    5:00 pm September 30, 2011 Permalink

    mississippi



  14. Hookster
    8:24 pm September 30, 2011 Permalink

    Only talked once before, but that was so freaking funny I had milk coming out my nose. It hurt too, cause I’m lactose intolerant.