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“Two And Toodaloo” and other Colbert-isms from last night


The plan for this morning was to recap whatever John Calipari said on The Colbert Report last night, but that plan was tossed out the window after Colbert owned the interview, as he always does. Cal, rarely interrupted when he speaks, took a backseat to Colbert on the Comedy Central set when he stopped by to plug his new book. Colbert was hilarious in his questioning of the “Players First” system and Cal, though trying to be serious, couldn’t help but laugh throughout the interview.

So this morning, instead of summarizing Calipari, let’s laugh at Stephen Colbert’s funniest comments from the short segment on his show last night.


“Players first? Don’t we have to start with the coach. You’re being too humble, sir, you put the team together. Without you, it is just five tall guys staring at their shoes.”

The introduction set Calipari up for his “Players First” rant (the one we all know by heart) but Colbert quickly cut him off at “servant leadership” to ask how one can serve and lead.

“What the hell is that? You’re either a servant or a leader, sir. The leader leads the servants.”

“You’re criticized sometimes for having a lot of one-and-done guys; what does that mean, one and done, and can that be cured with viagra?”

Cal said he doesn’t like the term ‘one and done’ and that he prefers ‘succeed and proceed’ instead, to which Colbert told him, “It also rhymes so it must be true.”

“What is it about your leadership that makes people want to flee from you?”

Colbert was shocked when Cal said he has guys returning this year “for the first time,” making Colbert wonder why everyone is in such a hurry to escape.

“If you could get them to stay for two years, this might help you. Here’s another rhyme: ‘Two and Toodaloo.'”

Cal, laughing hysterically, said he will trademark that and let Colbert know how it does.

“I’ll see you in court,” Colbert quipped back.

Check out the full video…

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

39 Comments for “Two And Toodaloo” and other Colbert-isms from last night

  1. O. My.
    9:03 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    Complete 6 minute interview on Hulu,p0,d1

  2. Michael F. Jox
    9:11 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    Colbert is great. Can’t wait to see what he does with The Late Show.

  3. Yes yes yes!
    9:20 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    This guy is the greatest. He is so much smarter and funnier than Bill O’Reilly. I think we should have the whole day dedicated to him, his show, Obamacare, Obamaphones, abortions, evil corporations, and how good Hillary is going to as our next president! I love it!

  4. BigBear
    9:26 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    How would you ever replace Calipari when he leaves. Even with all his idiosyncrasies and sound bytes ( I still keep hearing how few shots MKG and Davies took) he won’t be easy to follow. He does so much more than coaches a basketball team. I guess the thing is you just have to enjoy the ride.

    • Mack
      9:33 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

      This is the one coach that the BBN is lucky to have, don’t want to think replacement.

    • Dr. Tom
      9:39 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

      Agree. The most perfect match of coach and program in the history of college basketball. It is really sad to hear all the haters hate on Cal. But you are right we should just savor the time he is in charge of our program and enjoy the ride. It just continues to amaze me on how in addition to bringing in the most talented recruits in the country the fact that they are of such high character is just remarkable. The interviews that Julius has been making the last few days speaks volumes of his moral fiber. The whole team is made up of great kids that will be positive ambassadors of the program.

  5. timefor9
    9:30 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    Is it just me or does every writer on this website have a boner for Colbert? Like I’m not saying you can’t like him or anything but jeez I didn’t know he was the king of TV.

    • DB11
      9:38 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

      What do you have against boners for colbert?

    • Catgrad7072
      10:00 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

      All liberal hipsters have a boner for Colbert and all the writers on KRS are liberal hipsters. Thus ….

    • Jim
      10:11 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

      Colbert is funny. He has a show where he is supposed to be a funny guy and he is actually funny. There are a lot of no talent hacks that have shows and are supposed to be funny but are just no talent posers. Colbert is, imho, head and shoulders above the rest, because he is funny.

