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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

A Message from the Yankee Candle Company

yankee candle shelving

For years, the Yankee Candle Company — America’s best loved candleâ„¢ – has provided you with the scents you love for the life you lead. From Banana Nut Bread to November Rain, Yankee Candle has the scents to accompany your lives. As your life may or may not be relegated to cooking delicious-smelling foods or passions for specific seasons of the year, we are always striving to bring you new fragrances to enhance the things you love. As we announced earlier this week, Yankee Candle’s new line of NCAA-themed “Fan Candles” will bring you the opportunity to enjoy the scents inspired by your favorite teams year round — even in the offseason. As you may be aware, this new line pairing with NCAA collegiate sports programs includes such scents as Wisconsin (Macintosh Apples), North Carolina (Beach Walk) and Texas (Spiced Pumpkin). But these 23 new Yankee experiences are only the tip of the iceberg in our “Fan Candle” Collection. In the upcoming months, watch for additional sports-themed fragrances including:

 

Syracuse: Citrus Medley

Boston College: Chowder

Boise State: Potato Wreath

South Alabama: Meth Lab

Miami: Plantains and Tasered Hair

Long Island University: Garbage Strike

Yale: Superiority

Indiana: Peaches & Crean

Cincinnati: Chili Farts

Cal Tech: Robots

Louisville: Drakkar and Weed

Brigham Young University: Vanilla

Duke: Coach K’s Butt

Rice: Rice

UC-Santa Cruz: Bananas, Slugs

University of Phoenix: Regret

 

Also, Yankee Candle is pleased to announce its upcoming line of “Fan Candles” featuring the scents of some of America’s most beloved athletes:

 

Tom Brady: Unicorns and Jasmine

Tiger Woods: Denny’s Kitchen

Robert Griffin III: Pop Rocks and Tootsie Pops

Johnny Manziel: Sharpie

Shaquille O’Neal: Gold Bond Medicated Powder

Alex Rodriguez: Water & Vinegar

 

And America’s favorite coaches:

 

Kevin Stallings: Tater Tots & Mayonnaise

Bobby Petrino: Dirty Hotel Sheets

Steve Spurrier: English Leather Cologne

Bill Belichick: Body Odor & Indignation

Rex Ryan: Feet

Bill Self: Toupee Adhesive

Rick Pitino: Pesto & Floor Tile

Jim Boeheim: Dinosaurs

 

We here at Yankee Candle can’t wait to bring your enjoyment of our many products to the next level, happy to introduce further sports-themed candles to you in the near future, and we welcome your own input into fragrances we should consider in the future. We hope you’ll look for them wherever Yankee Candle products are sold.

 

Sincerely,

Bert Halstromm

Public Relations, Yankee Candle Company

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

All I want is a HI-C and a turkey sandwich. @CM_Tomlin

42 Comments for A Message from the Yankee Candle Company



  1. AirRaid
    1:04 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    lol at Pitino’s pesto and floor tile. but shouldn’t it be pesto and table top? well played though.



  2. bec
    1:05 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Nice. I think “potato wreath” and “regret” are particularly stellar.



  3. HAHA!
    1:08 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Absolutely AWESOME!



  4. JLP
    1:10 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Most KSR attempts at humor are hit-or-miss, working sometimes and falling flat as contrived at other times. Tomlin is the only one who rarely issues a dud. If I want humor, I read Tomlin.



  5. ZombieLibrarian
    1:11 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Hands down one of the funniest things I’ve read on this site in a while. Please get back to more of this stuff, it’s far better than another profile of a 3rd string safety, featuring his latest tweet about his favorite Denny’s meal and ‘something we made up’ about him. It makes me a little sad that I basically just skim this site any more instead of reading all the posts because most of them are so boring – bring back the snark! I understand Drew, Tomlin, etc. are busier doing other things now, but surely they’re not the only sarcastic people with an edgy sense of humor in the greater Lexington area. Tomlin you are golden as usual.



  6. perkins
    1:15 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Tiger was Perkin’s Pancakes, Denny’s holds itself in higher regard. Moons over My Hammy anyone?



  7. Sheriff Buford T. Justice
    1:17 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Excellent as usual Tomlin



  8. HillbillyInBC
    1:17 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Strong work, Tomlin. I would have given the “Meth Lab” fragrance to New Mexico in honour of Walter White, but can’t argue with any of the others. “Pesto and Floor Tile” should be the new “Filed under” category name for all KSR posts about Pitino.



  9. LT
    1:22 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Well done Tomlin! How about Oil Slick for Bob Huggins?



  10. Sir Brandon
    1:22 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Tomlin bringeth strong work yet again. Wouldst the Natl Geo Kids candle smelleth of Lion & Goat?



