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UK Baseball Managers Using Sharpies To Change Team’s Bat Brand To Lexington Slugger

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

The University of Kentucky’s baseball team finished celebrating last night’s win sometime early this morning, but by the afternoon they’d already moved their focus to preparing for the school’s first ever College Baseball Super Regional. As Coach Mingione began evaluating the University of Louisville’s baseball team, looking for ways to squeeze out runs, the managerial staff began their own preparations for the weekend. Armed with only a few sharpies, UK Baseball managers spent today crossing out ‘Louisville’ and changing the brand name on UK’s bats to ‘Lexington Slugger.’

“Everyone around here is pretty hyped up, and we all want to contribute anyway we can,” manager Charles Ball said. “There’s only so much you can do to motivate the team via laundry. We decided we could help motivate the team by altering the equipment to remove the word ‘Louisville,’ so that’s exactly what we did. Once the game itself starts we will have more to worry about, like that one of the player’s rally cap of cups might touch the ceiling.”

An assistant coach for the UK baseball program told us that winning this weekend would not be easy, but he balked at the idea of the team just conceeding defeat. “They’re good, we’re going to have to find some new ways to get runs. If there’s one thing that’s obvious, it’s that a team with that many players with bleached blonde hair knows how to handle rolling bunts.”

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Article written by Harold Leeder

10 Comments for UK Baseball Managers Using Sharpies To Change Team’s Bat Brand To Lexington Slugger

  1. Eazy
    10:53 pm June 6, 2017 Permalink

    Go Cats. And for all you STL fans who were talking yesterday the Reds just bashed your Cards 13-1 and Scooter hit 4 bombs! Reds are now 5-2 vs the filthy Cards on the year!

  2. Wilfred Smith
    6:08 am June 7, 2017 Permalink

    Good for them.

    You do understand that most of us from the western part of the state are going to be Redbird fans, don’t you?

    It’s geography, but hey congrats.

    • Eazy
      10:52 am June 7, 2017 Permalink

      Yep, that’s exactly what my point was. The western part of the state is majority STL fans. But Cincinnati borders KY and includes 600,000 Kentuckians. Lexington, Louisville, and eastern Ky all root for the Reds. Thus the Reds report.

    • Eazy
      10:55 am June 7, 2017 Permalink

      Northern KY is Cincinnati. Not sure why the guy yesterday didn’t understand. Anyway, Scooter hitting 4 hr last night was pretty unbelievable.

    • Wilfred Smith
      11:01 am June 7, 2017 Permalink

      That’s fair, but you have to take Marvin Lewis too.

      I get to be a lifelong Raiders fan. 3 Super Bowls and 20 years of meh…

    • Eazy
      11:20 am June 7, 2017 Permalink

      Haha, yeah I’m a lifelong Bengals fan. Marvin actually beats what we had before. I’ll be a Bengals, Reds, UK fan forever. Lived all over but I’m true to the local teams. Go Cats!

  3. Dave from Owsley County
    8:37 am June 7, 2017 Permalink

    That’s why this generation will never be great. Trying to be funny with the bats rather then just goin to the batting cage.

  4. Mathlete
    10:22 am June 7, 2017 Permalink

    I know this is satire, but it’s not the worst idea I’ve ever read…

  5. loservilletard
    3:39 pm June 7, 2017 Permalink

    please don’t put this garbage on KSR site. If we we wanted to read this crap we would join the other two readers on his web site.

    • Mathlete
      3:56 pm June 7, 2017 Permalink

      Sorry your sensitive eyes were forced to read something so terrible. Must have been terrible for you, you need a cookie and a juice box?