      As for Cal, his book debuted on the best seller list at #3. There is no better ambassador for UK. I have met him, but don’t know him. I didn’t run up to him and ask for his autograph or bother him. He came up to me and a few other guys and shook our hands, when he attended a road game that his son was playing in. Would any other coach do that? By the way, that is how it should be. The man shouldn’t be hounded in public every time he goes somewhere. It is not that he is any better than anyone else, it is the fact that famous people get pestered all the time and the “sane” fans should let famous people have a life.

      And while I am on my soap box, before UK and Cal made the run in the SEC and NCAA tourneys this season, the media and some fans acted like Cal had forgotten how to coach. I, for one, did not expect a deep run in the big dance, before they came alive in the SEC tourney. But, I sure didn’t think he had lost his touch, nor would I ever think that there is a better fit for UK basketball. I am glad they finished strong, not only as a fitting reward for the players and staff, but to also shut up the media and those few fans that were pissing and moaning. Go Cats!

    • JoeMoney333
      10:26 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

      Colbert is a devout Irish Catholic. I love that people act like his is a huge liberal. Dude is funny.

    • SweetWm
      2:00 pm April 24, 2014 Permalink

      Sweet Wm: Ted Kennedy was a devout Catholic, so is Nancy Pelosi, so is Richard Durbin, so is John Kerry and they all support things the Pope and the Catholic Church are against. These huge liberals are not funny.

  6. H.A. Milton
    9:38 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    The interview was interesting, because I’m used to seeing Cal as the ‘big’ personality, but he seemed like he was having to struggle a bit to feel comfortable and engage naturally with Colbert…

    No other coach is coming close to pulling that off, though.

    • DB11
      9:44 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

      Colbert dictated the conversation and Cal isn’t used to that.

  7. Mxyzptlk
    9:46 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    Colbert is generally boring because he’s basically doing the same joke over and over, and that’s just inherently dull. That’s the reason the classic SNL skit characters inevitably die out after only a season or two. Once you’ve seen it a few times, it becomes old hat.

    But I will give him one thing: when he focuses on the actual interview (even humorously), he is much better and actually becomes somewhat watchable. That should tell him something. Time to retire the failed attempt to be funny at skit comedy.

    • mike
      10:00 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

      Skit comedy? And I thought it was topical satire.

    • JoeMoney333
      10:31 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

      Yea Mike, well, your you see here on KSR Comment Section the “Facts” are made up and the opinions don’t matter..

  8. James
    9:46 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    Cal is brilliant. He can adapt to any situation. Is there another coach out there that can do what he does? Absolutely not.

  9. Somervillain
    9:49 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    I am a fan of The Colbert Report, except for his interviews. As everybody notes above, he always dominates the conversation to the point of constantly leaving interesting points and topics without resolution in favor of a quippy line. Why book interesting people if you aren’t going to let them share their views? That is my biggest concern about him taking over for Letterman. Great comedian with great wit, great insight and terrible interview skills.
    But hooray for Cal.

    • mjblue2
      9:57 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

      He is playing a role in Colbert Report. He is acting. I don’t understand people can’t take a joke. I always considered myself fairly moderate, leaning a little conservative on most things. Colbert is funny. He is supposed to come of like a jack a$$ in the interview portion. That’s his role.

    • Peas and Carrots
      10:30 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

      mjblue2 is correct. Colbert is playing a role on the show and in the interviews. His interviewing style on the Colbert Report is intentional, but he will not be in character when he takes over the Late Show.

  10. btowncatfan
    9:51 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    Has anyone heard or seen Kevin Ollie since the tournament ended. UK and Cal are king!

  11. Delk for 3
    9:52 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    I loved this interview. Colbert is hilarious.

  12. KSR Writers
    10:21 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    The only thing that could top Coach Cal being on Colbert is if he could get an interview from Rachel Maddow. That would be top notch. We would have to make at least 9 posts reminding people to tune in to watch.

    • Axe Cop
      10:37 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

      Butt hurt? I’m sure you’d keep your mouth shut if he were on Hannity.