  11. Brian
    1:25 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    You Forgot the UK candle scents!!!!!

    Kentucky: Dirty Farm Animals and Cow Manure
    Calipari: Grease and Slime
    LMFAO!!!!!!!!!



  12. BackdoorSlider.com
    1:27 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Virginia – Brown Sugar
    South Carolina – Tamales
    Indiana – Stale Popcorn



  13. ColumbusCat
    1:28 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    ^ I don’t think I can ever take a person seriously who uses the term “LMFAO.”



  14. L3C8
    1:42 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    See I think UL might be a mixture of a few scents:
    Urine & Cover-ups & Farts & Feathers.
    But you make a strong case for Weed & Drakkar.

    IU’s scent in my eyes is: Fresh Cut nets after a huge loss.



  15. J in Orlando
    1:42 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    11 Its ok bro, comedy is hard…



  16. CatFanStuckinInd
    1:44 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Can’t. Stop. Laughing.



  17. tltaworl
    1:45 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Tomlin, once again is terrific.
    UK version:
    Rich Brooks: tomatoes and dirt
    Enes Kanter: Formaldehyde (sp.)
    Cal: Ice Cream Poop
    Stoops: the process
    John Wall: new shoes
    Rex Chapman: Cocoa Butter
    Jodie Meeks: Fried Oranges
    Billy G: bourbon
    Tim Couch: Bunnies
    Patrick Patterson: Soap



  18. CatFanStuckinInd
    1:47 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink


  19. you oughtta know by now
    1:47 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Tom Crean: Beets & angst



  20. Logan
    1:52 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    This was hilarious. Thanks for the read.



  21. theSkinny81
    2:00 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    I love the A-Rod ‘water and vinegar’… well played. lol



  22. AirRaid
    2:06 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    13 maybe he’s just a huge fan of the group LMFAO. Never mind, that’s still a reason to not take him seriously.



  23. Brian
    2:11 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Correction: UK Candle scent – Winning



  24. Gilbert Humphrey
    2:12 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Where does one’s brain have to be to think any of that was funny? How limited must one’s intelligence be to find that level of alleged humor even slightly amusing? Y’all are better than this…



  25. Denny Crum
    2:15 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Chili farts. Funny

  26. I really thought Pitino’s scent could’ve been Cheap wine, Old Fish and Pledge!
    Good one Mr. Tomlin!



  27. The problem is...
    2:38 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Drakkar and weed would smell really good.



  28. JSVice
    2:52 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Is Tomlin the guy who does the voice work for the screenprinting commercial that run during the radio show?



  29. Mike
    2:56 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Chili farts. Sooo funny. I love Tomlin posts



  30. Linda Taylor
    2:57 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    16 – What’s really sad is he’s laughing at his own humor. Only total losers do that. Oh I made a funny haha. See everybody I made a funny haha. The L fits him perfectly.



  31. dan
    3:00 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Yew Kay : Horsepoop, CaliSlime and Laundered Money.



  32. YSR2KSR
    3:11 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    matt jones-ale 8



  33. Glade candles
    3:14 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Kentucky: Winning & Tradition
    Calipari: orange leaf & success
    Stoops: excitement & dedication
    Louisville: domestic violence & welfare office
    Strong: hypocrisy & hooked on phonics box
    Pitino: abortion clinic & boxed wine
    Crean: the bar complex & leather
    WKU: failure & pretentiousness
    Tennessee: anus & rotten pumpkin
    Ohio State: douchbaggery & cheating
    Notre dame: sac religion & invisibility
    Texas: cow shit & obesity
    Mississippi St.: chewing tobacco & burning crosses
    Southern Cali: used condoms & cheap hair dye.
    Lou holtz: spit & nursing home

    Let me know any other schools you all got and I’ll get you the sent.



  34. messenger
    3:15 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Just to tighten up L3C8’s comment for the Yankee Candle marketing department:
    Indiana: Freshly Cut Nets & Defeat



  35. jpizzle
    4:01 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    “pesto and floor tile” ROFLMAO



  36. Teddy Valentine
    4:46 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Bobby Petrino = motorcycle exhaust



  37. RahRah
    7:23 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Gold!



  38. Wi Tu Hi
    11:37 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Great job Tomlin!



  39. Some Guy in Kentucky
    11:42 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Bruce Pearl = Barbecue sauce?



  40. W.W.B.B.N.D?
    11:51 pm August 15, 2013 Permalink

    Bobby Knight : Krackle bars and Lone Star Beer



  41. CECI
    10:03 pm August 16, 2013 Permalink

    This is epic! One of the funniest I’ve ever read and I cannot quit laughing!