It’s the holiday season, a time for us to sit back and count our blessings…like being Kentucky Wildcats and not Tar Heels.
You see, somewhere along the way, you learned that at Kentucky, we go to class like good boys and girls, we don’t associate with fraternities where boys wear coral short shorts and matching Croakies, we don’t lose basketball games to two different teams from the state of Iowa within a single calendar year, and we don’t give our kids first names that, in any other part of the country, would be last names.
It all starts with your name. Have you ever wondered what your name would have been like if your parents were entitled, pretentious, sweater-wearing Carolina Alumni?
Wonder no more, and be thankful you’re a UK Fan. Behold, the “KSR Pretentious UNC Fan Name Generator!”
Step 1: Select Your Birth Month/First Name
Step 2: Select Your Birth Day/Middle Name
Step 3: Select Your Decade of Birth/Last Name
1930s: Channing III
1940s: Pershing II
1950s: Rhodes IV
1960s: Spaulding II
1970s: Travers III
1980s: Albers IV
1990s: Kettering III
2000s: Paddington II
What’s your UNC fan name? Share it in the comments! Using your fake name, introduce yourself to a Carolina fan at the game Saturday, and then wait until you see their face relax as if in the presence of fellow faux aristocracy.
Then be like, “Nah, just kidding, my name is Bill. Go Cats.” And be thankful that you, your parents, and your team don’t suck.