  13. coolinjector
    11:22 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    There’s something transcendent about Calipari. He’s becoming celebrity on a celebrity level. Coaches like Al McGuire and Bobby Knight were celebrity, but that status never really extended far beyond the world of athletics. The current Duke coach is on tv commercials, but a large portion of America only knows him as some old dude in a suit and tie selling credit cards.

    Cal has just moved into a different realm. He’s moving beyond being just a college coach. He’s now a brand. Absolutely amazing that he is our coach. Enjoy this everyone – it will NEVER happen again.

    Did anyone notice last night on Colbert how Cal’s mannerisms were very Clinton-esque? The hand gestures and head movements? I bet Clinton is coaching OUR coach….. And the way things are going, OUR future senator and beyond.

  14. Suck it Repubs
    11:27 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    Republicans don’t have a sense of humor. Except for black jokes and gay jokes. (And this, too, is a joke, before you stroke out from conservative rage.)

  15. lexslamman
    11:37 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    Every time I read a conservative’s post on this site, they sound like the most miserable people in the whole world. I have enough conservatives in my family and circle of friends to know that isn’t the case, but you aren’t really presenting your argument very well if you look like a butthurt sore loser every time you open your darn mouth.

  16. JJ
    11:43 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    Cobert is not funny. He’s silly. Now, Drew Franklin is funny!!! Jmo.

  17. Don
    11:46 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    Having endured the endless hatred for UK from other fan bases, and living in the heart of Jayhawk country, there is a lot of irony in conservatives defending Cal, but hating on Obama.
    I am sure Cal and Obama have a lot of empathy for each other, as well as sharing many world views. But, we can still get along, right?

  18. Skeps
    11:47 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

    Love my DVR. I could skip the rest of that clown’s show.

    • JJ
      11:51 am April 24, 2014 Permalink

      I heard that!

  19. DC Cat
    12:19 pm April 24, 2014 Permalink

    Well, I’m fairly conservative and definitely not a hipster and I have to say that was flippin awesome. Colbert is hilarious, especially the o’reilly lines at the end.

  20. UKBlue
    1:17 pm April 24, 2014 Permalink

    Colbert is not funny not even close. Not to hard to get a bunch of stoned, stupid, low information individuals to think you’re funny. He is now stepping up to the big boy car taking over for Dave; Fallon should love this move.

  21. Get It Done
    1:19 pm April 24, 2014 Permalink

    I want to see him on Jon Stewart’s show next and then golfing with Obama after a visit to Camp David. Now that would be a trifecta!

  22. Me
    2:07 pm April 24, 2014 Permalink

    I dunno. I just can’t seem to find this guy funny. I’d like to but he’s just kinda dumb to me. John Stewarts jokes are at least intelligent. Maybe that’s who Colberts crowd is, those who need dumbed down versions of jokes. There’s nothing political about my opinion, just can’t find the humor.

    • Jim
      5:24 am April 25, 2014 Permalink

      John Stewart has never been funny. A perfect example of a guy that is just annoying. The British guy took over for him and he was funny. Wasn’t even close. Stewart is like those 4th string comedy club guys that are pathetic. There are a lot of wanna be comedians out there. Stewart is one of them. All he does is complain about stuff while making stupid noises and gestures. How Stewart ever landed a job in show biz is remarkable.

  23. Rob
    2:23 pm April 24, 2014 Permalink

    To turn off autoplay, put autostart=”false” in the embed code, e.g.

  24. Soda
    2:56 pm April 24, 2014 Permalink

    Not only is Coach Cal smart, but he is wily. That is what sets him apart from a lot of the other coaches. With Colbert, he knew when to talk, and he knew when to shut up and let Colbert do his thing. That capsulizes his whole overall relationship with the media. He knows when to use it for his benefit, and he knows when to avoid it like the plague. Sure, it drives the media nuts and they will fill his silence with insults, but who cares?
    I think his personality, his “swagger”, is just as much of what makes the best want to come play at Kentucky as the blue and white jersey. Could there be a better basketball coach for UK?